The Druid of Fisher Street

busy bee

2012-02-04T12:36:00.000-08:00

School has started again. I have just finished my 3rd week of my 2nd semester of nursing school. It's fast and furious and I spend a lot of time reading, in class, in clinic and just trying to get it all done, thus the silence on my blog. The biggest news of note in regards to my Druidry is that I have completed my Dedicant's path work and submitted it for review. In a few weeks I should see if I pass or if things need more work. In the mean time I am stepping on to the Clergy path and have begun the preliminary work for that. Besides a several basket fulls of short essays this includes a dialy morning prayer, which now comes after my daily morning meditation, a even prayer over the meal, which I haven't succesfully incorperated into my routine yet, and a monthly retreat day. I haven't yet tried a retreat day, but it's just a matter of picking a Saturday and Sunday and making it happen. Easier said then done I supose.

In my inner life, I came to a painful realization last weekend. That being: alcholism is going to kill my parents, and I am powerless to change that. I saw the toll it was taking on thier bodies when I last visited and I see my parents getting old very fast. They have been trying to hold onto recovery since I was a toddler, but never seem to be able to. 36 years or so later and still they can't manage it. It may be thier liver, or a car accident, or some other type of death, but behind it will be the alcohol. It was a realization that made me sad. I am coming to terms with it however.

Also the other day I was taking a test in my Psychnursing class and there was a test question that described a woman who was very much like my ex-wife. I had a huge emotional reaction to it. It was sudden and unexpected. I have never had a test question give me an emotional reaction before. I was flooded with sadness and pitty. It seems there are still some unresolved feelings in regards to the divorce and my ex and what might very possibly be her borderline personality. Not sure when I will have time to explore that. Probably when I make time for my retreat day.

finale to the latest healing request

2012-01-18T11:17:00.000-08:00

So the man for whome I was asked to do a working of healing survived the surgery and recovered completely from it. However the tumors in his brain were just the tip of the iceburg it turns out. It is throughout his entire body, lungs, liver, spleen, even into his bones. It is a death sentence. I didn't recieve word on the exact stage of the cancer, but based on this description I'd guess stage four. All there is to do now is help the family cope as best as I can in what way I can.

Coming to the end of the Dedicants Path work

2012-01-11T07:52:00.000-08:00

So I have been on the ADF Dedicant's Path for a year and a month now, and I am all but finished. The last step before I submit it is to perform my Dedicant's Oath. I have decided that I shall give my oath in public at the Cottonwood Protogrove's Public Imbolc rite. This feels appropriate as I consider Brighid a patron.
I am also about to start my second semester of nursing school next Tuesday. Despite this, I plan to move forward with my religious pagan studies and start working the Clergy training program as well.

Meditation journal update: Nin on my mind

2012-01-11T07:36:00.000-08:00

I am still meditating daily, Still doing the two powers and the tree of light exercises. Why?, because they work for me. Today after the two powers and tree of light, I found myself going on a spirit-walk and landed at the court of Lugh. This was a good thing as I was in need of guidence in regards to some leadership questions of the protogrove. Answers came as a mixed combination of words and images. The Ogham I pulled after my return and the end of my meditation was Nin. Very fitting for the situation. It was a reminder and a suggestion for a course of action.

Helping the Employer

2012-01-06T09:36:00.000-08:00

This morning I was asked to do a major working of healing for the Water witche's employer. He has fallen ill while out of state and is in a hospital. I don't know the nature of the illness. I was asked to do prayers, energy healing, and spirit evocation. I did all of thee above. I used the ritual outline I learned in ADF and Ian C.'s work. I opened the gates, gave offerings, took an omen. That being Tinne, I took it as a good omen. I invoked the blessing into the chalice and drank the waters of life. From there I called on my familiar and spirit guid the stag. I asked him to bring to me a spirit that would do good healing work. He left and while I waited for his return I did an energy working using the two powers and healing intention for the Employer. Stag returned with a Sow. I spoke to the spirit for a bit, felt it could do the work, and gave it instructions and then offerings. I finished with offerings and prayers to Bridgit for the Employers healing. Phew! I then did a full Ogham casting for the Employer over the next month. I see illness as being the central focus for the month with healing coming. Death does not seem to be coming.
Let's see what happens.

The Orchard of my youth

2011-12-30T09:50:00.000-08:00

The drive was long as always. Eleven and a half hours alone in the car. As I turned off the paved road onto the dirt road upon which I grew up, the change was obvious like coming upon a bombed out city block after turning a corner.

I was lucky to grow up where I did. Lucky to live at the liminal place between farmland and the wilds. Lucky to grow up on a dirt road with only one visible neighbor, farmers fields and the ancient prune orchard on the other side of the dirt road. In the early spring those trees burst with little white flowers and it was magical to walk among them playing peekaboo with the fox and the deer. In the summer my parents and I would walk through the prune orchard on lazy warm evenings, headed over to the peach orchard. We'd follow the meandering deer paths without much care knowing that they too ended at the peach orchard. I have spent countless hours of the fall time in the prune orchard, grease paint on my face, bow in hand, tucked away behind a tree or in a blind made out of the blackberry bush that borders the orchard, in the hopes a deer would offer itself to the hunt. I remember the flight of an arrow, the red trail it made. I remember the falcon who took his dinner from a flock of Starlings in a tree not twenty yards from me. I remember cold misty winter walks among the bare trees who seemed to stand like silent soldiers in nice clean rows. Not so long ago I remember taking my kids on their first explorations of the old orchard. The mixed looks of excitement, awe, and nervousness.

I stopped the car. I couldn't help it as I looked out over the orchard. The trees no longer standing like soldiers on parade, but instead laying down, blasted by some bulldozer, their bodies broken and scattered. Some thrown into carnal piles awaiting the torch. The lonely mists still hung about, but the orchard is gone and all that is left to me are my wandering memories.

FACE PALM...

2011-12-22T21:12:00.000-08:00

Ah..a winter solstice ritual. Nothing major, just my three other protogrove mates and myself, all working together in practiced harmony doing a basic ADF ritual of blessing. No scripted lines, just the four of us speaking from the heart as inspiration fills us. My grove mates were fantastic, everything went great till about the time I am going to drink in the blessing and I have the sudden realization that...I FORGOT TO BLINKING OPEN THE BLINKING GATES!!! and sadly the only small bit of consolation I had was in thinking that none of the others noticed either! doh! Seriously...how does one forget that?! It's only a key part of the ritual. Apparently the fairies made off with my brain. I have been doing this ritual format for a year now, I'd think I'd freekin' have it down by now. Well the nice thing about living in CA is I can make like the kid in the picture. ;) now...where is the nearest Palm tree...

Lighting the dark places: An essay about the meaning of Winter Solstice

2011-12-20T18:43:00.000-08:00

Holly hangs in the door way, the wreath hangs on the door; the tree is lit and decked out in our finest tree ornaments. Candles are lit and the smell of sugar cookies hangs in the air. Yes all the signs of Yule are here, but what does it all mean?

The winter solstice has been marked in some way by every Indo-European culture. To the Romans it was Saturnalia and later Sol Invictus, to the Teutonic folk it was Yule. To the Irish it was…ah, but that is the question. It would seem we have just enough evidence to know that the winter solstice was an important day to the pre-Christian people of Ireland, but we have no idea what they did to celebrate it or what exactly it meant to them. This poses a few problems when, like myself, one’s hearth culture is Irish. So I find myself falling back on the traditions I know, most of which come from Yule traditions. Things like the Yule tree, evergreens, and holly to kiss under; to name just a few of the trappings of this high day. What these things all tie back to in some way is honoring the rebirth of the sun, and hope for our future. The winter solstice is important for on the day of greatest darkness, when there seems that the light is about to fade, we find our hope renewed knowing that the sun will again return, that the winter will end and the spring will again come and the wheel of the seasons ever turns on. Yule is a time of giving to others. It’s about sharing good will and good food. It’s about rejoicing in hope, about honoring the sun; it’s about light, even more so it’s about BEING the light. It’s about being the weak little candle flame pushing back the seemingly overwhelming darkness in another’s life. It is about the smell of evergreens, in the home, it is about baking cookies for your friends, it is about the kiss of peace, hope and love under the sprig of mistletoe.

The dawn is cold and grey; I am bundled against the penetrating cold of the morning, my hot coco steaming warm in my hands. I wait in the darkness, eyes scanning the ever lightening horizon, when suddenly; shooting me in the face is the first beams of the sun on the solstice morning. It’s not the cold that shoots through me, but exhilaration. Like that first sliver of light, the winter solstice has come to represent that moment of inspiration that can suddenly shoot through a person’s inner darkness, giving them an inner light. This is a good time of year to stop and think about what slivers of inspiration a person would like to have in the coming months. It’s the time of year to look into our selves and find our inner darkness, the places where we are ignorant, stumbling, or lost. Then upon finding it, we have the opportunity, the imperative, to bring in the light of inspiration, to become “enlightened”.

Winter solstice is a crazy time of year. Full of sparkling and blinking lights, sales, shopping, office and school holiday parties, commitments to family, and decorations. We get pulled in so many directions at once it’s easy to lose sight of what this high day is about. So take a time out each day of the “season” just to remind ourselves to honor the light of the sun, the light within, and to shine it on the dark places of our spirit.

Voice of wisdom--inspiration

2011-12-18T08:42:00.000-08:00

Recently Ian Corrigan has been writing about creating a neo-pagan path of mysticism. This got me doing a lot of thinking on this as well. The other day I had an inspiration about a possible path for neo-pagan mysticism. It has only come to me in the last 48 hours or so. I am pretty excited about the idea and I meditated on it, and had a spirit walk about it this morning, and chatted with my ancestral teacher. He gave it a thumbs up. I am going to explore the ideas and concepts a bit more before I got into any details on here just yet. I need to do a little more research about the ideas and to test out the concepts for a few months at least. If I feel like I am really onto something you'll be seeing it on here.

Cottonwood river protogrove Samhain 2011

2011-12-09T10:39:00.000-08:00

The great wheel ever turns and Samhains come and go. This year though, will be one that I shall remember for a long time. This year I took charge of the ritual aspect of the Kern County Pagan Circle’s Samhain festival. The festival included all day activities and overnight camping. The ability to camp out in Oct. is one of the nice advantages of living in a warm place. Some of the activities were pumpkin carving, sugar cookie making, sugar skull decorating, and face painting. I would say we had about 30-40 attendees. Before the ritual I lead a guided journey written by Arch druid Rev. Thamos. The ritual was put on by our local protogrove. I was the lead liturgist and Seer. We got the local community involved with the blessing of the fire, well, and tree. The three other druids did the invocations of the kindred, and the purifying of the grove. I opened the gates with the aid of my fellow druids. We had asked a local witch who was crone to play the role of the spirit of winter the Cailleach. She came to the center of the circle and oversaw the offerings being given to the ancestors. Almost every one stepped up, and shared a short story about the ancestor or ancestors to whom they were giving offerings too. This was the third year in a row our local pagans have done this ritual, and I could really see a difference between those who had done in for the third time and those who were doing it for the first. The difference was in their emotional reaction. Those who were doing it for the first time often had to pause in their speech due to the overwhelming feeling and emotion that was bursting forth. Emotion they had stuffed for years. Those who were doing it for the third year, were emotional, but not near so as they had been three years before and the emotion was often more one of joy at the telling of the stories and joy in the remembering. It really made me realize just how powerful the Samhain ritual is as a healing technique.
When all were done, we sang to the kindred, received the omen of their blessing, which this time was the Ogham. They offered us transformation and inspiration. The drink was blessed and many drank in the blessings. After words the ritual was closed with a short grounding exercise, closing of the gate, and one last song as the recessional. An excellent ceremony in all. I was very pleased with it. You can find a YouTube photo video of the ritual here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NT4MQ_lv1Ak

and that's a wrap!

2011-12-09T10:36:00.000-08:00

Hail my readers! Thank you so much for being patient while I finished up my first semester of Nursing school. It has been a tough semester. Nursing school is hands down the hardest schooling I have ever done. In the end I passed all my classes and in such a way tha I am pretty sure they teachers will remember my name! ;) I am on winter break now for the next few weeks and I have a lot of catching up to do with my writing, so stay tuned and get ready for a flurry of posting!

What is Samhain?

2011-11-10T17:50:00.001-08:00

“Cattle die and kinsmen die,
thyself too soon must die,
but one thing never, I ween, will die, --
fair fame of one who has earned.” --Havamal, stanza 75

In the beginning of all things there is darkness, for all things began in the great dark. Samhain thus marks the end of the light half of the year, and the end of the year of the wheel. It begins the dark half of the year and the beginning of the year. The history of Samhain like all of our high-days mostly lost to time with only a few fragments remaining. I leave the noble task of finding those bits of history to more scholarly men then I. I am more concerned with what Samhain is today. What it means to the Neo-druid and the Neo-pagan community at large.

It is said then that at this time of year the veil between the worlds grows very, very, very thin. The thinnest it will be all year. No one alive is really sure why this is so, only that it is, and I for one am apt to agree with what I have seen. Perhaps the ancients thought it so because with the veil thin, the stuff of the land of the dead leaks through into our world causing the falling of the leaves, the death of the flowers, and the disappearance of the animals. With the number of deaths I see occurring at this time of year I am apt to think there may be a grain of truth to that idea. As the veil thins we are visited by the spirits, most notably the spirits of the dead and our ancestors. Thus it is at this high-day we honor our mighty dead. There are many ways to do this; some like to have a dumb supper, others leave a candle burning in a windowsill, and yet others build an ancestral alter and have a party in which they are all invited. The historians tell us that Samhain was the end of the harvest. What you had reaped is what you had to get you through the winter. Most of us are no longer farmers, but Samhain is a good time to look back over your year and see what is it you have reaped and why. What have you gained and what have you lost?

Irish myth tells the tale of the Dagda meeting the Morrigan on Samhain eve and the lust for life that is the Dagda met the lust for death that is the Morrigan and the two did couple. This is a reminder that Samhain is not just about death, but it is also a celebration of life. It is a celebration of the successful harvest! A celebration of the life being remembered, and a celebration of the life being lived right now by the pagan! It is a reminder that life and death are partners, a couple forever handfasted.

Samhain is a time to explore our feelings about death and dying. It crawls up into our face grabs our coat collar shakes us hard and demands we look it in the eye. When we remember and honor those who have passed before us, we acknowledge the simple fact they have died, which inevitably leads to the realization that we too will die. One day we will be the honored dead. Leaving behind our children and the “…fair fame of one who has earned.” Powerful stuff for a people growing up in a culture that denies the reality of death with tooth and claw. That shuns old age. Samhain is powerful healing. Samhain is sweet smiles caressed by bitter tears.

I am stag hear my Roar!

2011-10-29T22:08:00.001-07:00

ah the noble stag. Beautiful and quiet; a gentle creature of the forests. When danger approaches the use their amazing agility and speed to get away...most the time. Ah how people forget stags have antlers, and time to time they do use them. They use them to fight off potential rivals and the occasional "wolf". Today I had the displeasure of needing to use my antlers. I sat and listened to my step-daughters bio-dad once again emotionally abuse her over the phone for not calling him back on HIS time table. This has been going on for a while now. I love my step-daughter, and no one deserves to be emotionally abused. I should know, I lived it for 10 years. I am coaching my step-daughter to stand up for herself in a respectful manner, but to see her beautiful face once again reduced to tears and that confused expression of pain for having committed only an imaginary crime her bio-dad could see, I had to step in. enough was enough. I could have handled it better I suppose, but nature needs to run it's course. I launched a verbal goring he will not soon forget, nor do I think he'll ever look at me the same again. good. I am completely OK with that, nor do I regret my actions or words. I am sure there will be repercussions. I am OK with that too. No one emotionally abuses a member of my family and walks away thinking that was a good idea.

Finishing what I started...The tree of light exercise

2011-10-21T22:50:00.000-07:00

Looking back over the last few years I realized that I never completed JMG's Druid magic energy work system. I was ready to do the final exercise called the Tree of Light, but I never did it. Today was a good day to give it a go. In essence the exercise is to take the two powers and from there energies create a seed of light that you visualize inside you. This seed then grows roots and branches, trunk, and leaves. Growing up and down. Uhm...wow. I am not sure if it was cause I felt emotionally and energetically drained after my clinical work today and really needed this, or if it was the exercise today, but I felt even more tapped into the two powers then I have in the past. This also ties into my work of "being the oak". I really felt my inner spinning come to a stillness I haven't had in some time. Today at least this was a powerful magical working and spiritual exercise. When I was done I was shocked to open my eyes and find how much time had passed in what felt to me like a few min, was in fact closer to an hour. This to me is another testament to my need or to it's power. You can bet I will be working with this for a while.

I'll know my name when I hear it called again...

2011-10-21T22:38:00.000-07:00

The other night I had a very interesting thing happen. I was sound asleep, when suddenly I heard my name called in a woman's voice. It was sharp, distinct, and crystal clear. Upon hearing my name called my eyes snapped open with a start. The room was dark, the only sound that of my b'loved water witch gently sleeping next to me. The clock read 4:31. There was only my name. Nothing else. This has happened to me once before, years ago now, back when I was just taking my first baby steps upon the neo-pagan path. The first time it happened it was a deep masculine voice calling my name. I was sleeping in my old boyhood bed room at my parents at the time, and when I awoke, with that same start as the other day, I expected to see my father standing over me. No one was there. I believe both of these instances were spirits calling me for some reason. I have no idea what kind of spirit be they nature or of the gods or ancestors. There is just the sound of my name being called loud enough to snap me awake from a dead sleep.

The evolution of my home shrine

2011-10-18T20:36:00.000-07:00

1. 2. 3.

My home shrine evolution

Over the past year my shrine has changed and grown. My wife and I each have our own shrine. They are placed in what we call our “magic” room, but it is also our guest room. This hasn’t been a problem for us as both my wife and I are open and friendly about our religious beliefs and anyone who would be staying with us already knows.

The first picture is how my shrine looked when I first started in ADF. It was very much a shrine based not on ADF cosmology buy on Wicca or Ceremonial magic cosmology. You will see the four elements represented. You will also notice an athme and a rattle. On the wall is a Bridghit’s cross. At the back of the shrine is a set of antlers. The antlers help connect me to my spirit guide the stag. In the center of the shrine is a silver chalice. This chalice was passed down to me from my mother’s father.

In Picture 2. You can see things have changed. At this point I was familiar with ADF cosmology and redesigned my alter to represent that. In the center is my representative world tree. I made it myself and got the idea from Rev. Ian Corrigan’s books. At the base of the “tree” I have a bowl for a well and one with a candle for my fire. Again you will see the silver chalice and the antlers in the back ground. Between the chalice and the antlers is a bowl for incense offerings. On the other side of the alter from the bowl for incense is a bell. I found the bell at a Goodwill and built the stand for it. I ring the bell nine times at the start and end of my devotionals. In the far back ground is a bowl of earth left over from picture one and the feather of a golden eagle.

In picture 3. is how my alter looks today. Sure got cluttered! At the center is the same tree, well and fire. Again you’ll see the bell. Still there is the incense bowl for incense offerings. Just beside that there is a bowl of salt. This I also use for offering. It is nice to be able to pick up a pinch of salt and place it in the candle or an offering bowl (not shown) as needed. The red square in the front is actually my symbols of power that I created for spirit art as taught by Rev. Corrigan. The chalice has changed. Sadly the antique one started to lose its silver plating and was no longer safe to drink from. Some day when I can afford it I’ll have it re-plated. Also added is a picture of Bridghit and a statue of Donn or Curnernnos. Again you will see the deer antlers in the back ground. What you can’t see is a small skull fetish that is hiding behind my bell in the picture. This is a fetish I use to help connect me to the mighty dead. Also not shown are prayers that I am currently learning, taped to the wall behind the shrine.

I am not sure just how my shrine will grow and change next. I have given thought to perhaps putting a shelf on the wall and creating a small “subshrine” dedicated to the ancestors. I have also thought I’d like to get plaques that represent the gods I work with most often and put them on the wall above my shrine.

Looking back over the last two years

2011-10-15T21:25:00.000-07:00

As is my tradition at this time of year. I am looking back over my posts of the last two years. All that I have been through, all that I have over come. I can stand back and look see how much I have grown and changed. As we live day to day it's easy to lose sight of the forest for the trees. Personal growth, spirituality and magic can be a very difficult thing to measure at times. A journal or in this case my blog has been the best tool I have ever had to give me a "measure" of how I have changed and grown.

One thing I noticed is that over the past few years I am not doing as many spirit-walks as I used to. Instead the focus of my magic is more about bringing the spirits to me on this plane, then about me going to them. I haven't stopped spirit-walking entirely just not as often. The tech of my magic has changed a lot over the years as well. I have gone from a wicca style ritual to the ADF style ritual. My focused has changed from just doing magic to worshiping the holy kindred. When I read about some of the things I have overcome, witnessed, and played a role in, I feel almost as if I am reading some one elses life. I still have the memories, but it seems all so long ago.

Today my life is really good. I am doing well in my R.N. classes. I am still finding time to meditate almost every day. My beloved water witch and I are getting along amazingly. My ex-wife is being fairly quiet. My life is mostly in balance. The meetup goes along, and the protogrove is getting on its feet. Samhain is coming, the vale grows thin. When I can I will do another ancestor working soon.

A hand up

2011-10-11T19:04:00.000-07:00

When I awoke this morning, I was facing down the two difficult tests. Pharmacology and a Nursing fundamentals midterm. After my shower, I went to my alter as usual, but instead of my usual morning devotional and meditation, I did an abbreviated formal right using COoR. In this right I focused on giving offerings to my ancestors and asking for their help with these tests. I asked them to place their blessings into my cup of water, and I drank it up. I really could feel them at work inside me.

Later I really felt them nearer to me. As I started the first test I felt some one standing in front of and near me. I thought it was the professor as she had been walking around a bit making sure people were keeping their eyes to their own. It's a big room and she's a bit short and can't see every one from the front. Any rate I sense her there, and could see some one faintly in the edge of my field of view. After a few more moments I noticed it hadn't moved, and flicked my eyes up to look at that spot squarely, expecting to see the professor or at least some one, only there was no one there. I have chosen to believe this was me sensing an ancestor being with me. While I was taking the test, I was really listening to my impulses on what answers to pick. At times when I came across a question to which I really didn't know the answer, I followed what I felt was the ancestors speaking to me. The net result? my grade went up 6% over the last two tests I had like this. As of this writing I haven't gotten the results back from the midterm. I didn't feel I needed as much help on it though. Either way, I felt the ancestors near, and this was comforting to me. It helped me stay calm, with a relaxed focus. I believe it helped.

Meditation Journal #15 Be the oak

2011-10-08T15:52:00.000-07:00

The other day, I made a post on Facebook bemoaning how being in nursing school has taken away my social life. Now almost every free moment I have is spent in school, studying, or doing some chore around the home. In that post my friend told me "be the oak". That struck a cord deep within my soul. It occurred to me the other day that being the oak is exactly what I am trying to do when I meditate and do the two powers meditation. Not literally an oak of course, but to soak up the power under the earth like an oak takes in water from the soil. To soak up the power of the sky like the oak's leaves soak up the light of the sun. I suspect JMG had this idea when he created his tree of light meditation exercise. What's more, I have also found that when I am in a situation that requires wisdom and slow careful thought; Situations where one might come to find their emotions making there decisions for them, its a time to employ the idea of "be the oak". To say that it has become a mantra isn't the whole truth. When I tell myself "be the Oak" I feel that I am actually tapping into, or rather calling into me the spirit of the oak. When I do it, I find myself feeling much more rooted, stable and unmoved by things like "flimsy" emotions. It's a very good feeling. I feel like I have tapped into working with that tree spirit.

gone like yesterday

2011-10-06T20:21:00.000-07:00

Last night my b'loved water witch came home and asked me to do an Ogham reading for her. I knew it was serious not just from the tone of her voice but just in the fact she was asking me to do it. It's not some thing she askes for often, and only when it really counts. The question was she wanted to know what has become of her friends half-brother who disapeared in Mexico (where he lives) a month ago. I did my prayer, energized the question to the sticks, and cast them. The answer was immediate and without any doubt or obscurity...he was dead. It was so obvious I immediatly choked up and felt a hot tear run down my cheek. I picked up a few other details as well. A weapon, most likely a gun, was used. Money and drugs were some how involved but not directly. So was anger or lust; not sure which, probably both. I am no master of the Ogham, but I have done enough readings to have confidence in them. I never expected to do such a reading. I hope I don't have to again.

My own Mabon

2011-09-28T20:40:00.000-07:00

Some times, you need to fly solo. I love people, and I love sharing high days and rituals with lots of people. I love a drum circle around a fire with dancers of all kinds. This time however I chose to keep it simple. There were a number of factors that went into my decision to celebrate the fall equinox alone. First of all now that nursing school has started, I am very busy, and I do not have as much free time as I usually do. Secondly my pagan community just put a lot of effort into a pagan pride day and asking them to then put on a public ritual would have been too much. Thirdly, I just wanted to.

I kept it as simple as I could. The setting was my back yard. A place that has seen two years worth of rituals now; the Nemeton is well established. I used no table or alter. I placed a white alter cloth upon the ground near the fire and well. I brought out oil, incense and ale for my offerings. A silver chalice of pure water. I wore only my old comfy blue jeans and no shirt. Over my shoulder hung my self-made crane bag. In it were the silver stag symbol I use to silver the well, a lighter to start the fire, and my Ogham for divination. In my right hand my staff.

I began the ritual declaring my presence and my intention. The words were not prescripted as I have often done before. These came straight from my heart. I ran through the core order of ritual, a format that I know very well now having practiced it dozens of times. All of it spoken, just between me the gods, the spirits, and the ancestors. I gave my offerings, and asked for a sign of their acceptance and blessing. The ancestors gave me Beith. The spirits gave me Tienne. And the gods offered me Nin. I took these for a good omen and blessing. I asked for the blessing and drank them in to the deepest part of my soul. I spent some time just sitting at the fire contemplating the omen and the blessings and my life in general. I am not sure how long I was there, but the fire started to die down. I thanked the kindred, and closed the right. As I walked back in to the house I felt at peace.

I would not want to do every high day solo. No, I miss my friends and fellow pagans too much to do that. I love the high days with lots of food and laughter. With people to help me do rituals and do them big!...but every once in a while, just once in a while, I need to do one alone.

What is Mabon?

2011-09-24T21:19:00.000-07:00

Autumn equinox also known as Mabon or Alban Elfed, is the time of the harvest. In the welsh druid tradition it is associated with the sun setting into the “ocean” that surrounds the world. It is placed on the western side of the wheel of the year and is associated with the setting sun, the coming of old age, and the reaping the fruits, grains, and nuts of the year. Alban Elfed to me is very much about taking up the rewards of the hard work. The reaping of the harvest that was lovingly planted, the enjoying of the labors of spring and summer. Perhaps it’s the Americana in me, but I also think that at this festival it’s important to show thanks to the holy kindred for all the blessings they have given throughout the year.

There are many reaping rituals from the old world that relate to this holiday. Most of them have to do with either the first cutting of the corn or the last. I can relate to this having grown up on a very agricultural community that had seasons very near to those in the British Isles. Now that I live much farther south in a totally different ecology, I find that these old associations of the last of the harvest don’t ring as true. Here the growing season is very long and the final harvest is still a long ways off. That’s why agricultural products are still California’s largest export.

One harvest that is the same in all the northern hemisphere though is the harvesting of wild game, the hunt. I think many modern pagans forget the importance that the hunt was to bolster the food stores of the ancients. The rituals surrounding the hunt have found to be some of the oldest known rituals in the world. As a hunter this time of year it’s important to give thanks to the nature spirits that we hunt. A gift for a gift—the heart of the Ghosti* relationship after all, they give their lives so that we may live, in turn it is only right that we give them something . I honor them with offerings, before the hunt, and I honor them by telling their stories after the hunt. Most importantly I honor them by donating money to groups like the Rocky mountain elk foundation and Ducks unlimited. I believe these organizations do more to preserve the ecology than any other organizations.

So there you have it. Mabon is a special feast of thanks and offering. It really makes real the idea of the Ghost* relationship. It is a time to reap the efforts of our hard work and a time to give thanks to the holy kindred for all they give us…as a gift calls for a gift.

Meditation journal #14 the garden

2011-09-21T21:23:00.000-07:00

Today I pulled out the Ogham for Gort. This few is interpreted as a garden or farmers field. It signals growth and happiness through hard work. How fitting for me at this time. I am working hard in the nursing program and growing from it. The program is really challenging me, something school doesn't do to me often. What's more, I am really enjoying the program. I am very much working and toiling away to grow and though I am enjoying the journey I know joy awaits me at the end of the "season" as well. I also asked myself where do I go when I need to be in a "safe" place? Not hard, I go to my alter. Here is where I feel safe and find communion with the powers of the world.

Central Vally Pagan Pride

2011-09-19T12:55:00.000-07:00

This weekend I had the oppertunity to set up a both at the Central Vally Pagan Pride day celebration. The booth was for my local Pagan meetup, and we took the opertunity to do a rafle and raise some money for our group to pay for our public rituals that we do. I have been to four different Pagan Pride day celebrations, and this year was by far the best one yet. It was fun, well organized and ran increadiblly smooth. All of our meetup members who went had a good time. I even got to accidentaly group one of my blog readers! no really it was an accident. =)
The meetup was honored with the task of doing the closing ceremony for the day. I can't say enough how proud I am of every one that participated in that. It came off beautifully. After the ritual but before I had stepped away from the alter, I woman came to my wife and I and asked us to bless some items for her. I was deeply honored, and touched, and did my very best to move as much energy as possible into said items.

Nursing school as been keeping me very busy of late. I am doing well, and really enjoying it. I know it's going to be a great profession for me. I am still meditating 4 or more times a week with daily devotionals.

I have not noticed any negative back lash from my last working. I am planning to move ahead then with the next part and create a fetish with which to give offerings to the mighty dead.

Also coming up quickly will be the first handfasting that I am presiding over. It will happen near the middle of Oct. After that will be Samhain! Pieces are falling in place for a full on all day festival!

Meeting the Ancestors

2011-09-05T21:24:00.000-07:00

First I want to start saying sorry for the long period of silence here on my blog. I have started my nursing school training and wow, the amount of work and time required is more then any course I have yet done. Thank you all for your patience and understanding. I think it's safe to assume that my posts will not be as frequent as they once were. Despite the work load however, I am still doing my meditations and magical work, which brings me to the main point of this post.

Two days past I held audience with the dead. I did the working as instructed by Ian Corrigan's book of summoning. The rite ran smoothly with no interruptions. I used the suggested offerings of bread, ale, and honey. I believe the working was a success. I got the impression of the ancestors about my fire in my inner vision. When I asked if my offerings were accepted I pulled the ogham few of Nuin. A few of weaving and communication. I took this as a good sign. That I and the dead are interwoven and they are willing to communicate with me and form a connection. Thus I asked their blessing upon the waters. Some of this water was drunk and some was used to create a skull fetish that now rests on my alter and will be a physical anchor for them to receive my offerings on a daily basis, and in return, I hope they will teach me and bless me with the wisdom of their years of experience. One disappointment I had was I had been hoping to get a sense of my father's mother being present. I never really knew her, she lived far away and died from lung cancer when I was only about six. Perhaps in time if she is still in the realm of the dead she will make an appearance.

Pagan baby blessing=success

2011-08-27T22:32:00.000-07:00

Tonight I got to do my first pagan baby blessing. I was honored that the couple asked myself and my b'loved bride to do the rite for them. I met with he happy parents last week to find out what they had in mind. We created an eclectic wicca/adf druidy rite. I'll post the outline for the rite when I get a chance. The high points of the right were the 12 gifts each person gave to the baby. I was to give the gift of "reverence". There was a call to the ancestors, and to the spirit wolf, the parents totem, to watch over and protect the child. We finished with a stylised great right to bless the waters in the chalice which as then used to anoint the child. I received many compliments on the rite. I am very pleased with it. I did learn a few things though. 1. never test a new product during a public rite. Stick with what you know works. I used a new brand of synthetic fire log, and well, it was a very sad fire. It just didn't burn well. Also living where I do, scheduling a baby blessing for Aguste was not the best idea. It was too hot for the little guy outside, even after sun down. Babies can't regulate their body temperatures like adults can. We ended up having to move the ritual inside. Despite these lessons learned I think it went well and I know I enjoyed doing it.

Essay on the two powers

2011-08-18T14:42:00.001-07:00

The two powers meditation is a mental and spiritual exercise that helps one connect to the two powers or currents that make up all things. The two powers are divided into “the flow of the earth” or “the flow under the earth” and “the sky power”. In my experience I would describe the nature of the earth current as heavy, cool, liquid, dark, nourishing, filling, calming, soothing, and dull. The nature of the sky power seems to be fast, light, bright, shooting, electrical, warm, empty, fiery, energizing, and cutting.

The earth current is the chaos from which all things arise; the sky current is that which gives form to all things, thus together they create all things in the universe. These two powers are not stagnant; in fact it seems to me there is a constant flow of these two powers. Most people are not aware of them, just as a fish is not aware that it lives surrounded by water, that is, until the water is taken away in some manner. Many ancient cultures have similar ideas to our two powers. As a teenager and young man I studied Taoism and they name the two powers Yin and Yang. I have chosen the Irish Gaelic culture as my hearth culture. It would see the closest idea to the two powers they have is the concepts of Bri and Bua. According to Rev. Ian Corrigan’s book “Sacred fire, holy well” Bri “..is the innate meaning, ability, power and/or talent in any person, place, or thing” and it is loosely associated with the earth power. Bua “..is the power, meaning, ability or forms placed upon or within any person, place or thing by the will and work of a being.” And thus Bua is associated loosely with the sky power (Corrigan, 2006). Personally I see both Bri and Bua made up of both currents, the difference according to Rev. Corrigan is energy in stasis and energy in motion (Corrigan, 2006).

It would be very easy to see the two powers as a binary system. Light and dark, heavy and light, life and death, chaos and order. Though there is some truth to this, it is more complicated than that. The two powers are complimentary and have to come together to create everything. So within all things are the two powers. Water is not all earth power, and light is not all sky power. Men are not all sky power and woman all earth power. We are a mixture of both.

Some people attribute gender and cultures attribute gender to the two powers. Having felt the two powers and used them in a variety of magical workings I can understand why this occurs. What’s interesting is that there is not a constant between the genders assigned and the different cultures. Some cultures call the sky power male, while others female. Perhaps because of my previous exposure to the Taoist idea of yin and yang, I have never felt a need to assign the two powers a gender.

One the main practical applications of the two powers exercise and attunement is for the purpose of grounding. This exercise works well for ADF and fits into the cosmology very well. Our cosmology is made up of the fire, the well, and the tree, the land, sea, and sky. The two powers correspond nicely with this because the fire is the sky, is the sky power. The well is the sea, the earth power. The tree is the middle world in which we live where the earth power and sky power meet. This makes ties the concepts together and adds to our understanding of the cosmos on a spiritual level. This in turn helps to open our heart and mind up to the two powers and thus achieve the grounding needed for good ritual work.

Meditation journal #14

2011-08-18T10:05:00.000-07:00

my mental discipline training is on going. When it comes to the Ogham meditations I have pulled Ngtal or wound/charm and Ciert recently. Ngtal got me thinking about the times I have been wounded both physically and emotionally and how that has affected my personality and how I respond to events in my life now. It got me asking where do need healing? Mostly I came away feeling that I have healed much in the last few years. I looked at what I do to heal the people around me, and the natural world. I find that I really enjoy the work of the shaman. Working as a person who mediates between this world and the world of the spirits.

Ciert is a few of difficulties and challenges, of ill luck. However there is hope to the badness of it. This got me thinking about how I handle situations of ill or bad luck. What I can do in future times of bad luck to handle the situation better then I have in the past. When used carefully in magic, Ciert can be used to help end bad luck and difficulties. This led me to thinking about what I do to help people with their difficulties. This is a skill I learned long ago and one I often employ. I usually do it in a practical way in this world, I have also done it in a magical/shamanic context as well.

I continue to do the two powers meditation and working. Today I felt the two powers even more strongly then before. I didn't think this would happen any more, as I had been feeling them very strongly for a long time now. Yet today showed me that there is the possibility of pulling the two powers in in even greater amount. This leads me to wonder just how much a person can learn to draw in. How much is really needed for magical workings and spirit art? Do I command enough of the two powers to gain the authority I will need in working with the spirits? I suppose this is a question to put to my spirit ally.

Ready...set....oh wait.

2011-08-15T11:04:00.000-07:00

SO I got Ian's updated book to Druidic spirit arte. In it he has a couple new rituals to do that at allow one to contact the dead, and get a teaching spirit from among the dead, as well as build a shrine to the dead on which to leave offerings, thus strengthening that connection. I haven't done this, and I sense it's some thing I need to do before I do the hosting of the Sidhe. I am in the process of gathering the things I need to do this work.

Religion isn't free.

2011-08-14T21:14:00.000-07:00

I always knew that ADF was not a financial power house in the world. During Druidpalooza it came to me just how true this was. ADF doesn't even own an office space. That's right. It was said that the financial troubles stem from the idea that most pagans feel that religion is free. I am here to say Religion is not free. Spirituality is free. Religion costs money. ADF is a organized religion. Some thing all ADFer's should be aware of. There are a lot of good things that can come from being in an organized religion. Social programs, nice places of worship, training programs, high day celebrations, and community services just to name a few. All of these things cost money. Money that has to come from people like you and me.

In the past 6th months I have come to love ADF and what it is, and what it could be. We share the same dreams...the same goals. I would love to see ADF Nemotons spring up all over the world. Beautiful places of worship. Places of peace. These places will not come for free. If you are like me and you want these things. If you want ADF to have a simple office, if you want to see pagan druidry grow and take it's place in mainstream society, we are going to have to work for it. We...you and me...are going to have to pay for it.

Signs of power complete

2011-08-12T20:27:00.001-07:00

The clay disk with the signs of power has been made whole and holly. All I need to do now is gather together the offerings for the Sidhe.

Fertility

2011-08-10T20:32:00.001-07:00

“By the blessings of the holy kindred let my seas be fertile, let my sky be fertile, and let my land be fertile”—Invocation of fertility by Gwynt

Fertility is far more then the simple matter of physical reproduction. That is merely one small meaning of the word and very little to do with it as a virtue. Dictionary.com defines virtue as:
1. the state or quality of being fertile.
2. Biology . the ability to produce offspring; power of reproduction: the amazing fertility of rabbits.
3. the birthrate of a population.

None of these definitions fit the meaning of fertility as used by ADF and as a virtue. In ADF Fertility is defined as: "Bounty of mind, body and spirit, involving creativity, production of objects, food, works of art, etc., an appreciation of the physical, sensual, and nurturing". When I read this I come to understand that fertility is much deeper virtue then just about producing children. It’s about the act of creation, regardless of it’s something physical or not. It could be art or ideas. When I see the deeper meaning to fertility I see its value as a part of society. A society with fertile people is healthy, strong. It can overcome almost any problem that comes its way. Fertility is not just coming up with ideas, though that is the first stage of it, to be truly fertile, I believe one must in some way bring the ideas into the physical realm. The Painting painted, the words written or typed, the invention built, the plants must grow. Ideas are but seeds. If the seeds never grow, one cannot say the ground is fertile now can they?

I see the land, sea, and sky as not just realms around us, but within us and what we are made of. I see my physical body as the land, my emotions the sea, and my mind the sky. When I speak the prayer quoted above, I am asking that my body be strong and full of life. I am asking my emotions to grow and change to spring up and die off as is natural. I am asking my mind to be creative, for ideas to grow and blossom. This is what it means to be fertile in land, sea, and sky.

I think one of my greatest acts of fertility I have done in my life was the creation of an eclectic meet up group of pagans in my area. It is called kern County Pagan Circle and is made up of Wiccans, eclectic witches, druids, and Asatru. We meet each week at a local metaphysical store. Many people who were lost and following the faint rhythms of their pagan heart have come to the group and learned to hear those rhythms clearly. They have found not only information, but a community, a community that has come to call itself “the tribe”. It has grown over the years, and at our Lughnasadh celebration we had forty five attendees and their families. This represented three counties and five cities. When I look at all the happy faces, I know that I had a hand in helping them find a spiritual path that makes them fertile in land, sea, and sky.

Meditation journal #13

2011-08-09T20:48:00.000-07:00

I continue with my daily devotionals and meditation. Last week I had one meditation that turned into a spontaneous spirit walk. I found myself dropping through the air to be greeted by Eagle. We flew together for a time and he showed me some things and had some words of wisdom to share. I wish I had written it down sooner. In the vision Eagle took me to the tower in which Balor of the evil eye had imprisoned his daughter in the hopes of preventing the prophecy of his death by his grandson from coming true.

I am still alternating my days between the two powers exercise and Ogham meditations. Yesterday was the two powers, and I felt the flow strongly in me. I find that I enjoy the sensation a good deal. Today was an Ogham meditation. I pulled the few Beith or Birch. It represents beginnings and purification. I thought of how my life is about to take on a new beginning in a few days with me beginning the Registered nursing program.

Signs of power

2011-08-09T09:19:00.000-07:00

Last night I made my first attempt at the signs of power needed for the hosting of the spirits. It is currently drying on my alter. Thus far the clay and summoning earth mixture has not cracked and we are looking good. I will do the blessing of the signs this Friday, assuming of course that the disk doesn't crack.

Lughnasadh with Coast oak Grove

2011-08-04T13:58:00.000-07:00

My Lughnasadh started when I arrived at the camp site. The day was filled with lectures and learning, as well as time getting to know good friends. After dinner we washed up and donned our robes. We gathered in a circle of the grove, the central fire already burning. Coast Oak grove took the lead in the ritual of course, but they asked the three of us from the newly forming Cottonwood river protogrove to take up some of the parts. The ritual of course followed COoR. Though they did do some things in a way I had never seen or thought of doing before. It was also the first time I had witnessed the use of whisky as sacrifice and offering in a ritual.

There was the stating of the intention and a welcome. This was followed by the earth mother offering and a song to honor her. Next came the invocation of inspiration to Brigit and an offering of milk, pored out onto the ground, so as not to put out the fire. Cottonwood protogrove stepped up for the blessing of the hollows. I did the world tree. I was a bit nervous, especially since the Arch-druid was standing right beside me. Next was the invocation of the kidreds. Again each member of cottonwood protogrove got to invite one of the kindreds to the fire. I was assigned the gods. I felt that I did a good job, but again nervous. Next came the part where we ask that the sky not fall, the sea not rise, and the land stand firm. Coast oak grove's tradition at this is to take a bowl and add earth, then water, then symbolically scoop in air into the mixture. The bowl then sits on the alter through the ritual. After each point in the ritual there was a song to go with it. I enjoyed this a lot more then I have in the past. I am not sure why. It maybe that Coast Oak grove did such a good job of making us feel at home.

At the offerings, I put a knife that I had hand crafted into the fire for Lugh. He has helped me so much the past couple years. I hope that it pleases him, and he will continue to bless my life. After the invocation of the waters of life and the Omens, which were excellent by the way, some thing unexpected happened. The seer of Coast Oak Grove called the three of us of Cottonwood protogrove to the center and had us stand back to back, where we, and the fledgling protogrove were blessed by the arch-druid and the others around us. It was an amazing and magical, not to mention loving moment. It's some thing I will never forget.

After that the ritual was wound down in the usual way with offerings of thanks to the kindreds and gate keeper, and a recessional song.

I look back now to when I did my first ADF COoR all alone at Yule. How much more I have come to understand the core order of ritual, and the why's of it. How now, I can do a ritual without an outline. How much I have grown. How I have come from standing alone on a cold day stuttering and uncertain, to standing in the midle of 20 people confidently filling my role. I wounder what it will be like another year from now.

What is Lughnasa?

2011-08-02T08:30:00.001-07:00

What is Lughnasa?

“Feed the flames and set them dancing. Hail the sun and hail to life! Spear of fire burn so brightly as the sun wheel in the sky. Spear of fire burn within me, oh hi lunosha, oh hail lughnasa!”—Omnia, Lughnasa

Lughnasa, to me at least, is of major importance. Lugh is major god of the Irish Celts and the other Celtic tribes as well, and Lughnasa, often translated to mean “the feast of Lugh” is the time of year we celebrate him, and the stories that surround him. In the Irish stories Lughnasa came about as a result of three major events. First the defeat of the Fomorians by Lugh and the Tuatha de Danan. Second the death of Lugh’s foster mother Tailtiu after she cleared the land for agricultural use. Lastly was the marriage of Lugh to the goddess of sovereignty Eiru, who’s name I believe Ireland is derived from.

The feast of Lugh, Lughnasa, is a feast that commemorates all these events. It’s a time of thanksgiving and the first celebration of the three harvest festivals in our calendar of neo-pagan high days. The harvest of Lughnasa is the grains of the land. The Barley corn and the summer wheat. Bread is of course a common and important part of Lughnasa rituals. Lugh is a god who is called the master of all skills; as such games of skill are another important part of a lughnasa ritual. As Tailtiu lie dying from the over exertion of clearing the land she said “let there be games in honor of me, and there will always be music in Ireland”. Feasting is also a part of this time of year as people come together to celebrate. The ritual also helps to mark the change in the agricultural season. The growing time is mostly over and it’s time to get to work harvesting, for all the harvests must be in by Samhain. A large bonfire was another tradition, and can often be found still today in many neo-pagan Lughnasa rites. Lughnasa was also a time to make oaths and vows, a time to do business and have weddings. One major factor that would contribute to this was that during Lughnasa all warring and fighting must cease between families and tribes. This seems to me to lend itself to a good time for marriages and business, without fear of violence. I think all of these are excellent traditions and I would love to see them continued in our reconstructed pagan rites.

On a more personal level Lughnasa is about celebrating a personal patron. Lugh inspires me to lead, to master the skills I need, and to broaden myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. So at Lughnasa I spend a few weeks before hand crafting something just for Lugh. Something that takes skill to do, and then I sacrifice that thing to him in a good fire. An example from this year would be the knife I made for him. I did not forge the blade, that was given, but I assembled it and gave it a handle from a block of oak and shaped it. At the ritual I dedicated it with a few words and placed it into the fire. I also make sure at some point to telling the Story of Lugh, of his birth, childhood, coming to Tara, his kingship and the defeat of the Fomorians, and ending with the sacrifice of his mother and marriage.

Druidpalooza 2011: harvest the grain of knowledge

2011-08-01T07:54:00.000-07:00

As with so many things in life I didn't know what to expect at my first Druidpalooza. This was the third year for this event sponsored by Coast Oak Grove, ADF. Myself and the two other druids who are forming the protogrove with me packed our gear and drove 5 and a 1/2 hours to the camp site. The camp grounds were nice, and had running water toilets and quarter operated showers. One of the more developed camp grounds I have been to in years. We were greeted with a great friendly smile and a hardy hand shake. After introductions we unpacked our camp. the usual things: tent, sleeping pads and bags, food, clothing bags. The final touch was the new banner for our Protogrove. Just before we left, we had finally settled on the name of Cottonwood river protogrove, ADF.

The first night was a chance to meet the attendees and ADF's Arch Druid. We spent the night talking, laughing, and enjoying each other's company. We were fed great food and fun stories. Unable to stop myself as usual I shared my own stories as well and when not talking I absorbed as much of the experience as I could. People were quick to pledge their help to our fledgling protogrove and much advice and wisdom was given to me on tips and tricks to running a protogrove. I took it all in. By night time the park had been filled to capacity, around us was an extremely large and noisy church group, as well as many other campers. This was, for me, the only down side as the sheer number of people created a chaotic energy about the place, and the noise of so many kept me awake at night between crying children and random car alarms. Sleep came only in spurts.

On Saturday we woke, showered, eat breakfast, and after dishes headed out for a short hike. When we returned we had the first of our lectures. A great lecture on "hot topics in druidry". I gleaned a lot of advice and ideas for future use from this lecture. It really got me thinking as how I will describe to some one what druidry in sixty seconds! A challenge to say the least! The next lecture came after lunch. The topic was Pre-Republic Roman cosmology and liturgy. I found the lecture fascinating as it was one that I know nothing about. Despite my interest however, the food, warm weather, and gentle cooling breeze got the best of me and I caught myself drifting off once. I managed to stay awake by drinking some pop and snacking on trail mix. I didn't want to miss any of it. After that lecture we had a small break and then came together again for the archdruids talk on "the lady with the mead cup". I had been very much looking forward to this lecture. It was everything I had hoped for. It really helped to crystallize a lot of ideas I had had running about my head in regards to Ireland's goddesses of sovereignty. It also helped define what the sacred king is and we enjoyed learning about the pros and cons of being such a thing. In the end, we were asked, how might the ideas and stories of the sacred kings and goddesses of sovereignty might be used for trans-personal work. This is something I hope to explore in the near future, and when I have some ideas I'll share then with the Archdruid.

After the last lecture it was dinner and on to the Lughnasa ritual. Coast oak grove invited us to join in the ritual. This was both an honor and made us a bit nervous. Though we know the COoR, the details of ritual very from group to group and we were not familiar with their details. Still I feel the ritual came off very nicely. Many offerings were made. I offered the knife I had made last week just for lugh. I couldn't help but get emotional as I made my offering. Lugh has given me so much, helped me so much the past few years. It felt good to give him a gift back. I felt that it is something he'll truly appreciate. I made it myself to the best of my skill. When all had given offerings, omens were taken with the Futhark runes. Three runes drawn. Three of the best runes possible. Truly it was a very good omen. The waters of life were blessed and we drank them in. Next, much to my[ surprise, the seer for Coast Oak Grove called the three of us, Cottonwood protogrove, to the fire and had us stand back to back as we were then blessed by the archdruid and all those in attendance that our protogrove grow strong and healthy. It was incredibly touching. At least a couple of us had tears. To soon the ritual was ended, and the fire was once again just a fire.

We stayed up late into the night sharing drink and stories and wisdom. We then went to bed, and upon Sunday morning it was time to pack up and come home. The drive home felt long to me. I was aching to see my b'loved water witch again. Several times I nodded off on the drive. Good thing I wasn't the one driving! In both my waking and napping I found myself processing all that I had learned and seen and experienced. Now I am home, my stuff put away, yet still I know I am processing all I learned. It was a great time, and great experience. I know that I will remember it for many many years.

The Druidpalooza

2011-07-28T20:08:00.000-07:00

I am leaving early in the morning for my first ADF Druid get together. I'll probably be posting stories of the experience when I get back, so stay tuned!

Hospitality

2011-07-26T19:09:00.000-07:00

For 't is always fair weatherWhen good fellows get togetherWith a stein on the table and a good song ringing clear.- Richard Hovey, Spring

It had been six or seven moons since I had last seen my parents. The eleven hours of driving wear weighing in on my low back. My emotions rubbed a bit raw from having to drop my children off with their mother after a wonderful two week visit with me. In short I was tired, achy, and already missing my kids. I drove up to the large house of my child hood. The verdant forest surrounding it was lush and green; the grass in the wild places as tall as me. I sat in the car not sure of what to expect inside. Though my relationship with my parents had always been pretty good as a rule, how they were with each other was a question. I knew my father had just moved back home after a year’s absence, as they had worked out the issues that can build up after forty five years of marriage. Add to that their closet alcoholism and things can get weird. Thankful I didn’t have to sleep in my car or get a hotel, I got out. My father met me at the door, he had obviously noticed I pulled up and was waiting, and he met me with a warmer smile then I had felt from him for some years. Mother was in the kitchen putting the last touches on her amazing eggplant parmesan dish. It takes her all day to cook it and she made it just for my being there. The food was amazing, but even more so was the feeling of warmth and welcome I felt. At dinner I regailed my parents with stories of my adventures and the crazy things that life throws at us and of the times shared with my kids. I helped do the dishes and we shared in some ice cream. Never once did it feel awkward or uncomfortable. Though I had visited many times since I moved out of state, this…this was the best hospitality I had yet known. As I lied in bed that night I wondered what was different. It wasn’t the special dinner, no, they had done similar things in the past, it seemed to me that the difference came from deep within my parents. It would seem they had worked through much of their problems, and found that at the center they still loved each other. This love flowed. Not just between them, but out into the home, into me the guest. I realized then that this is what real hospitality was. It’s not the home, the bed, the food, the drink or the conversation. It’s the love.

ADF defines hospitality as: “Acting as both a gracious host and an appreciative guest, involving benevolence, friendliness, humor, and the honouring of "a gift for a gift."” Often times in our modern American society we think that the whole burden of hospitality lies upon the host. Yet this is really only half the relationship. The other half lies with the guest. Being a good guest is just as important. This relationship is the “Ghosti” relationship. This is the relationship that we share not only with other humans, but with the gods, spirits, and ancestors. We meet with the kindred in a very special place called a Nematon. It is here that we invite the kindred to join us. When they do we give gifts to them in the form of sacrifice. In return they gift us back with their blessings. This is the meaning of “a gift for a gift”. Since learning about this concept I have tried hard to incorporate it into my life, not just with the gods, but with friends and family too. This has worked well for my life. I feel that the relationships that I have developed over the last few years have been the best I have ever had. I feel that having this understanding of the Ghosti* relationship has been a big part of that. I have also come to realize that there is a big difference between just going through the motions of the Ghosti* relationship and doing it with love.

Meditation journal entry #12

2011-07-19T16:21:00.001-07:00

Been some time since I have written about my meditations. There hasn't been much to write about though until recently. The last two weeks I didn't make time to meditate like I normally do. I had the very special visiting time with my kids. I got to have the for the whole two weeks and wow, what a great time we all had. I can't put into words how nice it was to be with them again. I can only say I felt complete in a way I usually don't. Still, after they went back to their mother, I slipped into my old routine of daily meditation. The first day back at it was pretty interesting. I really worked the two powers and filled my three cauldrons. I had a strong sensation of them realigning. I have come to suspect that what I sense as a re-aligning is what the original author of the cauldrons of posey may have meant when he talks about the cauldrons being tipped on their sides or upside down and how we can turn them right side up.

Today I chose to do an Ogham meditation. That means I pull out a Ogham Few at random and meditate upon it's meanings as they pertain to my life. Ruis was the few that chose me today. I considered what are my passions in life, what am I passionate about. This seemed very fitting at this time as just last night my b'loved water witch was saying how I don't seem as happy of late. Though last night I came up with several reasons that may be contributing to this, it occurred to me today that much of it is that I am not acting upon the things that I am passionate about. One of those things that I am passionate about it helping people with the problems they are struggling with. This led me to post on FaceBook that I was giving free Ogham readings for the day so as to get more practice in. I had several requests. Good questions most of them and I enjoyed the practice and I feel that I was able to help those who asked. All but one that is. One question I could not discern an answer that made sense. I may attempt the divination at another time. Part of the difficulty is the nature of the question isn't one that the Ogham is going to be able to answer easily. In the end I feel a fire in my heart that I haven't had in a while.

Summoning earth...check!

2011-07-18T10:38:00.000-07:00

The air was warm and pleasent. The darkness around me like a comforting hand. The wind was a gentle breeze, perfect to keep the fire burning hot. The noise level was acceptably quiet and still, a small blessing when you live in an urban environment.
All was in readiness for the ritual of creating the summoning earth. I had to make a few changes to the recipie though. Due to the climate I live in getting my hands on Rowan and Hazel is impossible. Two woods needed for the ritual. Oak I had, but not the other two. As the purpose of the woods is to add thier Bua to the summoning earth, I thearized that I could get the same effect with using their Ogham coralations. I lit the fire. The dried pine needles went up in a "whoosh". The oak caught quickly. As the fire's life grew stronger, I placed the Ogham few's in it. Then I place the herbs. When all was placed I began the chanting. "A teine gealach"
"A teine Or"
"A teine dearg"
"A teine mor"
"A teine naomh, bigi anseo liom!"

I read the chant at first, until it became memorized. Slowly the chant became less mechanical and began to flow from me like water. I felt my mind sink into trance. My eyes closed. I held the vision in my head and could hear the nine chanting with me...or was it me with them? I am no singer by any means, but in time the chant came out as song. I am not sure how long I was chanting/singing when I suddenly felt a presence behind me and to my right. I can't explain how I knew. It's like those times your sure some one is watching you, only more that they are standing there as well. I turned and looked but of course didn't see anything. I could just feel them. I came in and out of trance as things distracted me. Loud cars, the neighbor putzing around his back yard, but that feeling of some thing or some one being there near me watching me never went away. I found it a bit un-nerving. None the less I kept on with the chanting. Two and a half hours worth untill the fire died and the embers were only the faintest of glowing. I had to get up early the next morning for a long trip, so I called it good. In the morning while every one was still asleep, I scooped up the cooled ashes and completed the ritual adding nine drops of my blood and two handfuls of grave yard dirt.
Done and done and well done.

Po-sun-co-la takes three...

2011-07-13T20:59:00.000-07:00

In June Po-sun-co-la took three lives. Two of them were largely due to stupidity. The third was a bit more curious. The man was simply camping at the edge of the river and was reported missing by other campers. His body was found down river lodged in the roots of a tree. So was one of the earlier victims body. The third body still hasn't been located.

grave matters

2011-07-11T20:43:00.000-07:00

The full moon once again approaches. The time for making summoning earth is nigh.

Nature Journal #5

2011-06-29T19:10:00.000-07:00

Last week and weekend I got to spend several hours enjoying nature. On Thursday I sat again at the bank of Po-sun-co-la. I like to sit at the foot of a tree, some of who's roots have been exposed by the eroding bank of the river. The river still is high from the melt off in the mountains. she flows quickly these days. Already the temperature is in the upper 80's and low 90's. Once I was comfortable, I reached into my crane bag and pulled out some incense. I lit it and offered it to the nature spirits of the place as gift in hope of their welcome. Things were quiet and still for some time. After a bit I heard voices. This was not overly surprising as I was in a park, and though I was in a secluded spot off the "beaten" path from time to time people pass me by. What did surprise me though was to see a man floating down the river in an innertube! of course he was not wearing a life jacket. I could only shake my head and watch him pass. I small prayer escaped my lips for his safety. Po-sun-co-la has a reputation as a killer. Once the rafters went past silence returned. I watched the trees in the dappled sunlight. Some of them dipped their branches into the water casually. Birds flit from branch to branch. As I looked up and to my right I was treated to an aerial show. A large group of damsel flies had swarmed. They would all fly together in a spherical pattern centered around some thing only they seemed to know, then suddenly they would simultaneously fly off in different directions and land on the branches of nearby trees. After a brief pause, at some unknown signal to me, they would all fly together again in the massive sphere of darting damsel flies. This patterned repeated itself time and again as I watched transfixed. I have never seen damsel flies behave in this way before. I have chosen to take it as a sign from the nature spirits, that my offering was well received and I was welcome in that place.

Over the weekend I got to travel just south of Yosemite national park for a handfasting. On Sunday, myself, my beloved water witch, the air witch, and my fellow ADFer druid got to spend some quality time in a giant sequoia grove. Long time readers will know that I have spent a long time with many different trees. I often exchange energy with trees. I walked up to a large giant, estimated at well over 2,000 years old and placed my hand on it's soft bark. I talked to the tree, and gave it the offering of water from my canteen. The energy that I got back from it was not like any tree energy I have ever felt before. It's hard to put into words. After giving it some thought I would say it was like sleepy silk scarf lightly running over the skin of my arm. So much more subtle then any tree energy I have experienced before. Besides the sequoia there were beautiful dogwoods with bright white flowers in full bloom. There were some old growth Douglas fir as well. This was very pleasing to me as it was like being in my old home again. There were also incense ceders. I took some incense ceder and a small black raven feather I found to use in my Lughnasa offering. There was also sugar pine and white fir. It was nice to once again be in a place where I could recognize the trees.

Lastly one of the neatest sights was that of a tree growing out of a stump of a giant sequoia that had been cut down over 100 years ago. I immediately thought of the ADF symbol.

Moderation

2011-06-28T21:10:00.001-07:00

Moderation is the silken string running through the pearl chain of all virtues. Joseph Hall

Moderation in ADF is defined as “Cultivating one's appetites so that one is neither a slave to them nor driven to ill health (mental or physical), through excess or deficiency." Seems simple enough on the surface, yet I can’t help but feel that this definition is a bit limiting. I am a big proponent of moderation in all things, even moderation; always have been. The way this definition is worded though specifies “one’s appetites”. This then focuses on things like food, drink, drugs, and sex. These are the safe things; the easy things that most people in most cultures will agree should be carried out with moderation. But what of things like anger, love, generosity, education, exercise, cleanliness, control and reward and punishment? These are things that I feel also need to know the virtue of moderation but don’t fall clearly under the title of “appetites”. I think we would all agree that anger needs moderation. Without it bad and often unjust things happen. People die every day to un-moderated anger. What of love you ask? Love also needs to be moderated. I define love as “putting the needs of another above your own.” With this definition in mind, is it not possible to see how a lack of moderation in love will cause a person harm? They will become a slave to the one they love, always putting themselves last. In this way they don’t get enough of why they need to flourish and be happy. Let us look at one more; moderation in control. Many times in my life, almost daily, I see people struggle to control every aspect of themselves, of their life, of things that they logically have no control over. Most often it’s the other people in their life. It’s one thing to try and help a person see the effects of their behavior, it’s another to manipulate them into doing what you want. I never could control my mother’s drinking, or my father’s smoking. I never tried to control it. I figured out from early on that it wasn’t anything I was or wasn’t doing that made them drink or smoke. I can’t control my ex-wife’s burst of anger and vengeance. I can’t control their behavior; I can have moderation in my response to it though.

All that being said, there are times when moderation must be discarded and extremes must happen. Sadly there are simply times when the extreme is necessary to bring things back into balance and back to moderation in the bigger picture. War might be an example of this. Though I do not condone war, I do believe there are times when it is necessary. It may be that getting drunk is necessary and is in fact the moderate response. Moderation is the overall theme of life, but there are those rare occasions when moderation must be put aside. Moderation is the key to living a balanced life, and a balanced life is a good life.

124 Knots

2011-06-28T19:49:00.000-07:00

"In this knot I bind the love of two doves"...and so I spoke
124 times in all as that is how many knots it took to make the cord used in my friends' handfasting. My friends have been through a lot, especially in the last year and a half. At one point the end of their marriage seemed assured. I won't go into details about it, as it isn't really my story to tell. I will say that I believe magick was involved in both the seduction and awakening of the couple. In the end they have come through together, whole and stronger for the experience. Both learned and grew more then they ever thought possible. Being asked to craft the cord with which they would use to renew their vows was one of the greatest honors of my life. You can see it in the picture here. I hope its magick serves them well, but to be honest, I doubt they'll need it. They have made all the magic they will ever need.

Summer solstice 2011

2011-06-27T14:30:00.000-07:00

Wow what a difference! I participated in two summer solstice rituals this year. First I played a bardic role in a solstice ritual put on by Kern County Pagan Circle. This is an eclectic meet up of all kinds of pagans, and we put on public rituals for the eight High days. This one was put together by an eclectic wiccan. She and another male member of the group did a pretty good job. I would say the ritual was attended by about thirteen people. The ritual took place on a Saturday at 1:00pm, when the sun was at its zenith. I got to do a lot of drumming for the ritual. The ritual centered around the age old battle between the Holy king and Oak king. We had very nice masks and they dressed up in costumes, and used metal swords with blunt edges with which to fight. Good props make good theater and good theater makes good ritual. The gathered people seemed to really enjoy the fight and story that went with it. I am pretty sure we’ll see these two again at the winter solstice.

The second ritual was an ADF druid only ritual using the COoR. This took place Thursday the 23rd. I had wanted to do it on the 21st but because of work getting in the way, it had to be pushed back. There were only three of us at this ritual, and I performed 90% of it. The energy was so different from the larger group ritual I was part of. I can think of a number of reasons for this. First off is just the number of people in attendance makes a difference. The next major difference for me was that I didn’t feel as mentally prepared for this ritual as I have for others in the past. I have been so busy lately with the mundane world. I must be honest with myself here, I also didn’t put as much pre-work into the ritual as I usually do. I knew there would only be me and two others. I also felt that I had memorized the COoR well enough and that I knew my wording well enough that I wouldn’t need as much. I am wishing now that I had perhaps put a bit more pre-ritual preparation together.

The part that felt the “choppiest” to me was the asking for the blessings into the cup. The words did not flow easily and inspiration left me. I didn’t feel tongue tied so much as numb. Like I could still talk, but it was not with a honeyed tongue. So this is a section I still need to polish.
Most of the ritual went very smoothly, and it was nice to see one of my fellow druids, a new comer to ADF, willing and able to step up and take part in the ritual.

The ritual was very basic COoR. This was so we can all get used to it and practice. Lugh was invited to the grove by name besides the holy kindred in general. At the point to give offerings, we all had some-thing to give and called to different deities. I don’t know if the others were my fellow’s patrons, but I know mine was. I gave a sprig of rosemary that I grew in my garden. An omen was then taken with Ogham fews and I felt the offerings had been accepted. The blessing was the invoked into the cup and passed between us. There was no singing, or drumming. Just simple ritual. Sometimes simple is the best way to be.

After the blessing I had a bit of magic to invoke. Dear friends of mine had decided to renew thier vows of 20 years in a handfasting, and asked me to craft the cord with which the fasting would be done. I made the cord with 124 knots; a charm spoken over each one. With the blessing of kindreds flowing through me I called upon the couples ancestors, I called upon the nature spirits, and Angus Mac Og to lay their blessings upon the cord. I held it upto the open gate. When I felt the time was right I lowered it to me and summoned up the two powers and let them flow through me and into the cord; thus hoping to seal in the energy and the blessings.

I felt a little awkward with people around watching. I usually do such magics solo, but I felt it was good for the other two to see a bit of magic being done, and I felt safe enough with them there.

So it goes another turn of the wheel, another summer solstice done.
May your fires burn brightly, may your waters run deep.

Sit back and watch her flail

2011-06-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

So it's been a couple months since my ex has done anything to try and "get to me". which means it should come as no surprise that she drop the shoe today. I have been in negotiation with her to have my kids stay with me for a couple weeks. When all is lined up, she decides to tell me that she refuses to send any clothes with them, and that I'll have to provide clothes myself. In the past, I am sure this tactic would have upset me emotionally. Today, after years of learning, and many hours of druidic mental training it doesn't. In fact I have no reaction to it all except for a mild "bemusement". After all this time she still flails in her anger and rage to try and lash out at me in passive aggressive ways.

It's sad really. I see her filled with such venom and anger and hate and poison. She doesn't even see it. She thinks she's better then most everyone else. She doesn't understand that she's filled with hate and anger. Thus, she'll never get better. She'll always push people away, live in loneliness and darkness and void of love and friendship. Yes very sad. Perhaps some day she'll wake up and see the nothingness, but I am not holding my breath.

I am writing about all this not to "bag" on the ex, but to point out to my dear readers that I believe my daily meditations, and spiritual work and awakenings I have had upon the druid path that have gotten me to the point where the ex's antics no longer effect me on an emotional level. At least not today. This is no more then a last minuet logistics problem to solve. The solution has come in waves of love and giving from my pagan "Framily". A simple post on good old FaceBook and those that have extra clothes or hand me downs are offering their aid. I suspect we'll have more then we need.

So, reader, if your struggling with a person or an issue, I will tell you, keep up the path. Do the daily meditations and devotionals. Learn to spirit-walk, and in time you will see your way clear of the emotional upheavals. You will see the "big Picture" and the small stuff won't throw you. Let go of your anger and hurt, and let the love of the gods, spirits, and mighty dead come flooding in. Then you can sit back and watch 'em flail.

Meditation journal #12

2011-06-22T10:06:00.000-07:00

Nothing major to report. I have been doing my daily devotions and two power meditations with regularity. The words flow, as does the water and fire. It continues to be an important part of my day, and helps me feel empowered and balanced. Really what more can a person ask for? I haven't done any major magical workings for a while now. I am planning one for this Thursday. A druid only solstice ritual, and as part of that I will be doing a magickal working on a cord I made for a friends handfasting. I mention this because it is during magical workings that I make use of the two powers. The daily meditations help me learn to store it in the three cauldrons and channel it for use during magick. I will see if I get the sense that I have more control and amounts of the two powers to use in the working.

Integrity

2011-06-20T15:32:00.000-07:00

“Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.”

W. Clement Stone

Upon my desk is plaque that reads “There is no substitute for integrity. It will guide every journey to high places.” It was a gift from a couple for my birthday last year. They are no longer a couple however, it would seem one of them was not able to fully understand the message. Their behavior has seriously damaged their reputation in the pagan community and drastically altered how people behave toward them. They are no longer perceived as having integrity. Integrity is the most important of the virtues as a social function. It seems to me that people are often willing to forgive a lack or temporary lack of any of the other virtues. Not integrity though. One “slip” of integrity and you may be marked for years as not being honorable or trustworthy. People will shun the person perceived as lacking. I have seen it happen time and again.

ADF defines Integrity as "Honor; being trustworthy to oneself and to others, involving oath-keeping, honesty, fairness, respect, self-confidence." I find this to be an excellent definition. Integrity is Honor. There is a concept our culture has lost sight of in so many ways. Integrity is more than just keeping your word to others though. It is perhaps more importantly keeping trust with one’s self. Keeping oath’s not for outward appearances but for our self’s well being. Integrity is a key stone to true self-confidence. It forms a foundation upon which self-confidence can rest comfortably. Without that foundation then one’s self-confidence can be easily toppled and crushed. What the Chinese would call a “paper tiger”. It looks fierce but has no real substance. This country is full of them.

I find my integrity challenged almost daily; especially at my job. I work in a convalescent hospital, most of the patients are elderly with various stages of dementia. Sadly because we are asked to take care of so many patients we are sometimes forced to cut corners to keep on schedule. Little things, like not brushing their teeth before bed, or that they don’t get the option to shower ever day, but only once every three days; that they are being crammed three to a room that was designed to only hold two. We CNAs do the very best care we can, but it’s a constant balancing act between what we want and need to do vs. the amount of time we have before we have to go off shift. I find this a constant struggle as it is often tempting to cut more and more corners to save time, to make the job easier. We are often alone in the room with the patient, who would know? I would know, and doing the job knowing I didn’t do my best would undermine my self-confidence and self esteem. It would leave me feeling sick in my stomach.

As I was thinking about integrity, and wondering if I had it, I reached in my wallet and pulled out the money a friend gave me for the Druidpaloza camp out. It occurred to me that he never even blinked an eye at giving me the money. He trusted me completely knowing that I would do the right thing with the money. In that moment I realized that I did have integrity, and at least the people who trusted me with their money think so.

Summer solstice:the hight of power

2011-06-15T08:43:00.000-07:00

A summer! How I love the warmth; the constant sunny days. How I love the tick-tick-tick sound of the sprinklers in the evening, and the lazy drone of bee's. Granted the summers here can get pretty darn hot, I still love it.

Soon it will be the Summer Solstice, and with it a ritual that celebrates the sun at the height of it's power and also the loss of that power. Though we celebrate the longest day of the year, from that point on the nights grow longer.

The Welsh have the tradition of the twin brothers, the oak king and the holly king, who do battle at each of the solstices. At the summer solstice the Holly king challenges the Oak king and wins. At the winter solstice the oak king will challenge the holly king and the cycle continues. Desert sage protogrove will be sharing the summer solstice with the local eclectic pagan group. As part of our ritual we shall have a mock battle between the oak king and holly king. With this comes several lessons. First that the act of attaining the height of power also plants the seed for its demise or decline. All things have their natural waxing and waining. We should keep in mind if a spiritual being as powerful as the sun can't maintain the height of his power, how then can we expect ourselves to always be at the height of power? How can we expect nations or governments? The virtuous recognize this, and realize that to fight it is painful, costly, and ultimately futile. The virtuous also realize that which declines will also one day rise up again.

The solstices also teach us that there is a need for balance in nature and in our lives. The summer is a time of great activity. Whether we are living in the city or on the farm, we find our lives busy doing doing doing! This is as it should be. But come winter it will be time to rest. A time for stillness. So many people don't pace their lives this way however. They are busy in the summer, and just as busy in the winter. This is one of the great ways that we modern humans are so out of touch with natural rhythms of life.

I will step into ritual. I shall hail the sun and drink the mead, I shall pound my drum and watch the ritual battle that we all know can end in only one way. I shall smile and dance and rejoice; all the while I will remember the wheel of the year is turning, and the harvest is fast approaching.

Vision

2011-06-14T13:31:00.001-07:00

“Vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others.”
Jonathan Swift

Vision is one of the nine ADF virtues. It is defined as “The ability to broaden one's perspective to have a greater understanding of our place/role in the cosmos, relating to the past, present, and future.” I think that not many people would consider vision to be a virtue. I know I never certainly considered it one, even though I have it. The more I think about it though; I see what a blessing it is. Perhaps since it has always come easily to me that I have taken it for granted. It is especially important that ADF, as a relatively new religious organization, cultivate vision in its leaders so that we will have a direction in which to strive, a goal. No matter how much courage, perseverance ect. A person or group has, without vision they will not know where they are going or why. They will end up going in circles. With vision however, so much can be accomplished. It was vision that built the United States as a democratic state. It was vision that built the dolman and Stonehenge.

Vision isn’t just about seeing potential external things. It is also about seeing within oneself. To broaden one’s perspective about themselves is a very powerful thing. I was a massage therapist for so long; it was how I identified myself. When I had to close up my business and I lost that identity necessity forced me to broaden my view of myself. It was not an easy process, but in the end I have come to see that I am so much more then what I do for a living. Vision of ourselves is also about knowing our past, understanding our present, and creating our future. The choices we made in the past put us where we are now. Without vision we will not understand that simple truth, without vision we will not be able to take charge of our lives and make the decisions that will lead us to make our vision a reality. Vision is a virtue. It is vision that leads people to greatness. Whether that’s building a beautiful neo-pagan temple or getting clean and sober.

Desert sage protogrove: the beggining

2011-06-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

Myself and two other men in the area have decided to form an ADF protogrove. We have met together twice now, and we have decided to go with an Irish celt pantheon and hearth culture, and the name will be Desert Sage Protogrove. After much discussion and thought, we feel that this plant is the best Representative for the Ecology in which we live and practice our Druidry. The word sage also speaks to us of a person who is wise and kind, some thing the three of us are striving to become. Currently we are planning to do a summer solstice ritual for just the three of us, and a trip to San Diago with coast oak grove at the end of July.

Reaching the Mountain

2011-06-08T15:15:00.000-07:00

Years ago, when I was a boy on the thresh hold of man hood, I stood in a line of other men and woman, sweat dripping down my face, praying it wouldn't go into my eyes as wiping away the sting was NOT an option. My Dobahk clung to me soaked through with sweat and a little blood. My legs shaked with exhaustion, I felt nausea creeping up on me, though I hadn't eaten since early that morning. None of this really bothered me. Though I was facing ahead my attention was on the master who came down the line handing out the black belts we had just earned. He took his time, pleasantly smiling and congratulating those who passed. When it was my turn I'll never forget the words he said to me. After six years of hard work. Six years of sacrifice I was finally going to get my black belt. I felt on top of the world, and what did the master say to me? Why, he looked at me and said, "You have now made it to the base of the mountain, it's time to start to climb."

After the failure of my massage practice, I went back to school with the goal of getting into the nursing program. It has taken me two years, and I have had to over come so many obstacles. Money issues, angry and vengeful ex-wife, poor advice from counselors, not to mention the usual classes, and finally getting a full ride scholarship into the nursing program from a local hospital. Today was the last obstacle, I took and passed the entrance exam. It is official, I am in the nursing program. Once again, after years of struggle, I find myself at the foot of the mountain. I didn't get here alone. It has taken the support of my b'loved water witch, and more friends then I can name. I have a hard climb ahead of me, but I know with the help of my family, the kindreds and patrons, I will, in another two years be once again on top of the mountain and from the top I shall shout my victory cry! In the names' of Bridgit and Lugh, Let the climb begin!

Piety

2011-06-07T16:42:00.001-07:00

“Piety is not a goal but a means to attain through the purest peace of mind the highest culture.” Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
Asking around I have quickly come to realize that people have widely different ideas of what piety is or means. I also have discovered that within my local neo-pagan community the word piety has strong negative connotations. The word seems to be closely tied to Christianity in some way, and this I believe is the root of the bias. For a Neo-pagan a pious Christian is one to be disdained. This reaction caught me off guard as I never had the association. It seems to me that people are beginning to confuse piety with fanatical.

In ADF piety is defined as "Correct observance of ritual and social traditions, the maintenance of the agreements (both personal and societal) we humans have with the Gods and Spirits. Keeping the Old Ways, through ceremony and duty." What’s interesting about this definition is that it makes no comment about belief. What this is saying is that piety is not about what one believes but about meeting our ritual obligations. This harkens back to the idea that ADF is Orthopraxic and not Orthodoxic. Thus trying to define piety by what a person believes wouldn’t work in ADF. Despite this, I believe there is a likely intersection between belief, piety and piety as a virtue.

If being pious is about observing ritual and social traditions and the like, at what point do I take on the virtue or the label of “being pious”? Do I posses the virtue of piety after doing my first high day ritual? How about after eight of them? After three or nine years worth? At what point does one say “yes, I have the virtue of Piety.” What does it take for other neo-pagans to look at another neo-pagan and say “they are very pious.”? I don’t think there is a set answer to these questions, but I do believe that just doing one high day doesn’t make one pious. Piety comes with time. It take’s consistent practice of the high days of at least a few years. This is where belief fits in. Most people cannot, nor will not consistently meet the definition of Piety for years without belief to motivate them. Is it possible? Yes, but not very damn likely. Celebrating the high days takes time, energy, and resources. Only discipline motivated by belief will cause people the kind of consistency in the “correct observance of ritual” that is needed to attain the virtue of piety.

Is piety a virtue? I have turned this question over in my mind seeking an answer. After much thought and discussion with others, simply stated, yes it is a virtue. Piety however, is a virtue that relies upon many of the other nine virtues to maintain its virtuosity. Throughout history, there are many examples of piety “gone bad”: human sacrifice, slavery, subjugation of woman, the Crusades and Jihads, the inquisition, the naming of “heretics”, and self mutilation are just a few examples. Piety needs to be tempered with the virtues of wisdom, integrity, and moderation. Wisdom is important to know if what is needed to keep the oaths to the kindred is right. Integrity to show us the truth of whether or not our piety is virtuous or if it has “gone bad”. Perhaps most important to keeping Piety a virtue is moderation. Without it we can find our piousness taken to dangerous, maybe even deadly, extremes. Despite the dangers and all the examples of piety gone bad, I cannot help but to think of the person whose piety is moderated by the other virtues a very good trait to have and a person I would respect deeply.

Wisdom

2011-06-03T07:55:00.001-07:00

In ADF Wisdom is defined as "Good judgment, the ability to perceive people and situations correctly, deliberate about and decide on the correct response."
I like this definition. Wisdom and knowledge are not one in the same, though knowledge can be an aid to the virtue of wisdom.
Dictionary.com defines wisdom as “1.
The quality or state of being wise; knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action; sagacity, discernment, or insight.

Though both these definitions say it in different ways, they are saying the same thing. I feel these are both excellent definitions.

Wisdom is different than the kind of knowledge one can learn from a book. Wisdom takes in all the knowledge a person has and then ties all of that in with things we don’t even realize our brain registers: time of year, temperature, facial expressions; the list is endless. It all blends together as something we might call intuition. Then from that we come out with wisdom. Not everyone has it, some people seem to come by it naturally and others never seem to acquire it. My sister and I are good examples of what I mean. My sister is seven years old then myself. Growing up she made a lot of bad choices and thus made living at home rough at times. The fights between her and our parents were daily; at times waking me up from a sound sleep in the middle of the night. She often got caught, shop lifting, smoking, drinking, parties, sneaking out. The list goes on I am sure, yet despite getting caught she often repeated the behavior. Even back then I just couldn’t understand why she would make such unwise decisions. The correct course of action seemed so obvious to me. When I got to be a teenager, I never had problems with my parents. I never snuck out, drank, and smoked, ect. Why? It just didn’t make sense to do so. Not just because it was against the rules, but because these things are obviously unhealthy, or not wise things to do.

Even as an adult I find myself shaking my head at the antics of people around me and the amazing lack of wisdom they seem to have. The blindness of people doesn’t shock me as it once did, but it never seems to end, and thus I see the need for people of wisdom in the world.

I am lucky to call a very wise man a friend. Bill has spent many years not only studying wisdom texts but he lives them. Describing his wisdom is almost impossible.

He is the still pool deep in the forest
He is the ancient stone out cropping
He is the laughter of the cunning child
He is the way of cool
He is the watchful father of the child
He is the echo of one’s own wisdom
He is the sheltering oak in the back yard

I hope that someday I will be like him. I am not saying that I am without wisdom. I have often been told that I am, and I believe it to be true. However wisdom is like a tree, and it grows within us assuming we nurture it, as we have life experiences. Compared to Bill’s my tree is still young.

Wisdom is an excellent virtue. If everyone worked to nurture this virtue, to cultivate wisdom in their minds, then the world would be a much better place to live in my opinion. Perhaps that is one of the core problems in our modern American lives; we no longer value wisdom as a virtue like our ancestors did. If there was more wisdom in the world, perhaps then there would be less anger, resentment, aggression, and all the societal woes that follow.

Nature journal #4 : Iwihimnu

2011-05-22T07:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I and my step-daughter hiked two miles to the top of Iwihimnu. This is truly a place of power. At 8,000 feet it's the highest point around. The Chumash hold their summer solstice rituals on this spot and have for thousands of years. It occurred to me recently, if Po-sun-co-la is the main feminine nature spirit of this area, then Iwihimnu would be the primary masculine spirit. The local king and queen of the sidhe as it were. So while at the summit over looking the valley below I chanted the charm of seeking welcome and left offerings of water and incense. I drew on Ogham to see if it was accepted. I got Straif. Straif is "sulfur" and as this is a very arrid and rocky region I took this as a "yes". I noticed other people had left offerings as well. In the crevice of rock we found a Tibetan prayer flag. My daughter and I sat for a while just soaking in the sun and feel of the place. Later we went to another look out point and sat in the shade of a Jeffry pine and enjoyed a nice lunch. Then it was a hike back to the car and home.

Meditation journal entry #11

2011-05-18T12:21:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to do a full Core order of ritual with a gate opening, meditation, and then formal closing. What a difference the opening of a gate and offerings makes to the power of the meditation. I really felt the gate open and the shift in the flow of the energy in the room. I kept the offerings simple, just some stick incense for each of the kindred. I didn't invoke specific deities, spirits or dead. I just let come what may. After the gate was opened I did the charm of second sight from Ian's book. I didn't get a clear view of the energetics around me, but I did get an impression of the gate open over my alter. I could feel the energy flowing into it, like the softest of winds. It wasn't long before I felt pulled out of my body into the spirit world by none other then the morrigan. She had some things she needed to address. I won't share all of it, but one thing that really sticks with me is she led me to a battlefield. There I watched what can only be described as butchery. She asked me which army is "right"? Which one has the moral high ground. As I had no context for the battle, no reason for it, I could only tell her that I can't tell. Therein seemed to be the point of the exercise. Deciding what is "right" or "wrong" action requires knowing the context in which the action takes place. When I look at it, really look at it, I see that action itself is purely neutral, neither right nor wrong. If that's so, then what do we mean when we say we judge people by their actions and not their words?

It seems to me what we are really saying is we judge their actions within the context of the situation. Yet, how do we know we really understand the context? So much of what we think we understand, we don't. One crucial piece of missing info can totally shift your perception of ones response to a perceived situation. In the end we can never really know all the parts of a situation. We can only operate on a best guess basis.

It was also made clear to me that the reason the Morrigan is the queen of all things is because all things die, and she is the great devourer, she is also bearer of the ripe fruits of spring, and the scythe wielder in the harvest season.

Invitation to speak

2011-05-13T11:59:00.000-07:00

When some one asks you a question, assuming its not the rhetorical type, they are inviting you to speak. Whether we realize it or not they are handing you a small bit of power. What we do with that power is up to us. Will we waste it? Will we abuse it? Will we make the most of that power? Will we refuse the chance at power and chose not to speak? If we do choose to speak, what do we say? How do we know what the right thing to say is? To often we forget that words do have power. Don't believe me? If words don't have power, then why do we use them in magick/prayer/ritual? If words do not have power, then how is it that they move us emotionally? I know I know, "sticks and stones.." blah blah blah. The fact is, words can hurt, and they can heal. Words have power. I have been asked to speak at Fresno's pagan pride day. I have accepted the invitation to speak. What words will I chose? How will I make use of the power that has been given me?

Meditation journal; entry 10?

2011-05-11T15:51:00.000-07:00

So I was doing my daily devotionals a little bit ago, followed by the two powers meditation. My work as a CNA really tires me out, especially the end of day 3. The two powers meditation helps to restore those energy levels. I realized however that when I inhale the energy flows in, and when I exhale that same energy was flowing back out again. Though it helped me feel connected to the universe, my total net gain of energy was 0, zilch, nada! This should have been a no brainer to me long ago. I have done many such energy meditations in the past and always to keep the energy[ one must consciously hold onto it with the will to prevent it from flowing out when a person exhales. So I did...and I felt my energy levels build and build and build and build until I felt I couldn't take any more. Then when I ended the rite, I let all that energy flow out of me with the intent that it was an offering to Brigid in thanks for the good day I had at work. Hope she liked it! ;)

Lunch with the Sidhe: seeking welcome from Po-sun-co-la

2011-05-06T21:33:00.000-07:00

I sat looking at the text message. My b'loved wasn't coming home for lunch, but instead was going to go eat with her friend from work. For a moment I felt abandoned and alone, only to have the thought and feeling quickly chased away by the idea that when I am in nature, I am never alone, that when I am in nature, I am surrounded by the land spirits. It then followed that I would have my lunch with them. I made up a roast beef sandwich, threw in an apple, a banana, and grabbed up the acorn pastries and honey a friend made and gave me on Beltaine.

I drove to a county park along Po-sun-co-la, the river that is the life of the land here. In my explorations of Irish myth and legend, one quickly realizes that many of the rivers share names with many of the goddesses. The Danube and the Boine come to mind off the top of my head. Living here in what is a very arid region, I can really understand on a visceral level the connection. The river here really is the source of all life...in this valley. Po-sun-co-la once was mighty. She came roaring out of the cannon and onto the flats helping to create the largest wetlands in the continental U.S. That is until the white man settled the region, massacring the local native Americans in the take over. Soon all the water was siphoned off to support agriculture. It is the same today. The marsh long dried up, and turned to farming, now the areas largest export. Water is so precious here many a man has lost his life in his attempts to get more of it then the next farm down river.

These days, the river is dammed, and it's flow controlled to prevent flooding. The river spirit is angry, and with good reason. Why do I think the river is angry? Because every year she kills several people who swim in her. Some who drown do so in places that seem perfectly safe for swimming. One story I know well involved a man, his wife, and one of his children. The child suddenly began to drown. The wife responded first, perhaps she was closest, and tried to rescue the child, the husband and father close behind her. In a matter of seconds the man found himself in a situation where he had to choose...save his now drowning wife, or his child....
He made his choice. The river took the other. Summer is coming and once again the heat will push people to her shore, and again she will take several of them. She is known as a killer, yet people still come. My wife and I feel she takes these lives out of anger. Po-sun-co-la is angry that she is bleed off and not allowed to flow. She feeds the valley farms and thus the world, but trash is dumped into her daily. I'd be angry too. It is this spirit with which I choose to have lunch with and seek a welcome.

I walked to the bank and found a quiet spot in the shade of a tree that will put me very close to the lapping edge of the water. The snow melt in the hills had the river running high and fast. I sat down and quietly had my lunch observing the sidhe around me. Tree, fox tail, dragonfly, duck, gnat but most of all Po-sun-co-la. I ate a few of the Acorn treats. When there were three left, I dipped them in honey and invoked the ADF druid charm of welcome. I offered the cakes and honey to Po-sun-co-la and the last of my water. I then drew Ogham to determine of my offering was accepted. I pulled the few Saille. The tree associated with this few is the willow, and I took this for a good omen. For willows grow best next to a water source such at Po-sun-co-la. It is a few that is about water and "going with the flow".

I plan to continue such work with Po-sun-co-la. I hope that when I am ready to summon the sidhe to my own fire, and make pacts, that Po-sun-co-la will show herself to me. I hope to help soften her anger so that she won't take so many lives in the years to come. I hope to make a partnership with her as well.

what was that about.....

2011-05-03T12:32:00.000-07:00

Last night at around 2:30 am, I was suddenly awoken by a crashing noise coming from our living room. I got up, shillelagh in hand, and investigated the racket. A picture of my step daughter had fallen from the mantle taking a metal cut out of fir trees that were also there as direction with it. Yet strangly not hitting a closer and much larger fairy statue. The picture was not simply at the foot of the mantle, but several feet away as if tossed. I could find no simple reason why this should happen. After searching the house I and my wife went back to bed. Instead of going back to sleep I went into a shamanic trance and explored my home as spirit. In the living room I saw a large whitish spirit in the shape of smoke. I was able to chase it off. Today I have done a minor banishment with sacred water and fire.

ADF Beltane 2011

2011-05-02T12:48:00.000-07:00

I was part of two beltaine rituals this year though for now I am only going to discuss the ADF style ritual I lead. The first one was one that I wrote and with the aid of several other new ADF druids (collect one more and I get a toaster) and some fellow neo-pagans, performed a public ritual in the back yard of the local occult shop. The outline for the ritual was as such:

I. Set up
a. Tree
b. Well
c. Fire
d. Table and flags
II. Opening
a. Processional Into grove
i. Sing “we approach the sacred grove”
b. Welcome speech and why we have come by Derek
c. Hallowing the fire/well/tree
i. Julie hallows the fire-smudges Circle
ii. Tiffany Hallows the well, aspirges circle
iii. Brandon hallows the world tree and smudges and asperges it.
iv. Derek claims the space as whole and holy
d. Opening the Gate
i. Derek opens the gate while people chant “let the gates be open”
ii. Jake the red invokes the kindred, Derek gives offerings
iii. Sing “gods, dead, and mighty sidhe”
III. Ritual Body
a. Bannock bread and Beer offering
i. Explanation
ii. Mark the bread and cut and turning
iii. Hand out pieces of bread
iv. Marked one is chosen; Tiff, Julie, Brandon tie on ribbons, Derek explains what is to be done.
v. Derek says “May the Blessing of the ancients, spirits, and gods go with you.” Everyone then touches the marked one and says “may the blessing of the kindred and our blessings go with you.”
vi. The marked one goes to the gate and says “To those beyond the boarder whether gods or goddesses
Whether spirits or dead
To those who were before us
And dwell in the darkness of our world’s shadow:
I come to you with offering
To buy from you a world.”
vii. Marked one leaves circle and gives offering, then returns. Derek smudges and aspergis the marked one and welcomes him back to the circle
b. Rite of Blessing
i. People bring offerings to the marked one.
ii. Marked one places offerings on fire
iii. Derek calls for the blessing of the gods
iv. Tribe sings “offering song”
v. Jake divines the nature of the blessings
vi. Derek Invokes the blessings into the Hirlas horn
vii. Derek takes the horn around the circle while Jake leads the tribe in “power of the spirits”
c. Guided meditation for Beltaine
i. With the blessings of the gods flowing through them, Derek leads the tribe through a variation of the two powers meditation.
IV. Closing the ritual
a. Thanking the kindreds-final offering
b. Closing the gate
c. Thanking the tribe
d. Sing “walk with wisdom” for recessional
e. End.

After the ritual we had conversation and h`ordurves. I received lots of compliments on the ritual and it’s working. Everything ran smoothly. I didn’t forget the drink for taking in the blessings in the fridge like I did at Imbolc. I didn’t forget any of my words or any such. Incorporating that which I learned at Pantheacon I brought the element of music and singing into ritual. I worked hard to memorize the songs and tunes and did a good job of it. I tried to get a few others to do so as well so that when we sang there would be a number of us whom the other participants could follow. This didn’t work out as well as I would have liked as the other members really didn’t make the time to truly learn the music. None of us, except my wife who didn’t learn the music, is really any good at singing anyway. Still we muddled through and no one gave me any negative feedback about the singing. There were three children who joined us for the first time in a pagan ritual. I enjoyed the energy they brought to the event. We also had two other new people who came simply to watch the event, I was told for a religious studies class. They did participate in all ways except for the drinking in the blessings. There were two teenagers and their father as well. For the teenagers it was their first pagan ritual. The young man did not use enough care when drinking from the hirlas and ended up wearing a bit of the blessed drink! He took it in good humor though.

During the part of the ritual where we gave offering to the outsiders, we choose to use the spiral labyrinth at the center of which to leave the offerings. I had every one turn their backs to the person walking the labyrinth. This took some time and at one point some on asked “what’s taking so long? Did they take her?” This made me smile, if only I had told them that it’s possible that the marked one would have been killed as part of the offering. Instead we tied red ribbons around the marked one’s neck and wrists. It added a powerful visual “punch” to the whole thing. An older pagan-witch who is going through some tough times due to poor decisions she made a while back shed some tears upon my shoulder as we sang the recessional song “walk with wisdom”. I believe the ritual touched her in ways none of us could really understand.

What would I do differently?
Next year I don’t think I’ll do the offering to the outsiders in the formal way we did this year. Not that it didn’t work. It came off great, just that to me it puts a dark cloud over a festive sabbot that I feel is about love and life and joy. I also miss the stories I used to tell in ritual about gods, spirits, and mighty dead. I would like to re-introduce that element into it.
All in all it was an excellent and smooth running ritual.

Nature space journal #2

2011-04-27T20:34:00.000-07:00

I got out to my nature space today. I could tell right off that the river was much higher then before. The snow must be melting off in the distant mountains. As I walked along the path a flash of color caught my eye, and I looked up to see the first Western Oriole of the year. I stood for a while and listened to it's beautiful song. When the performance was over I walked on. Getting to my usual sitting spot I found it over flowing with water from the swollen river. I decided to walk a little farther and find a new spot. I saw an old fallen tree with a new tree growing over the bones of it's brother providing shade and I felt it would be nice, though there was not much of a view from the high growing underbrush.

I ducked off the path and took a seat in the mini-grove. I was soon rewarded with the appearance of three very small birds on a nearby branch and a shower of Cotton wood cotton that floated all around us like little miniature fairies. The birds twilled for a short while and then moved on. I thought of the dead mouse I found on the path. It was uneaten, another victim of the well fed Ferrel cat population I deduced. I like cats as much as the next person, but I really dislike Farrel cats, and I believe they should be destroyed, and most certainly not fed and allowed to thrive. They are killing machines, and do unmeasurable damage to native species. Even if you feed them, they still kill. You can take away it's hunger, but not it's impulse to kill.

I took three sticks of incense from my crane bag, lit them, and gently placed them in the sandy soil. I offered them as a gift to the nature spirits. I watched rabbits, and lizards. I saw ants busily doing what ants do. I heard a red tailed hawk in the distance. I felt the nature spirits all around. It was wonderful. The wind tickled my face and teased my long hair. As the incense burned to the sand I heard an unusual peep, and peeked through the underbrush. I was rewarded with a visit from a family of quail. I smiled and wished them well and told the to be wary of the cats. Farrel cats are hell on quail. As I got up to head back I heard the hawk cry out again. I know he's looking for a nice rabbit, but maybe he'll find Farrel cat on the menu. Yeah, I'd be ok with that.

Finding my ancestors, finding myself

2011-04-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

Who are my ancestors? This is a question I have struggled with on and off for such a long time, and in all honesty I suspect it will be one that I will continue to struggle with for years to come, though recently through ADF things have gotten significantly better.

I grew up in a small town in Oregon with my mother and father and one sister, and that’s it. No aunts or uncles, no cousins, no grandparents to speak of. See my parents were originally from Wisconsin and that is where my extended family still lived. What’s more, my parents did nothing to gap the distance other then the occasional phone call on a holiday. As a child I never thought to question it. As a young adult I began to feel the absence, and now that I am beginning my mid life I think I understand the reasons behind it. My father did not have a good relationship with his father. I think my father thought to protect my sister and I by keeping a distance between his children and his father. Nor do I think my father was close to his siblings. Thus I can count the number of times I have met my aunt and uncle and cousins on one hand. Nor does my father speak of his childhood much and not at all of his extended family. As for my mother’s side, well I suspect much of the same, though she has told me a few more stories then my father. Still I have no faces to put to the stories, nor much of a context for them. For many years I have pondered who my family line is, how I got this last name. Not much in the way of answers has been forth coming. Thus when it comes to honoring the ancestors of my blood, I always feel a disconnect. I feel at a loss compared to the connection my wife seems to have. I do honor them though, the best way I can. Since becoming a druid I have in fact called on one blood ancestor for help with my schooling. Great Grandpa McFarland. I am told he was a pharmacist on my mother’s side of the family. I knew I was going to have trouble understanding Chemistry. I feel that he did help me, and I finished the class with an A…barely, but still an A.

Since joining ADF my definition of ancestor has grown. Now I have other ancestors to honor. Ancestors whom I actually know and can call upon, tell stories about and honor. Hart-kin. Those whom we love but may not be blood. Hearth-kin, those to whom I share a spiritual path and connection. These two things have really helped me get a better sense of where I come from, who I am, my place in this world, and what I am doing here. I honor my hearth-kin and have felt them answer. Most my heart-kin are still living, but one in particular has died, and have honored him ever Samhain ever since. I have been honoring my heath-kin as well. This past Samhain, though I never met him, I publicly honored Boneawits. I have read one of his books, and I carry forward his teachings and beliefs by being a member of ADF.

Thus has ADF helped me find a better more fulfilling relationship with my ancestors.

messenger...but didn't catch the message

2011-04-26T14:43:00.000-07:00

I had a new and interesting experience last night. I was having a dream, I can't remember it, but I remember thinking that it was the spirit of a once living person, though I don't recall ever knowing them, trying to give me a message. At the time I got the message, but then woke with a start in time to see the bed room door swing open a bit then shut. Not all the way shut, and it wasn't shut tight to start with. However in the year and a half I have been living here I have never seen the bedroom door do that. I believe it was the spirit leaving. I then fell back to sleep. Sadly, when I woke up for good, I remember the incident but no clue as to the message. I should have written it down.

On another note, I have been studying my Ogham and I am starting to get a better feel for it. However the last two three Ogham readings I have done have been difficult to interpret.

update...

2011-04-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

I have not heard from the other long term care facility that I applied at as of yet. I'll give them another week. I did follow up with a phone call. I have had an easier time of late at the place I am currently working, because I am getting to do one-on-one care for a resident. This is very easy, and enjoyable. Though last night I was forced to use pillow covers to do perineal care with since the facility ran out of both wash cloths AND towels. yeah that bad.

new developments in the nursing arena

2011-04-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

A few days have passed since my last post. A few things have changed, both internally and externally. Internally, I have had a shift. I have come to realize that some times excellence and perfection are NOT the same thing. I can give excellent care at my current place of employment without giving perfect care. The reality is that I will never be able to give the quality of care I want to each person. One idea my b'loved water witch shared with me is to rotate who gets the best care I can if I don't have time to give it to them all. I have also had a change in mindset when it comes to being on the clock. I am used to being self employed. It has taken some time to realize that showing up to work 1/2 hour early doesn't really work to my benefit since I don't get paid for it.

As for the poor managment. Well, I can't change that. I can only try and be like water and flow with the tides. I have accepted that so long as I work at this place its going to be a constant annoyance. However, I don't plan to work their long. I haven't heard from the other long term care facility where I turned in a Resume. I do have good news though. I got word from the College that the denial letters for the nursing program went out a week ago...and I haven't gotten one yet! It's still not a certainty, but yes I do have my hopes up!

Flaming bag of dog pooh!

2011-04-14T09:57:00.001-07:00

"What the hell have I just stepped in?!" Thi is what I am asking myself as of this week. I am miserable at this new job, and it's not the work, it's the place. It has taken me a few days to figure this out. For a while I wasn't sure if my growing disdain for going to work, the kind that causes my guts to twist up when I start getting ready, was from the work or the place. I now have total clearity on that. I did not want to work nor need to work full time at this place. Yet here I am working full time without the benefits. CNA's and other support staff are quiting. The state and fedral assessors are coming in again because the building failed its survay earlier this year. First they don't call me in to work when I was avialable making others work double shifts and now they try to schedual me on my days off without a word to me or bothering to ask. I only found out because another co-worker mentioned that I was on the schedual for my day off a few minuiets before I clocked off and went home. I was pissed. I left messages and NO I didn't work. I am here writing this blog. =>

I love taking care of people, especially the elderly. I find joy in making thier beds, giving them showers, helping them eat, even the butt wiping doesn't bother me. What bothers me is this: The company won't or can't put enough CNA's on a shift so that we can give complete care at the residents pace. Let me try and break this down further. I was given the care of 10 residents, 8 of those were what we call "total care" that means they can't do anything for themselves. Not eating, dressing, moving, toileting, getting out of a chair to the bed...nothing. Of those 8 total care 7 of them were in advanced stages of dementia. This means they never remmber me, where they are or what I am doing. They fight the care I am trying to give them because they can no longer understand. Some times I have to get help just to have some one hold their hands so I can get a new brief (diaper) on them. Because of the schedual I have to get them all ready for bed in 2 1/2 hours. OH and then I get to chart about the days activities. There were 4 other CNA's shift last night, their loads were not better, some maybe worse. If I were to give all 10 residents an equal amount of time, I have 13minuetes and 80 secends per resident to get ready for bed. How long does it take you to get ready for bed? Oh sure you can probably do it in that time, I can too, but do you? How long would you take if you are old and sore, sickly and don't move fast? Now imagine you can't go to the bathroom on your own and have to have some one do that for you as well as pick clothes, put clothes away etc. Thirteen minuetes isn't near long enough. Thus with no other option we cut corners. No one gets thier teeth brushed at night, probably not during the day either. No one gets to wash thier face or hands (unless they were digging in their pooh.) Some of the residents require mechanical lifts to get into and out of bed. Great, takes longer. Even longer when the damn things don't work right.

So my frustration is that there are to many residents and not enough CNA's to be able to give the care these folk deserve. Every day I leave feeling drained, exhausted because I have busted my ass, and yet I feel a failure. Add on top of that a D.S.D who is imcompitent and administration that only wants to make as much profit as possible by keeping employees over worked and residents with the bare minnimum care.

So what does all this have to do with spiritiuality? I have done a lot of meditation, today I go clear that it wasn't the care giving I didn't like. I love it. It brings joy to my heart...when I can do it RIGHT. It's the conditions I am being forced to work under. I prayed to Bridgit. I asked her to help me find some where else. Somewhere I am supported to do real care that meets my standards. Within a few minuetes I got a text from my wife who had a lead on another facility, closer to home, that is looking for CNA's. I am going to go check it out and pick up an application.

the time of Bel; Beltainne 2011

2011-04-12T12:02:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe that Beltainne is closing upon me once again. It seem just like a few weeks ago I celebrated last years Beltainne. Beltainne is one of my most favorite of the Sabbots. I have always thought that the word "Beltainne" translates best as "The fire of Bel", Bel being the sun god. It is fitting to honor this god at this time of the year as this is when he really seems to step up into his power and sends his life giving forces to the great mother Danu to make life spring forth. I bet it was easy for ancients to get into a celebratory mood this time of year. The days are warm and comfortable again, wild game and edibles are everywhere, so food is plentiful. There would be much to enjoy. I too find it easy to get into a celebratory mood for this sabbat. A time to rejoice in life. To let the hair down and sing a bawdy song! Time to drink mead in a glass from between the breasts! To me Beltainne is about loving life and living that. It's about drinking from the well of the five senses. Not a sip, not a cup, but to plunge one's head deep and drink deep. It's the sabbot of new life!

Growing up we didn't have a celebration at this time of year, so I don't have any traditions that I will carry over from my childhood. There are plenty of others in folklore that we can draw from however. Mostly I just like to have a feast with friends, music, drumming circle, and a fire. I don't drink as a rule except from a horn on occasion during ritual. This beltaine I think I'll have some mead and a few sips of the kitchen witches home brewed cordial. I now many people have sex on Beltaine, and I would be one of them for sure, though last year my b'loved and I hosted the celebration at our home (and again this year), and people didn't leave till 1:30am and we were too tired! After sleeping though, there was much love to be had late the next morning!

The may pole is another common tradition of this time of year that stretches back to the days of our ancestors, though it's exact history has been lost in time as well as it's original meanings, it has, it seems taken on the meaning of a phallic symbol and a fertility celebration.
Flowers bursting, grass deep greening,
river bulging, bee buzzing
fruit tree ripening,
I know the time of Beltaine!

new leaves crowning, air pollen scented,
Ewes lambing, cattle calving
all things sun kissed once again,
I know the time of Beltaine!

Mead drinking, warmth making,
feast eating, may pole circling,
late night love making,
I know the time of Beltaine!

Beltaine is about celebrating life in it's glory. What ever that means to each individual. Some might like to hike, or camp, others might be a small dinner with a few friends, or if your like me it means inviting LOTS of people over, having a ritual, a huge feast, drinking, drumming, dancing and love making.

Meditation journal #9

2011-04-11T11:01:00.000-07:00

never, ever try and meditate after ingesting a lot of caffine. Not a good time. Mostly a waist of time. I woke up the other morning with a Migrain coming on. I took some Excedrine Migrain medicine that is loaded with caffine. For many people I suppose they wouldn't notice as thier body is allready used to high doses of caffine. I, however, tend to avoid caffine in my diet so when I do get a high dose it really get all twittery, jumpy, and all around restless. Trying to meditate under these conditions was to much for me, and I cut it short.

Aside from the above, my meditations continue with regularity. I have done the earth mother working only twice so far. I had intended to do it more. Certain realities of my new work as a CNA in a long term care facility have hit home, and have me feeling down and I strugle with the quality of care I want to give vs. the quality of care I am able to give due to being forced to care for to many residents. I am hoping that meditation will help me cope with this stressor.

A staff for Daisy-moon

2011-04-01T12:51:00.000-07:00

This staff was made for a High-preistess friend of mine for her birthday.

Perserverance

2011-04-01T12:00:00.000-07:00

Dictionary.com defines Perseverance as:–noun
1. steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

This matches very closely with the ADF definition which is:
Drive, the motivation to pursue goals, even when that pursuit becomes difficult.

Perseverance is a most excellent virtue. A virtue that any one can chose to develop. There are many examples of perseverance in our lives. Just think of the people around you and in your life, which of them is displaying perseverance? Who isn't? Perseverance is simply about not giving up. Some times it's about reaching a lofty goal like "enlightenment", other times it about getting out of bed in the morning.

Perseverance, however, is blind. It needs to be tempered with vision and wisdom. With out vision and wisdom to temper perseverance and give it direction a person will quickly find themselves persevering in a way that is harmful for themselves or others. An example is the workout addict, who, despite his body breaking down, persists in exercising to the point of self harm. Men who bike so much to the point of infertility from the bike seat, to woman who stop menstruation due to a lack of body fat. Yet it may be these same people who need this kind of perseverance to finish first.

I have displayed perseverance and wisdom recently in my job. In the last 48 hours I have logged 24 hours of work with only 5 hours of sleep. As I was starting my double shift yesterday, the scheduler asked me if I wanted to work another double shift today. I told her no. To have said yes would have been harmful to my body, and relationships. I was already pushing my thresh hold as it was. I put in a 16 hour day with only two 30 minuet breaks. I persevered. I had not seen my step-daughter in 24 hours, and barely gotten to speak with my wife. Perseverance is one thing, but all things must have balance. No amount of money would be worth the damage both physically and relationship wise that it would have incurred to work another double.

I think one the greatest acts of perseverance I have ever learned about is the story of Aron Lee Ralston. While climbing and bouldering, he got his arm trapped by a boulder. Though he made a gross error by not telling any one where he was, he persevered. After 5 days trapped and dehydrated, he cut off his arm with a dull pocket knife, and hiked to safety. Perseverance and pure intestinal fortitude saved his life, where many others would have simply given up and died.

Perseverance is a powerful virtue to have. It can be used daily, in real life. Yet at the same time it is the virtue of "last resort". When all else has fled, wisdom, courage, vision, hospitality, ect., when all else goes wrong and things are "FUBAR" it is perseverance that will get a person through it and back to a better place.

The history and making of the staghorn amulet

2011-03-30T11:57:00.000-07:00

The story of this amulet starts many years ago, back in 2002, before I was even a pagan. I was living with my now ex-wife in Oregon. In 2001 I had taken up bow hunting, and after a year of practice I felt ready to try and take my first deer. I had been watching an alfalfa field for many weeks that year. I had gotten to know each deer, I even know in what order they would appear from the forest into the field in the morning. I had set up my blind at the edge of the field and I waited. Just as I had come to expect they appeared and by 10:30 AM I had arrowed on old white muzzled buck from 30 yards. He didn't make it 80 yards and the kill was as quick and clean as any could hope for. Now, I am no trophy hunter. Never have been, never will be. This deer was processed to the full extent of my skill and kept my family fed for many meals. Years later I divorced my wife, became pagan, and moved to central Cal. I was rummaging through some things a few years later and found the only thing I had left from that old deer, a tip of his antler that I had saved back then for some unknown reason. When I found it again I saw the perfect amulet for me. Having learned the principles of scrimshaw, I carved in the antler 4 runes. Power, victory, protection and the like. I then used paint to fill in the carving with black, and wiped off the excess. I then used a clear sealant to keep it from wearing away. With a hole drilled through it and placed on a leather thong with some other wooden beads the amulets physical construction was complete.

One of the reasons that this antler was so fitting for me as an amulet, besides that it came from a deer I killed myself, but that at this time the spirit of the stag had become a spirit guide to me (on a side note, I have never killed a deer since finding stag as a spirit guide, not that I haven't tried. ;)). I then did some magic on the amulet and put it on. I had worn it for about two years without taking it off till recently. I had to take it off during my training as a CNA. When working with people suffering from Dementia, some of them have a tendency to grab things, and they can be very strong. Here is how I plan to re-enchant it:

I will set up my three hallows in my Nemeton. I will set up a table on which I will have my offerings to the kindreds, tools I might need in the rite, such as a wand, divination tools, in this case my Ogham, the amulet to be blessed, and a chalice.

When all is in readiness I begin with the two powers mediation. This helps balance me and gets my energies flowing. When I am ready I begin with my opening prayers. Some thing along the lines of "A child of the earth has come to honor the powers, and work the ways of the druids. I am come to the fire and well to make an amulet of power and protection that is active when ever the loop of the clasp is completed."

I will then bless the fire, well, and sacred tree. I will cleanse the sacred space with water and fire. I will make offering to the earth mother. Then I will open the gate between this world and the spirit world. I will then invite the mighty dead, land spirits, and gods to my fire, making good offerings to each group. In that processes I will make it known my intention to create an amulet and ask for their aid in doing so. Some thing like "Oh ancient ancestors, remember me as I remember you. Grandfathers! Grandmothers! I have not forgotten you. Lend me your wisdom. All you mighty dead, I honor you with this sacrifice. Lend your power to the creation of this amulet. Through it may you empower and protect, may all all harm, mundane or magickal, by land, sea or sky, be turned away."
I will use similar invocations to the land spirits and Gods, with special focus on calling to my spirit guide the stag and Lugh my patron deity.

Once offerings are done, I'd do an take an omen to be sure that they are pleased with the offerings and the working and that I have in fact their aid in the working. If it is positive, I then will place the amulet in the chalice and ask them to "pour" their blessings into it and into the the amulet. At this point I go by feel. When I feel the blessings are done, I place the chalice between the well, fire, and tree. I then draw the two powers into me and then project it into the cup with the amulet to empower it further. I keep the intention of what I want the amulet to do firmly in my mind. When I have done all I can without loosing my focus, I pick up the amulet gently tap it and say "awaken unto life!". I then put the amulet on. Thus the working is done, and I close in the usual way.

So there you have it. This is how I will re-enchant the amulet that has come to mean so much to me. I hated having to break it in the first place, but some times we have to make sacrifices for our greater gain. One other thing about this amulet I find interesting, is that in all the years that I wore it, no one has ever asked about it. Not a word. It was almost as if they never saw it.
I hope to perform the working this weekend.

150th post and a new look!

2011-03-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

THIS IS MY 150TH POST! I can hardly believe it. I started this Blog on the recommendation of my good friend Frater Robert. I had no idea how much I was going to enjoy it and how nice it is to share my inner experiences with a larger community. Along with reaching 150 posts I have spruced up my page and given it a new look. One that I really like and find pleasing to the eye. I hope you all enjoy it as well. For those who read my blog, feel free comment on Posts. I always welcome input.

I also want to share some recent manifestations of magic in my life. First off I want to mention that I am doing much better financially then I have in a long long time. I can't remember if I blogged about it or not, if I did it would have been a long time ago, but I cast a spell to protect my finances. That spell has held true for a long time. Recently I won a financial battle against my ex-wife, when she tried to claim both children as tax deductions for last year and screw me out of $3,000. The spell has worked in other ways as well, keeping us from being the victims of identity theft and fraud.

I have started working as a CNA at a long term care facility. This has been a combination of hard work on my part and the blessings of the gods since I started practicing ADF and the aid of my Spirit ally. I should be getting my first paycheck from this new job on Friday. HUZZAH!

I have some upcoming magickal works for readers to look forward to reading about. I had a amulet that was permanently tied around my neck for a couple years. Because of the requirements of the new job, I had to break it to take it off when working. I have rebuilt it with a clasp so that I can remove it when I go to work. However, I feel the magick was broken and have decided that I must re-enchant it. I thought I would post the spell here. Also, I have been asked to summon a spirit guide for a friend. My guides have shared with me how this is to be done. I will nick name my friend the fire-witch. When the fire-witch and I can both find a time, we'll do that working.

I haven't talked about it much on here, but I also make beautiful magic staffs for friends and for sale at the local occult shop. I am currently building one as a late birthday present for a local coven leader, daisy-moon. I think I'll start posting pictures of the staffs I make on here.

As you can see there is a lot to read about and look forward to. I will of course continue my postings about my own spiritual journey and discoveries. I will finish this post by saying thanks to Robert who got me started and continues to support me. To my be'loved mermaid who makes me the luckiest man alive, who helps with my spelling, and tries to keep me from saying things I shouldn't, and last but not least to all my readers. Thank you all, here's to more good times in the coming years!

Meditation journal 8: Visions of the Earth Mother

2011-03-29T13:31:00.000-07:00

As I have come to know the Two powers meditation so well, I decided it was time to try some thing new. I took a visionary exercises from Ian Corrigan's book Draiocht, and did the Earth Mother vision. I spent some time becoming familiar with the working. It involved visionary work and the giving of an offering. I chose to try this working by doing a formal ritual and opening the gate to facilitate the work. I did so, and the vision came to me quickly and very vividly. I saw the earth mother. Large like a hill, but from a distance through the open gate. I explored the image in my mind for some time, then gave the offerings. I finished the visionary exercises as described. The only way I can describe the sensation I had from it as "The world is in me and I am in the world, the spirit in me is the spirit in the world."

I found myself pulled into a spirit-walk when I was done with the visionary work. The transition felt jerky and caught me off guard as it was sudden. Like being sucked into the gate and dropped through the sky. I came to a grove of ancient trees that I know well. There I often find a teacher, and sure enough there he was. He asked me why I had come. I really wasn't sure why I had come, but then decided to ask him how to handle a situation that had come up at work. I was advised to let my anger and frustration go, and to talk to the person calmly, but to let them know how I felt about what they did. I did as he instructed, but sadly I don't think the person really understood what I was trying to explain to them. Some people just refuse to see the truth to their choices.

A little Ostara: the planting of a seed

2011-03-28T10:54:00.000-07:00

As I was not going to be able to attend the Kern County Pagan Circle's Ostara celebration this year because I was going to be out of town, I decided to hold a small Spring Equinox ritual with a couple other druids I knew. I had wanted to do the ritual outside as usual, however this time the weather did not cooperate and I was forced indoors by the heavy winds and light rain. Luckily I have a very large living room and only a few people coming over so I knew it would be just fine. I pulled out the folding card table, and threw a white alter cloth over it. Upon the alter I placed my bell, the symbolic world tree, a well, and a fire of candles. I added a charcoal disk for offerings of incense, and a bowl for other types of offerings. I spent a few days pondering over what type of ritual to perform. I looked over the ADF site liturgists year books, but didn't find any that spoke to me for the Spring Equinox. I decided to go with the basic blessing rite. I also felt that this was a good choice as I was having over two other people who were very new to ADF. The ritual went very well. I kept it simple as there was only three of us, and I chose not to wear my usual robes for this one. I made this decision because the other two didn't have any robes and my intuition said that if I were to robe up it would make them uncomfortable in such a small and intimate ritual.

I followed the ADF COoR. Offerings were given. Omen's taken. I used Ogham for the Omens. Two of them I knew, one I had to look up (hate having to do that during a ritual). The omens were all good. I then took up the chalice and asked for the blessings of the kindred. We took turns drinking it in.

After the ritual we spent a couple hours discussing the possibility of starting our own grove. I gave the other two some ideas to think over. My fellows departed with smiles and promise we would get together again soon to discuss further the idea of starting a grove. The only thing I can think of that did not go well for the ritual was my not being familiar enough with the Ogham and having to look up it's meaning. This really throws off the timing and flow of the ritual. I will continue my studies of the Ogham. Every thing else went right. I didn't have to read any parts of the ritual and the words flowed from me with strength and confidence.

In the end I feel that the best thing to come from the ritual was the plans to form a grove and what seems like an auspicious beginning. I am excited about the prospect of having a group of dedicated druids with which to do druid rituals. I don't mind writing and doing rituals for an eclectic group and we have a lot of fun, but some times doing things just with others who are on the same path has this special energy you can't get otherwise.

Spring Equinox; of birth and balance

2011-03-25T12:48:00.000-07:00

If Imbolc is the conception of spring, then the spring Equinox, Ostara to some, and Alban Eilir in the welsh traditions, is its birth into the world. Flowers explode onto the scene, birds nest and lay eggs. Many migratory birds begin to return to nesting grounds and those nature spirits that hibernate through the cold months once again re-emerge to the warming sun. People spend less time indoors and more time outside. It is like a giant spiritual breath of fresh air as one steps outside from being in a stuffy house for too long!

In the past spring equinox has held a lot of excitement for me. It comes about the time that the male wild turkey begins his gobbling for the mating season, and that meant turkey hunting! Since I moved south though, and there are no wild turkeys in this area, spring equinox means cool nights and pleasent days. It means the explosion of poppies and green grass when usually there is none. It's a brief explosion of colors in the normally brown arid land. Its mornings filled with the soft cooing of fan-tailed doves as they do thier best to attract a mate.

It seems that Ostara was primarily celebrated by the Germanic tribes, and the traditions that we associate with it come from them as well. With Irish-celt as my hearth culture from which I draw this leaves me at a bit of a loss as to how to celebrate this high day. I did some research and after much thought, I have decided to simlpy adopt the germanic traditions into my Neo-pagan practice of the Irish Hearth cutlure. There is plenty of evidence of cultural interactions between the two tribes and good reason to assume that if not for the coming of Christianity that their would have been a complete melding of the high-days and their traditions.

Growing up, this time of year was celebrated with the usual Easter type celebrations that we are familier with. Church, easter basket hunting, egg hunting, and a feast with family friends. Many of these traditions have deep pagan roots, and I intend to teach them to my children and keep them going. Coloring of the eggs and making gifts of them for friends. I will teach them to bless the seed and the land for new growth for the coming growing season. I hope to be able to use the egg and rabbit as object leasons about rebirth and how everything dies and is reborn. Another lesson inherant in the spring equinox is the idea of finding balance. Most people are happiest when thier life is in a dynamic state of balance. I say dynamic because it's always shifting and making small corrections to maintain that balance. The Equinoxes are times when day and night are in balance. Yet this balance only comes twice in the turning of the wheel of the year. This tells us that though balance is the goal, it's also a transitional state and there will be times when we are out of balance, times when we are at extreems and perhaps rightly so, but still if the person wishes, and seeks it, they will come to balance once again.

Memorial magick

2011-03-25T09:08:00.000-07:00

A week ago, I and others in the pagan community put together a memorial for the Tsunami victims in Japan. The goal of this ritual, was to create peace between the Kami and the people, to assist those who died to the summerlands, and to invoke Divine aid in keeping the reactors from meltdown. I wrote the ritual and since it was for the larger pagan community I Incorporated both ADF druidic elements and wiccan style elements. One of the reasons why I got to lead this ritual was that I have studied Japanese for four years in school and lived in Japan for two years. I speak it fairly well. We wanted to do the invocations in Japanese, thus it fell to me. I first wrote the invocations up in English and then in translated them into Japanese as best as I could. It has been a while since I had translated and had forgotten how trying it can be. In the end, I felt that I did a good job. This ritual was "thrown" together in a matter of two days, and I had a lot of help. Due to the short time line I didn't have time to memorize the invocations. Reading invocations or ritual elements tends to be a pet peeve of mine. Most people can not read off a piece of paper without being monotone and having a piece of paper crammed in ones face since it is dark and hard to see speaking in a monotone voice just looks silly and sounds bad. Trust me when I say you'll never see a Catholic priest do that! At the closest they have these ornate books to read from. Even Buddhist monks read off ornate scrolls. "Scrolls! that's it!" I thought to myself. I'll print the invocations in large font and make them look like scroll's! So I did. I printed four invocations in large font, luckily they all fit on one page. I then taped dowls I had laying around on the bottom and top and rolled them up. I had two in Japanese to be read by myself, and two in English (the translations) to be read by my beautiful wife. I chose to make some impromptu tassel things from hemp and attached them to the English translation scrolls so that they could be easily told apart during the ritual and we'd know which scroll to pick up.

I practiced reading them in a dramatic fashion so as not to come off as monotone before the ritual a few times. I feel that it came off very well during the ritual. Just they way one holds a scroll at the top and bottom keys people in that something different, some thing special is about to be read. In fact I think it went so well, I am going to make use of reading from scrolls a regular part of my ritual practice.

After the invocations and offerings, people gave offerings of their own. Some to the Kami, some to the victims. Some were put into the lake, and some into the sacrificial cauldron to be burned once I got home (we couldn't have fire by the lake where we were). After that I had those gathered who would, place healing energy into a tall white candle at the center of the alter (see picture above). Then I took up the candle and asked that Amaterasu bless the candle with healing for the people and the nuclear reactors. Then the candle was lit. From that candle we lit tea lights that were placed in 7 hand made Japanese style floating lanterns. These lanterns were made by a new member to our pagan community. They were amazing, and done within 24 hours. She brought them to me, and I did the Kanji on the side. I am no calligraphy expert by any stretch, but I am pleased with my work.

The wind came up at the time of lighting the tea lights and this caused delays and I started to loose the attention of some of the members of the circle. I realize now that I should have foreseen this as a "slow" point in the ritual, and filled in the time by picking a song for the people to sing while the lighting was going on. We did get all seven going eventually and put them on the lake. The idea is that the light will guide the drowned spirits to the summer lands. When the lanterns were on the lake, we sang a song I got off the ADF website. My wife came up with a change to the last line to better fit our working. "Strong like an ocean, gentle like the rain, river wash our tears away, and heal our hearts this day." It was sung as call and response and followed by a few minuets of silence.

We then went back to the circle, bid farewell to the directions and the gods of the occasion, and the right was done. I received many compliments on the working and that felt good. I too am pleased with it, considering how quickly it came together and I learned some very good things.

The blessed candle of healing, well it sits on my alter, and I light it each day for a time releasing the blessings into the world and watching the news.

Meditation journal week 7

2011-03-24T09:09:00.000-07:00

What is there to say. I love the two powers meditations. When I think on it, I really have been doing this meditation in one form or another for years and years. Before ADF I was doing pretty much the same thing in JMG's book druid magick. So it's not wonder that it comes easily to me. I am still try to do it every day. Most days I get to it. Some I don't. I can really feel a difference though. It feels me with power, and well just plain old life. I have recently discovered a new magical use for the powers as well. I am now working as a CNA at a long term care facility. I enjoy the work, though it's hard and some times unpleasant. Many of the employees there are less then joyous. The place it's self is a bit depressed. Not bad, but a little. Makes sense knowing that people die here fairly often, and those that are here are sick or sickly. I have found that comparatively that when I am in this place and the two powers flow through me I practically glow. Every one notices and more then a few comment on it. I believe this has a positive effect on the residents and other staff. I get the sense I am a lantern in a dark room. Already they are asking for me by name to help them with things, even when I am not on that wing of the building! Just the other day a CNA came running from A wing to seek me out to talk a resident with Dementia down off a chair he was standing on! It was a rocking chair no less. I also used the two powers in some magic that I did for a healing ritual for the reactors in Japan, but more on that in my next post.

Swallowed by Ryujin

2011-03-12T10:38:00.000-08:00

I woke up Friday morning, got my usual breakfast of peanut butter sandwich and a cup of milk, and sat at the computer to catch up with the news and email. What I saw made the bread and peanut butter taste stale. Images of massive destruction as the ocean rose up and swallowed the coast of Japan after a very large earthquake. This struck me deeply in a way I never would have suspected. See, I once lived in Japan. I speak the language, I count a few of the people there as friend. I even was married to a Japanese woman once, and my children are half Japanese. Luckily no one I knew was in any harm. Still it struck me. I have many memories of that land. I have eaten its food, lived on its earth, breathed its air, drank its waters, prayed at it's shrines. I have studied it's past, and present culture. It is thus that the events felt so personal to me. The loss of life and suffering is just beginning to be counted, but I feel it in my spirit. This is not the first, nor will it be the last time this sort of thing happens in Japan, but I know that the Japanese will stoically get to work, and rebuild. Shikata ga nai. I write this to all my Shinto "cousins", you are in my thoughts and prayers these days. May Ryujin's fury be ended and may the light of Amaterasu-O-Mi-Kami shine upon you once more.

the magic that we weave

2011-03-12T10:19:00.000-08:00

I haven't written about the magic I have worked of late. Well, all in all I haven't worked all that much. I did an uncrossing for friend a few weeks back. It seems to have gone well. I have been working with another friend with shamanic work helping her over come some issues stemming from her childhood. I still do daily devotionals and I did sacrificial offerings to the gods yesterday to help those affected by the Tsunami in Japan. I have also worked some Ogham magic and I continue my studies. I feel that I am now familiar enough with ADF and Ian's ritual style that I am ready to move forward with the nature spirit summoning work.

Nature space: part 1

2011-03-10T16:55:00.000-08:00

As part of my Dedicant path, I am asked to visit a nature spot and spend some time there. I have chosen a place near my home called Heart Park. It's a large place, and has a river that runs through it. It also has several man made ponds. The park is interesting in that it runs from manicured to wild depending on which part you are in. I of course prefer to spend my time in the wild sections. The park is home to a number of trees, none of which I suspect are native. Still I have seen Vally Oak, Scrub Oak, Sycamore, and several I haven't identified yet. Near the river there are Reeds, and Cattails. The park is home to wild ducks and geese, the last survivors of what used to be this continents largest marshland, but has since been dried up and used for commercial farming. The park also hosts turtles, rabbits, peacocks (not native of course), Harris and Red tailed hawks, and on occasion the mighty Golden Eagle. I have seen sign of Coyote and Raccoons as well, but never the critters themselves. There are many other critters such as skunks I imagine, and I know there is a pack of feral cats as well.

Like most druids I enjoy spending time in wild places. It feels like home, brings me a sense of peace. I like to say that I just "get" nature. I understand it at a gut level that I can't explain. I don't get urbanization like that though. I feel much more comfortable sitting along on a log in the woods, then I do sitting alone on a park bench waiting at a bus stop. In the woods there is a deep sense of harmony, and that brings me to peace within.

Today however was different. Today I went to the woods seeking to find peace from the turmoil within. I tried to deny it all day. I tried not to feel it, tried to pretend it wasn't there. None of that worked. See, today is my little girls seventh birthday, except she's over six hundred miles away, and I am not sure when I'll get to see her next. Her mother refuses to drive half way to meet me, and with a new job starting soon, I am not sure if I can take off a week to come see my kids any time soon. I am sure she's having a great day and I know she has a birthday party planned this weekend. It just saddens me that I can't be there. I thought some time in my nature spot would help, but it didn't. While I was in my nature spot, I found a decent oak branch to make another staff out of. It's some thing I enjoy doing. But not today. Today I just ran through the motions feeling empty inside. Once I got home I bounced through a number of different things that normally bring me joy, but nothing did today. I have come to accept that for today, I am going to be sad and a bit empty and lonely. Tomorrow will be better I suspect.

good enough.

2011-03-06T20:01:00.000-08:00

PHew!!!! That was some intense training. I am sorry dear readers that I have not been active on the blog, but my professional life has been eating up most my time these past few weeks. The new teacher we got for the CNA program is outstanding, but also very very demanding and a lot tougher then the previous teacher. Thus the reason for my silence.

I have still been meditating. My new schedule is to come home from clinical, shower and then do daily devotions and meditate. Other aspects of my life have made this a challenge as well. Things like taxes and battling with the Ex over who claims what child, getting the car tuned up, and going to the doctor to have a granuloma removed that grew from an ingrown finger nail. That is the most painful thing I have had to experience in a very long time. Still I meditate at least 3-4 times a week. "Wow!" one might say, "he sure is devoted." Honestly, its not devotion that keeps me doing it. It's simply the fact that I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER when I do regular devotions and meditations. It helps me feel so balanced and healthy. In fact, many people in the CNA class have been stricken with a nasty cold. Not me. Even my wife is currently suffering from the cold, but I seem to be good. She's had it for some time now, and it seems to me that if I were going to get it, I would be showing signs by now. I truly believe that my daily meditation and devotions have some thing to do with my remaining healthy. It occurs to me that I have been under a lot more stress of late then usual to boot. Again the meditations have been critical in my coping with it.

I attended Pantheacon since I last wrote. It was a great experience once again. I am already looking forward to next year. The highlight for me was getting to meet some other ADF folk, and participating in the public ritual. My role was small, but I enjoyed it very much, and I gleaned some new ritual techniques that want to incorporate into my own rituals. I picked up my first Bodhran while I was there. I have enjoyed learning to play it. I am not very good yet, but I am getting the hang of it. I had a lot of fun playing it in the drumming circle at P-con.

I have not had anything really all that note worthy in my spiritual path. No spirit-walks, no Epiphanies, no super awe inspiring moments. I am happy, healthy, wise, and feeling full of power. Some days that is good enough.

Meditation journal week 6

2011-02-11T09:21:00.001-08:00

Well this week had been decidedly less busy. We got a break from CnA class as they had to have a change in teachers. We start up again on Monday. All this boils down to me getting more mediation time in. The two power mediation comes very easily to me now, and I feel the flow of the two powers strongly. It's a very pleasant sensation and leaves me feeling balance, healthy, and full of life, yet calm and relaxed. I didn't do any spirit-walks this week. Just didn't feel called to. I did spend some time in my nature place out by the river. It was nice. Found a great piece of oak to make a staff out of. I have been studying the Ogham recently and using mediation to help me learn it. I pull out a random Fid and then I will read it's entry. I then intone the name of the fid as I visualize it's shape in my mind. I play with the pitch until I find one that seems to resonate within my body. There is definitely magic in this technique and in the names and symbols. I burned some into the staff I made. This helps me to learn them as well as empower my staff.

My Imbolc

2011-02-06T18:06:00.000-08:00

In the belly, growing!
Hearth keeping, earth stirring,
Light rising, bread baking,
we keep the feast of Imbolc!..... My voice rang out of the group of seventeen or so people that came to witness my first public ADF style ritual. The group neo-pagans all were an eclectic bunch, mostly of the wiccan variety. Still they had all be curious. They even participated with the Earthmother offering, outdwellers, and blessing of the well and flame. The kitchen witch was kind enough to bake Bannok bread for sacrifice. I channeled the opening of the gates, and the invocation of dead, spirit and gods as well as the Imbolc invocation from Ian's book. Offerings were given, some tearfully, and blessings were invoked not into a chalice or hirlas, but into a basket full of Bridget's crosses we had spent 3 hours making before the ritual proper. The crosses were then handed out to the participants to take home and hang as they would. The ritual was closed in the usual way.

What went wrong-- I made one amateurish mistake, the raw milk that I was going to use in the ritual was left in the refrigerator and of course was not where I needed it when I needed it. I also forgot the part of the opening ritual where the Nemoton is claimed and hollowed. Despite working hard to memorize the Imbolc invocation, I missed a line toward the end and that through me off for the rest. I also was dealing with a low grade but damn persistent headache.

What went right-- Everyone who committed to doing something for the ritual came through in flying colors. It made it beautiful. There was a good number of people, and several I hadn't expected. The Nemeton looked beautiful. Just a lot of things that could have gone wrong didn't. People showed up to work together weaving Bridgit crosses. We had a good time sitting around talking and joking while we did this. When I opened the gate, I really felt it this time. I felt the energy flow, shift, and change. I would have to say the height of the ritual, and I have felt this before, was the giving of offerings to Bridgit. At least one person from each family unit gave offerings. Two people shed tears as the did so. One asking for the healing she needs, the other giving thanks for keeping her family unit together during a time of uncertainty and crisis. Some read poetry, some offered in silence. Some just spoke their hearts. One mother came to the fire with her seven year old son and together they gave offering. After each person finished we said as a group "So be it!"

As for me, well, I gave an offering of braided sweet grass, and I spoke what came to me in that moment. I had been so busy this week with school and preparing for the ritual, that I had not given any for thought to what I would say. I thanked her for bringing good Dr.'s into my wife's life and thus her healing. I asked her to look after my two children for me who are so far away that I can't do it myself. I asked her to guide me in my studies of the healing arts.

The omen-- As I am not yet totally proficient with Ogham my chosen divination system, I asked one of the woman of the group to do the divination portion. She chose to use a simplified Tarot card system. The card pulled was labeled "partnership". I thought this a fitting blessing, and seemed to fit the overall theme of the day and ritual. There seemed to be a lot of focus on "Family" in this ritual.

After the ritual we all went inside and enjoyed a wonderful potluck dinner. The room was filled with laughter, hugs, and jests. Topics ranged from Baklava to the new movie "The Black Swan". A number of attendees didn't stay long after the ritual. I can't help but wish they had. In many ways, its the after ritual feasting when friendships are forged, when community is created. "BEHOLD THE POWER OF CHEESE!" What I mean by that, is the magic of community is created over food. I hate to see people miss out on that.

What to do differently next time-- Well first off I wouldn't forget the milk, and I'll get to know the COoR better. It would have been in my best interest to read over the Imbolc invocation one last time before I recited it from Memory. I asked my wife, what she thought I could have done better. Her only feed back as that in the beginning when I was explaining the meaning of the fire, well, and tree that I kept saying "uhm". I hate it when other people do it, I really hate it when I do it. So need to work on my speaking skills.

All in all I feel the ritual came out really well. I got lots of thanks and compliments on it, what's more I feel that it fulfilled peoples spiritual needs. At the end of the day, that's what counts.

Meditation journal week 5

2011-01-28T20:32:00.000-08:00

Though I am not able to find the time to do meditation each day, I am still getting 4 or 5 days a week in. Earlier this week, I made time in the mornings after my shower while the rest of the house was still asleep to meditate. These were short, only about 15 minuets before I would leave for the CNA class. At the end of this week, the location of the class was shifted about 25 minuets north of me, and I had to get up and leave home earlier, thus killing my meditation time in the morning. Today I made time to meditate in the evening. This went really well. I felt the two powers line up with in my easily and I felt them strongly. I had a great sense of balance. I also want to mention that the other day I had a discussion with my wife. It was a topic that she felt strongly about and at one point she said things that would normaly have gotten me heated. This time however it just rolled over and off me like water off a ducks back. I was totaly calm, warm and loving. What might have blown into an argument, rolled seemlesly into friendly negotiation and a solution found. I attribute this to my meditations. "Between water and fire, I find my balance."

Imbolc: what's it all about anyway?

2011-01-26T20:04:00.001-08:00

Imbolc or "in the womb" is said to refer to the growing bellies of the Ewes who were kept by the the Celts and so important to their lively hood. It is also called Lá Fhéile Muire na gCoinneal in Irish, which translates to the feast day of Bride. These are all things any "baby pagan" can learn from a simple Internet search as well as a few other basics. Imbolc is dedicated to the goddess Brigid, fire is often involved be it a hearth fire or a bonfire. Young woman are often a major focus. These are all themes that can be found throughout the Celtic history of Imbolc. Having been pagan for many years now, and having seen a goodly number of Imbolc celebrations I have seen these ideas repeated time and again. The first flowers of the coming spring, the crown of candles in a young woman's hair, the Brigit crosses, and the corn dolly. Traditions of old made new again. Yet, what does all of this really mean? The oldest written mention of Imbolc comes from the Irish stories called the "Ulster cycle", yet no mention is given as to why it was celebrated. Why is Brigit honored instead of Angus Macogg? Perhaps knowing the answer to that question would help me understand what this feast is really all about. In a podcast, I can't recall if it was Druidcast or the Celtic mythpodshow, I heard a great Scottish version of the story of Imbolc where the winter Cailleach imprisons Brigid and enslaves her so that spring will never come. But with the aid of Angus and an old man she escapes and spring comes. The theme of this story reminded me of the story of the Oak and Holly kings battling it out to rule of over the light and dark half of the year. Even after Brigit escapes the grasp of the Cailleach, which marks Imbolc, the winter hag still throws the last few storms of the season in an attempt to recapture Brigit. I think in this part of the story lies the key meaning of Imbolc. It's the point when things have turned, when there is suddenly hope for survival and growth even though the dark cold of winter isn't yet over. Though the ground is still cold and wintry, the strangle hold of winter is done. In Jean M. Auel's book "Vally of the horses" She writes about the people celebrating when they feel the earth mother has "broken the back of winter". The old shaman in the story talks about the importance of the celebration as a way for the people to work off the sense of cabin fever. More then that I think all of these things point to the rebirth of hope. Hope that the cold will pass. Hope that the green will come again, that life will be renewed. Hope that things will get easier. Hope that the season of sickness and death will end. Imbolc is about hope in the time of cold darkness. Not the vague blind hope, but the pure sure kind of hope. The kind of hope you feel when you know with out any doubt that something good is coming. It is hope mixed with a healthy dose of anticipation. Imbolc is a reminder that cold and darkness never last forever. The light and warmth of life always comes again. So when you find yourself in the cold dark winter of the soul and can't seem to see an end, stop, take a moment, and invoke the spirit, the meaning, of Imbolc.

Adjusting

2011-01-23T14:08:00.000-08:00

Sorry I have not blogged much recently. I started the CNA class this week, and it's keeping me busy and a touch off balance. I am still working out a new balance, one where I have the time for school, chores, meditation, reading, studying, working, family and writing in the blog. I am currently working on a write up for Imbolc and it's meanings. I didn't meditate everyday last week. I did still get in 4 days though.

Courage

2011-01-14T09:34:00.000-08:00

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the judgement that something else is more important then fear"--Ambrose Redmoon

Courage. There are as many definitions of it as there are people in the world. Dictionary.com defines courage as "the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery." (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/courage) Personally I think this definition is wrong at a very crucial point. I believe that without fear there can be no courage. It is the very presence of fear that creates courage or at least the opportunity for courage. They create each other like the interplay of predator and prey create each other. Deer evolved to run fast and leap far to stay ahead of the snapping jaws of the wolf, and in turn wolves learned to be social and work together to take turns running a single deer to ground.
ADF defines courage as "The ability to act appropriately in the face of danger." I like this definition much more then the last, but again I think it misses a key element. Lets look at it a bit more closely. First it tells us that the courageous person has to have the Ability to act. This is true, though I would expand what is meant by "act". In some situations the courageous act is non-action. The definition also states they must be able to act appropriately. This also is excellent to have in the definition, however keep in mind that what is "appropriate" can change from situation to situation. The definition also states that the action taken must happen in the "face of danger." Here is where my personal belief in courage in general deviates from ADF's definition. I do not believe that "danger" or the risk of any actual harm need be there. What needs to be there is fear. Regardless if there is actual danger or not there needs to be a sense of fear. I believe that it takes greater courage for a woman who has a fear of heights to climb a latter to clean her gutters on the roof then it takes for a soldier who feels no fear what so ever and is in an armed conflict. Simply put no fear, no courage. Though the fearless act may still be courageous, it doesn't require courage per se. So my personal definition of courage goes "The ability to act appropriately in the face of fear". I also divide courage into two types. Silent courage and loud courage. Silent courage is the more every day things we do that are fearful to us. Things like sharing emotional vulnerabilities to some one. The fear of having to give bad news to a boss who is prone to flying off the handle. Loud courage are things like running into a burning building, joining the military and fighting in a war. The reason I chose the picture above is that it shows both types of courage. The deceased marine showed the loud courage and sacrificed his life. His son, is showing the silent courage of facing the reality that his beloved father is dead. The silent courage of facing the rest of his life with out his wisdom, love, and support. Courage of facing mortality and an uncertain future. I do not believe that one type of courage is inherently greater then the other either.
Perhaps the most courageous man I have ever known in my life is my Grandfather Victor Wrigley. He graduated college with a masters in physics and a 2nd lieutenant in ROTC just as America was being pulled into WWII. He went when called. Surviving that and disgusted with what he saw, he became a Lutheran Minister in the United Lutheran church in America. He built the church and the congregation with his own hands in Brooksfield Wisconsin. All went well for many years, but when he was 36 years old, he was tried by the church for "heresy" and found guilty for his beliefs. Despite it all he stuck to his beliefs. He could have hidden them, could have capitulated to avoid the trial, but no, he stuck to them, defended them with his heart. http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,808113-1,00.html
Grandpa Wrigley is now 91 years old, and ya know what, he still believe as he always did. I hope that I will be as courageous in my life as my Grandfather has been in his. I am now 36 the same age as my Grandfather was when he was put on trial. Would I have the same courage? I have not been in a war, I have not grown up in the great depression. At age 36 my Grandfather was a veteran, had a masters in physics, built a church and a loving loyal congregation. It's enough to give a guy a complex! Still I have traveled to foreign countries alone, faced many opponents in the Martial arts, faced bullies and viscous dogs and had the courage to witness others pain and not turn away, but I suppose my greatest act of courage was when I pulled myself out of an abusive relationship, left behind everything I knew and had built, and moved here. At the time I didn't know how things would turn out. It was a gamble. It's not all worked out as I would have liked. I am still building a new career and struggle monthly to pay my bills. However I have found love in abundance, and it has brought me upon the druidic path and this essay.

A spiritual Thank you

2011-01-14T09:00:00.001-08:00

I recently was selected for a Certified nursing program. Only 1/3 of the applicants were accepted. My regular readers will know that there was some spiritual work that went along with this. In fact it's been a long time coming. I know without a doubt that they holy kindreds had their hands in this. Based off my spirit-walk last Monday I feel that Bridgit had much to do with my acceptance into the program, and explaining some important things to me that I was blind to. So today instead of my normal meditation time, I chose to do a full rite, and give offerings to the goddess Bridgit, and all without asking for anything in return. This would be my second "formal" full right I have done since joining ADF. I have done many "practice" or "informal" full rights. I am a kinesthetic learner. The best way for me to learn the ritual is to do it. The ritual flowed well. I concentrated more on the pattern of ritual and less on the specific words. I was more relaxed and found that the right words just came to me. I chose to do this rite indoors at my shrine, so my offerings were placed in an offering bowl. I gave flour to the Earth Mother, Oil for the gods, incense for the sidh, and bread for the ancestors. I gave an offering of milk and my love and thanks for Bridgit. After I opened the gate and gave my offerings I closed my eyes and stilled my mind for a few moments. I had flash of a vision of the holy kins standing together as a group might for a photo. they were all smiling and the Dagda was lifting a Hirlas. The funny part is that I saw them all as cartoons! Regardless it left me feeling loved and that I sensed they appreciated my offerings and thanksgiving. I closed the ritual in the usual ways and all was done and done and well done.

things that make you go hmmm.

2011-01-12T19:45:00.000-08:00

Today I sat at my personal shrine and performed a simple ritual. I then entered into the two powers meditation. This was all I had intended to do today, but while doing the two powers I decided, not really knowing why, to do another "passing the mists" exercise. Again, in the spirit form, I walked outside to the back yard. Suddenly I stepped in what felt like deep mud and sank to my knees, but was able to quickly step out. I turned to look where I had fallen in, and from that spot arose what can only be described as an earth elemental. This one came to speak with me it would seem. It told me it was the spirit of this place. I took that to mean my back yard, though thinking about it now it could have meant a larger area. The spirit stood about 4 feet tall. It seemed friendly and I asked it a serious of questions. Such as what it could do for me, what it wanted in return, what it's rank was among other spirits here. It didn't seem to have a "rank" per say. I did get it's name, or at least it gave me a name. Giz-leth is what I got. Not sure if it means anything to anyone. Once the audience was over I returned to myself and came out of the spirit-walk.

Several hours later, I got a call from the job that I applied for a few weeks back just before new years eve. I haven't heard from them for two weeks. They had told us if we got a job they'd call us the next day. We'll I never got a call. So here I am on the phone with one of the owners and she's asking me if I can come in...TODAY! As if I have been working there for this whole time. It was weird. I told her that I couldn't. That since I hadn't heard from them, I assumed I hadn't gotten the job, and I had just been accepted into the CnA program, thus I wouldn't be able to work for them. I can't hep but think that the holy kindred had a hand in this. Perhaps they were guiding me in the right direction, that they wanted me in the CnA program and not this job. I was pretty upset when I didn't get a call back at the time. I had tried really hard not to be, I had tried to trust in the holy kindred and the fates that I wasn't supposed to get that job, but in the end I was just plane old upset. Now I have a different perspective of course. Now what I see is that the CnA class will move me closer to my over all goal of becoming a R.N., where as the Driving job would not. The CnA class won't help me make money right now, but will give me a higher paying job then the driving job would, though later down the road a bit.

In the end it's all just things that make me go Hmmmm.

...and I am in.

2011-01-11T20:07:00.001-08:00

Just a quick note to let my readers know that today I got the call that I have been accepted into the certified nursing aid class. I start on Monday morning.

Stepping out of the fog

2011-01-10T08:47:00.000-08:00

Today I did the exercise in the ADF dedicant's path called passing the mists. It seems to me that this is essentially a shamanic journey. Something I am very familiar with and have done for a long time. However, this was the first time I used this technique to enter into a journey or spirit-walk as I like to call them. I started with the simple devotional and called to Lugh and Bridgit. During the mediation portion of the devotional is when I did the spirit-walk. I would say it went well. In the spirit world I walked around my property. When I reached the back yard, I was lifted up buy a great wind that shot me high high high into the air. I was looking down upon the earth and still I could make out the light of my little hearth fire. After a moment I was hurtling back toward the earth and my yard. It was frightening and exhilarating at the same time. Just before I hit the ground the descent slowed and I was gently placed upon my feet. I heard the sound of a wooden wheels and the the clomping of horses. I looked up from my feet to see who I believe to be Lugh in his Chariot there with me. He held a spear and radiated. He did not speak but merely looked at me as if to say "I see you". Then he give a little flick with the reigns and he was gone into the sky. I sat at my outdoor meditation spot and tucked my knees into my chest and sat a while in thought. I was thinking about an incident I created yesterday. I had acted in an unjust manner that greatly upset my wife. At the time I quickly recognized my wrong and have made amends. Still I am not content to simply let it go. I didn't understand why I had acted in such a way. So I gave it some thought and as I was doing that I felt a woman's presence all around me. A gentle feminine voice answered my pondering "You acted out of anger and frustration grown from your bad luck in business and job hunting." I asked how do I change that and the woman's voice said "to open my heart to the world, to breath in the goodness all about me, to trust in the gods." I did as instructed then. I concentrate at my chest and visualize gates at my heart opening out to the world. On a physical level, I feel a relaxing of the intercostal muscles over my left side. Spiritually, or perhaps energetically I felt a whoosh of "stuff" leave me. Anger, hurt, frustration. I felt a "cool breeze" flow in. I felt a greater sense of peace and relaxation came over my physically. Still I felt despair though. I asked the voice to help me get into the certified nursing class that I am interviewing for today. I told her that I need this. That it's what I want. I told her that I need a break. I told her that I am not sure how much longer I can stand up to all this bad luck I have had in the way of career and income. The woman's voice told me that she can not guarantee to get me in. That it is up to the interviewer's and she can not nor will not alter their free will. She said she can inspire me to say all the right things and she would be with me. I found myself just repeating over and over "help me" like it was a short prayer. The woman's voice was silent, but I caught a glimmer of the face of a beautiful and motherly woman. I am not sure how long i just sat there like that, but eventually I felt the presence leave and I was alone. I chose to end my little spirit-walk, and I walked back into my home and stood before my physical body. I stepped into it and ended the walk. I opened my physical eyes and had a small surprise though I felt very little time had passed in my spirit-walk, the fact that incense sticks were completely burned to nothing spoke otherwise. I ended the rite giving thanks. So how am I now? Well, I feel better. Lighter. I don't feel angry or frustrated. My interview is an hour away and I am a bit scared. I want to be one of the 20 picked for this. I want it bad. I want a change in my luck. I want to be a nurse and this is a major stepping stone in that direction.

and the meditations go on and on and on

2011-01-09T20:28:00.000-08:00

Though I haven't talked about it much of late here, I am still meditating daily. I have been doing the two powers meditation primarily. I do it in conjunction with my daily devotions. I love the feeling of the two powers flowing through me. I have practiced directing it and using them to form a spiritual shield. Last night I was able to use the two powers to heal my wife's headache. I feel I have good skill with the two powers exercise and using them in magical work. It's not exactly new to me. Tomorrow I plan to start to use the rising of the mist exercises to enter into the spirit world. Stay tuned for spirit adventures here!

Book Review: History of Pagan Europe

2011-01-06T12:44:00.000-08:00

Wow." That was my first word when I finished "The History of Pagan Europe" by Prudence Jones & Nigel Pennick. Not wow that was a fun read, but wow I sure learned a lot. Wow, I get it now. Wow, I had a lot of misconceptions. Wow those pagans who harp about the burning times are looking at the wrong things. All these thoughts and feelings summed up into one singer "wow". Jones and Pennick wrote this book as a sort of historical story, broken up into cultural groups. It starts with the Greeks, moves into the Romans, then into the Celts, the Germanic people, the Baltic lands, the Russians and Balkans, and finishes with a few words on Neo-paganism.

Here are the things I took away from this reading.
Greeks
I don’t feel that I learned too much from the section on the Greeks. I did walk away with a new sense of the culture and how woman were so very repressed in Greek culture. Perhaps from listening so often to the stories of Artemis and Athena, that one comes away with the idea that the Greeks woman were near if not equal to the men in standing and freedoms. Knowing now that they were not makes the stories of these Goddesses even more spectacular and seemingly preternatural. Tumbling this stone over in the stream of my mind, I couldn't help but think of the term "Dianic Wicca" or about "Dianic Covens" What is it saying when these Hyper-feminine (and I don't mean that in a negative way) groups take their name from a goddess that stems from a culture that was so repressive to woman? Is it out of ignorance or some sort of reclaiming?

Roman Empire
Here I learned a good deal of things I didn't know before about the religion of the Romans. I also came to understand how Christianity gained ground. Despite all the bad press Rome gets in its Imperial history (and rightly so) one good thing about them is they were very open to other pagan beliefs and deity. I found it amazing how in Roman war fare they priests would "Evoke" the protective deities of a city they were laying siege to with bribes of giving the deity a temple and better offerings at home, if it would only switch sides! In this way many new deities and their cults were brought into Rome and the Roman Empire. Interestingly it was this very religious pluralism that allowed Christianity to come to Rome. It seems for a long time no one took it seriously. They preached poverty and non-violence. Very alien concepts in Imperial Rome. It would seem most people blew them off as an eccentric cult that would pass away. We all pretty well know how that ended. Still what I learned that I didn't know is that the Christian take over did not happen in one swoop. It went back and forth between paganism and Christianity. Not just in Rome, but in all the cultures that Christianity eventually over took.

Celts
This section was a bit disappointing to me. As Irish Celt is my hearth culture of choice, I didn't learn any new information here. It did repeat much that I had learned before. I was hoping for some new information.

Germanic people and all the rest
Here also I learned a good deal that I did not know before. Of the many different Germanic tribes, how they grew and changed and influenced each other. The one thing that I definitly take away from this book and is made really clear is that the coming of Christianity came at sword point, especially for the peasantry. Convert or death was the mentality of the time. Many fought back, and as in Rome the Christian take over never went smoothly or unopposed. Many were killed and Tortured in the name of the Christian god. Jones and Pennick tell one story of the mass forced conversion of what is now Moscow. How they statue of the locals god was flogged and torn down, then the entire populace was marched at sword point to the river for a forced baptism into the Christian faith. This book did nothing to endear the Christian faith to me.

I wonder at all the neo-pagans who point to what is called "the burning times" as symbol of pagan repression, when in fact, according to current research, it really wasn't, when there is all this recorded true oppression of paganism by Christianity a few hundred years before, yet I never one almost never hears of it. Can you imagine the outcry if the Catholic Church tried the same tactics today that it used to convert people in the early C.E.? It would be considered an act of war!

What I didn't like..
There are a few things I didn't like about this book. First off, MORE MAPS! It comes with two simple maps, however, found them next to useless. I would very much like more detailed maps that showed rough tribal borders and arrows to indicate movement of tribes and the coming of Christianity. Maps for each cultural group would be good. The other aspect I found confusing was that time started over with each cultural group. This made it hard for me to understand the timing of events from group to group. Perhaps a time line in the book with major events across all cultural groups would fix this issue. Even with in cultural groups I found the authors jumping forward and backward a bit too much for me. Time may not actually be linear, but it sure makes it easier to understand history if it is presented as such.

and another book devoured

2011-01-04T21:04:00.000-08:00

Just finished "The history of Pagan Europe"
Yes, expect another book review in the near future. ha haha....muahahahahahahaha!

oh, and....

2011-01-03T20:36:00.001-08:00

No I didn't get the job. Not sure why, but there it is.
I did however get a text from the Professor I worked with last year as an aid. She wants me to come help her organize. Says she's willing to pay me out of her own pocket.

her hidden children: a book review

2010-12-31T17:57:00.000-08:00

I have often joked that "Wicca is to neo-paganism what beer is to drug use, it's the entry drug of paganism". her hidden children: The Rise of Wicca and Paganism in America only confirmed that idea in my head. First off I want to say that this book is excellent. It is well written and easy to read, yet it is well documented and noted through out. Never was I left with the feeling of "where did she get that from?" as I have with other authors. Hidden children really lined things up clearly for me that were foggy and nebulous before. Specifically the way that Wicca and paganism came to America from England. Though I have long heard the name of Raymond Buckland in the neo-pagan world, never did I realize that he was the direct priestly link between America and Gardner. The author Chas S. Clifton also made me come to understand how only having one official Gardnarian witch in the U.S. led to the problem of not being able to initiate enough people fast enough. One thing that the Clifton didn't mention, that occurred to me as well that fed into this problem is the geography. The British isles are not nearly as big as the U.S. in land mass, and it is conceivable for people in the British isles to drive reasonable distance for initiation. However, it is far more difficult for some one on the west coast to get to the east coast of the U.S.
Clifton goes on to describe how this in ability for people to get access to a coven and specifically the Bucklands, led to many people to strike out on there own, particularly on the west coast. At first this was met with resistance from people who had been "initiated" in Gardnarian Wicca. It would seem however that Mr. Buckland eventually saw the inevitability of it and published a self-initiation ritual. People on the west coast did much more then just self-initiate but they made some pretty radical changes, or just flat out created their own systems of paganism or witchcraft.

The nature of nature religion
Clifton does an excellent job of explaining how Wicca and by extension neo-paganism came to be conceived of as a nature religion. Clifton points back to the the first Earthday in 1970 as being the key point in time when Wicca began to be described as a "nature religion" by various authors. I really liked the authors point that Wicca could be described as a true indigenous religion of the British isles (though I think even this is a bit of stretch), however that was not true for neo-pagans in the U.S. So it was that with America's historical and often romanticised, love of nature, combined with the awakening environmental movement that a good way to describe Wicca was as a "nature religion" or "earth religion".

Another thing I would add here is that describing Wicca as a "nature religion" helps to do away with the connotations of the word "witch" or "witchcraft" and puts it more into the same realm as the beliefs of the first nations (Native Americans) thus making it much more palatable for the main stream. Clifton points out that none of the British Wiccan authors of the early 1970's described Wicca as an earth religion, but American authors were, thus the idea of Wicca being a nature religion is an American adaptation.

The war of words
Clifton does a really good job exploring how Gardner and the authors to follow had to face the up hill battle of redefining terms such as "witch", "witchcraft", and introduce the word Wicca. A battle that is still going on. Clifton also talks about the rhetoric that Gardner created to help push his agenda and find acceptance in the main stream. Ellis, in his book "A brief history of the Druids" talks about how druids thought of themselves as seekers of truth. Though they meant the great truth of the universe, it also applies to the little truths. As a druid I think it very important that the rhetoric created by Gardner be exposed, and gently washed away to find the real truths it covers up. Wicca does not need an artificial history to make it worthwhile. I found the part in "her hidden children" where Clifton discusses the origin and meaning of the word Wicca to be very interesting. The author concludes that Wicca does not mean "wise one", as Gardner had proposed, nor "one who bends" at all, but in fact is simply old English for "witch" and carries with it all the old negative connotations it always has had. I suspect that this etymology is going to "bend some wise ones" all out of shape.

Wicca and pop culture
This was an interesting chapter, though over all I felt the author could have taken it up to more modern times discussing such films as the "witches of eastwick", "Practical magic", and "the craft". Not to mention "Buffy", "charmed" and lets not forget "harry potter". I know of at least one witch personally who came to Wicca through reading Harry Potter. The point that was made on me however was that Wicca and the redefining of the "witch" has had an affect on pop culture all over the world.

Everything else
Clifton lumps all the other non-wicca neo-pagans into one chapter at the end of the book. Druidry's bit was well done if perhaps a bit shallow at times. Still I got a good sense of where ADF roots were, and the circumstances in which they grew. It wasn't made up. It wasn't glamorous, or particularly inspired. There was no lightning bolt, or the decent of a shining god or goddess. There were no prophets or much of anything rally. It was an organic grass roots movement of sorts. Just the way a druid organization should start.

Seeking the blessings of Lugh

2010-12-31T09:57:00.000-08:00

My interview was looming in a few hours and I decided it would be a good idea to follow up stags help with some divine blessings in the hopes that it will help me land the job. I felt that the time and need were right to do my first fill druidic ADF style blessing. I began by gathering the offerings I would need. Ground flour for the earth mother (we didn't have cornmeal). Olive oil mixed with sandalwood and dragon's blood essential oil for the gods. I didn't have mead or whisky on hand so I used mulled apple cider as offering to the ancestors. Incense sticks for the Sidh. As I was doing this indoors at my alter, I used an offering bowl. I felt the working went very well. I did forget to state my clear intention of the right after my prayers to the earth mother and call for inspiration. Still by the time I got to the point when I drink the blessed cup, again I used the mulled apple cider, I could really feel the blessings flow through out my body. It was a pretty intense sensation, and I truly felt "power-full". The Deity I called to for aid was lugh. Those who have read my posts will know that he has been a strong influence in my life in the past year, and I still feel that. When I was living in Oregon, it was Cernnernos who was the most active. I can't help but feel that where I live now is ruled over more by Lugh and the place I was before more by Cernnernos. Or, it simply could be that the change is more within me.
Sorry I digressed. I went to the interview with confidence and friendliness. There were three of us applying for two positions. I should know by the end of the day.