I am stag hear my Roar!

ah the noble stag. Beautiful and quiet; a gentle creature of the forests. When danger approaches the use their amazing agility and speed to get away...most the time. Ah how people forget stags have antlers, and time to time they do use them. They use them to fight off potential rivals and the occasional "wolf". Today I had the displeasure of needing to use my antlers. I sat and listened to my step-daughters bio-dad once again emotionally abuse her over the phone for not calling him back on HIS time table. This has been going on for a while now. I love my step-daughter, and no one deserves to be emotionally abused. I should know, I lived it for 10 years. I am coaching my step-daughter to stand up for herself in a respectful manner, but to see her beautiful face once again reduced to tears and that confused expression of pain for having committed only an imaginary crime her bio-dad could see, I had to step in. enough was enough. I could have handled it better I suppose, but nature needs to run it's course. I launched a verbal goring he will not soon forget, nor do I think he'll ever look at me the same again. good. I am completely OK with that, nor do I regret my actions or words. I am sure there will be repercussions. I am OK with that too. No one emotionally abuses a member of my family and walks away thinking that was a good idea.

Finishing what I started...The tree of light exercise

Looking back over the last few years I realized that I never completed JMG's Druid magic energy work system. I was ready to do the final exercise called the Tree of Light, but I never did it. Today was a good day to give it a go. In essence the exercise is to take the two powers and from there energies create a seed of light that you visualize inside you. This seed then grows roots and branches, trunk, and leaves. Growing up and down. Uhm...wow. I am not sure if it was cause I felt emotionally and energetically drained after my clinical work today and really needed this, or if it was the exercise today, but I felt even more tapped into the two powers then I have in the past. This also ties into my work of "being the oak". I really felt my inner spinning come to a stillness I haven't had in some time. Today at least this was a powerful magical working and spiritual exercise. When I was done I was shocked to open my eyes and find how much time had passed in what felt to me like a few min, was in fact closer to an hour. This to me is another testament to my need or to it's power. You can bet I will be working with this for a while.

I'll know my name when I hear it called again...

The other night I had a very interesting thing happen. I was sound asleep, when suddenly I heard my name called in a woman's voice. It was sharp, distinct, and crystal clear. Upon hearing my name called my eyes snapped open with a start. The room was dark, the only sound that of my b'loved water witch gently sleeping next to me. The clock read 4:31. There was only my name. Nothing else. This has happened to me once before, years ago now, back when I was just taking my first baby steps upon the neo-pagan path. The first time it happened it was a deep masculine voice calling my name. I was sleeping in my old boyhood bed room at my parents at the time, and when I awoke, with that same start as the other day, I expected to see my father standing over me. No one was there. I believe both of these instances were spirits calling me for some reason. I have no idea what kind of spirit be they nature or of the gods or ancestors. There is just the sound of my name being called loud enough to snap me awake from a dead sleep.

The evolution of my home shrine

1. 2. 3.

My home shrine evolution

Over the past year my shrine has changed and grown. My wife and I each have our own shrine. They are placed in what we call our “magic” room, but it is also our guest room. This hasn’t been a problem for us as both my wife and I are open and friendly about our religious beliefs and anyone who would be staying with us already knows.

The first picture is how my shrine looked when I first started in ADF. It was very much a shrine based not on ADF cosmology buy on Wicca or Ceremonial magic cosmology. You will see the four elements represented. You will also notice an athme and a rattle. On the wall is a Bridghit’s cross. At the back of the shrine is a set of antlers. The antlers help connect me to my spirit guide the stag. In the center of the shrine is a silver chalice. This chalice was passed down to me from my mother’s father.

In Picture 2. You can see things have changed. At this point I was familiar with ADF cosmology and redesigned my alter to represent that. In the center is my representative world tree. I made it myself and got the idea from Rev. Ian Corrigan’s books. At the base of the “tree” I have a bowl for a well and one with a candle for my fire. Again you will see the silver chalice and the antlers in the back ground. Between the chalice and the antlers is a bowl for incense offerings. On the other side of the alter from the bowl for incense is a bell. I found the bell at a Goodwill and built the stand for it. I ring the bell nine times at the start and end of my devotionals. In the far back ground is a bowl of earth left over from picture one and the feather of a golden eagle.

In picture 3. is how my alter looks today. Sure got cluttered! At the center is the same tree, well and fire. Again you’ll see the bell. Still there is the incense bowl for incense offerings. Just beside that there is a bowl of salt. This I also use for offering. It is nice to be able to pick up a pinch of salt and place it in the candle or an offering bowl (not shown) as needed. The red square in the front is actually my symbols of power that I created for spirit art as taught by Rev. Corrigan. The chalice has changed. Sadly the antique one started to lose its silver plating and was no longer safe to drink from. Some day when I can afford it I’ll have it re-plated. Also added is a picture of Bridghit and a statue of Donn or Curnernnos. Again you will see the deer antlers in the back ground. What you can’t see is a small skull fetish that is hiding behind my bell in the picture. This is a fetish I use to help connect me to the mighty dead. Also not shown are prayers that I am currently learning, taped to the wall behind the shrine.

I am not sure just how my shrine will grow and change next. I have given thought to perhaps putting a shelf on the wall and creating a small “subshrine” dedicated to the ancestors. I have also thought I’d like to get plaques that represent the gods I work with most often and put them on the wall above my shrine.

Looking back over the last two years

As is my tradition at this time of year. I am looking back over my posts of the last two years. All that I have been through, all that I have over come. I can stand back and look see how much I have grown and changed. As we live day to day it's easy to lose sight of the forest for the trees. Personal growth, spirituality and magic can be a very difficult thing to measure at times. A journal or in this case my blog has been the best tool I have ever had to give me a "measure" of how I have changed and grown.

One thing I noticed is that over the past few years I am not doing as many spirit-walks as I used to. Instead the focus of my magic is more about bringing the spirits to me on this plane, then about me going to them. I haven't stopped spirit-walking entirely just not as often. The tech of my magic has changed a lot over the years as well. I have gone from a wicca style ritual to the ADF style ritual. My focused has changed from just doing magic to worshiping the holy kindred. When I read about some of the things I have overcome, witnessed, and played a role in, I feel almost as if I am reading some one elses life. I still have the memories, but it seems all so long ago.

Today my life is really good. I am doing well in my R.N. classes. I am still finding time to meditate almost every day. My beloved water witch and I are getting along amazingly. My ex-wife is being fairly quiet. My life is mostly in balance. The meetup goes along, and the protogrove is getting on its feet. Samhain is coming, the vale grows thin. When I can I will do another ancestor working soon.

A hand up

When I awoke this morning, I was facing down the two difficult tests. Pharmacology and a Nursing fundamentals midterm. After my shower, I went to my alter as usual, but instead of my usual morning devotional and meditation, I did an abbreviated formal right using COoR. In this right I focused on giving offerings to my ancestors and asking for their help with these tests. I asked them to place their blessings into my cup of water, and I drank it up. I really could feel them at work inside me.

Later I really felt them nearer to me. As I started the first test I felt some one standing in front of and near me. I thought it was the professor as she had been walking around a bit making sure people were keeping their eyes to their own. It's a big room and she's a bit short and can't see every one from the front. Any rate I sense her there, and could see some one faintly in the edge of my field of view. After a few more moments I noticed it hadn't moved, and flicked my eyes up to look at that spot squarely, expecting to see the professor or at least some one, only there was no one there. I have chosen to believe this was me sensing an ancestor being with me. While I was taking the test, I was really listening to my impulses on what answers to pick. At times when I came across a question to which I really didn't know the answer, I followed what I felt was the ancestors speaking to me. The net result? my grade went up 6% over the last two tests I had like this. As of this writing I haven't gotten the results back from the midterm. I didn't feel I needed as much help on it though. Either way, I felt the ancestors near, and this was comforting to me. It helped me stay calm, with a relaxed focus. I believe it helped.

Meditation Journal #15 Be the oak

The other day, I made a post on Facebook bemoaning how being in nursing school has taken away my social life. Now almost every free moment I have is spent in school, studying, or doing some chore around the home. In that post my friend told me "be the oak". That struck a cord deep within my soul. It occurred to me the other day that being the oak is exactly what I am trying to do when I meditate and do the two powers meditation. Not literally an oak of course, but to soak up the power under the earth like an oak takes in water from the soil. To soak up the power of the sky like the oak's leaves soak up the light of the sun. I suspect JMG had this idea when he created his tree of light meditation exercise. What's more, I have also found that when I am in a situation that requires wisdom and slow careful thought; Situations where one might come to find their emotions making there decisions for them, its a time to employ the idea of "be the oak". To say that it has become a mantra isn't the whole truth. When I tell myself "be the Oak" I feel that I am actually tapping into, or rather calling into me the spirit of the oak. When I do it, I find myself feeling much more rooted, stable and unmoved by things like "flimsy" emotions. It's a very good feeling. I feel like I have tapped into working with that tree spirit.

gone like yesterday

Last night my b'loved water witch came home and asked me to do an Ogham reading for her. I knew it was serious not just from the tone of her voice but just in the fact she was asking me to do it. It's not some thing she askes for often, and only when it really counts. The question was she wanted to know what has become of her friends half-brother who disapeared in Mexico (where he lives) a month ago. I did my prayer, energized the question to the sticks, and cast them. The answer was immediate and without any doubt or obscurity...he was dead. It was so obvious I immediatly choked up and felt a hot tear run down my cheek. I picked up a few other details as well. A weapon, most likely a gun, was used. Money and drugs were some how involved but not directly. So was anger or lust; not sure which, probably both. I am no master of the Ogham, but I have done enough readings to have confidence in them. I never expected to do such a reading. I hope I don't have to again.