Healing spell update

It is now the beggining of day three after the group healing work done on my b'loved. All in all, I would say it has helped. Though she is far from being totally healed, it seems to me the pains are lessoned, but more then that I suspect a change in her mental attitude. She's not as angry, though still a bit frightened. Though it seems to be a simply, if painful, case of gallstones, there is that little bit of fear that worries if it isn't some thing more, like cancer. I myself don't feel such fears. With the aid of my daily magical practice and meditations I find myself not only staying centered, but thinking how silly it is to wast the energy and tears in worrieing about something that will most likely never be. Ah, but worry, it seems to me at least, is not rational. No, and in point of fact, trying to rationalize it away will only take one so far. I am not much of a worrier. Never have been, though there have been times. So how does one not worry? Well, I supose it's because I stay in the present and mentaly work with what is, or at least with what is truly known. To worry, is to loose oneself in an illusion of ones own creation, which is perhaps the most powerful kind of illusion there is. Worry does not change facts, worry only wasts ones energy and focus on the things at hand. I don't worry, because I accept. I accept the destiny the Gods, spirits, and ancestors place for me. I don't worry because I know that I have the wisdom to create the fate for myself that I want. To clearify, destiney are the cards we are dealt. Fate is the results of how we play those cards. Fretting over what cards I shall be dealt...well that's sillyness.

The other Harvest

The Sun no longer gets up so early, nor does he stay out so late. I can sense the change, I feel his old age in the air, land, and sea. Despite that the summer court is still staying on strong here this week. Today was only 106 degrees of Farinhieght, the day before was 110. I spent a good portion of it sitting outside in the shade of a tree I only wish I knew the name of on the campus of the college I am attending. I watch all the kids standing around just out of highschool. I must seem an odd old man with long hair to them, sitting all alone under my tree, book in hand. I find myself examining my life and thinking about what things I have planted and what I am now harvesting because of it. I can't help but smile, my harvest this year is abundant and amazing. Love is my corn this year. By corn I don't mean the yellow stuff grown in the new world, but by the deffanition of my largest crop. There is plaque in my parent's house that says "plant kindness, harvest love". It seems I have done a lot of that this past year. Mostly through the Pagan meetup I started and led. In October I am going to find out if the hard work I planted in my classes is going to come to fruite as I apply at the hospitals for a sponsered seat in the college's nursing program. I think of all the love both my wife and I are harvesting now in our lives as she strugles with her illness. Thank the gods that we see the surgeon on the morrow. I hope we can get her schedualed soon, and start harvesting some healing.
As per the OBOD training, I have also been looking at some of my past experiances, revisiting them as it were. I then do my best the thresh the "grain" from them. Those that no longer serve me, I let them go to where ever the place is that forgotten memories go.
I am still doing my daily meditations, I have harvested a lot from those over the year. Balance, peace, strength of mind, and magickal power. I am preparing to start the two dragon ritual at Alban Elfed.
I and my friends are making preperations for Pagan Pride Day here where I live. I was thinking of doing some story telling, but with the busyness of school and taking care of my family, I felt it would be stretching myself to thin.
And so the days of summer role by. Belinus reminds us yet again that he is still strong, that his time has not yet ended. I know the winter court is just waiting though, biding its time. The wheel turns ever on, as it has since the beggining.

Done in a new way

Yesterday while at College, I wanted to do the CoP but without being obvious. I sat myself under a try, put on my headphones and played shamanic drumming to drown out the sounds of construction, and people's conversations, as well as to put me into an alterd state of mind. I did the CoP entirely from the spirit world. It was a nice way to do it. The energies had a different quality to them. I'd call it more vivid.

My b'loved has been the focus of a lot of magick and medicine. I and others have "thrown" a good amount of healing energies at her. I would have to say it has all helped. Today she has another Dr. apt. with the GP, I assume she'll get a refurel to a surgeon. Tonight we some members of the pagan meetup are getting together to do a group healing ritual. It should be interesting. I am not leading this shindig this time, and that's ok with me. I am there to be a battery.

I think that what was stopping me from doing a healing spell earlier for my b'loved was the fear of it not working. I'll have to explore that a bit. I suspect it will take me to deal with issues of "fear of failure". We shall see!

muddling through

These last two weeks my Love has been suffering through Gallstone attacks. We are awaiting to hear from a the Dr. and refural to a surgon for removal of the gallbladder. In the mean time I am doing what I can to bring comfort to my love. Teas, painkillers, magick. Anything and every thing. I also am trying to keep the house clean, the fridge filled, and get ready for school starting again on Monday.

The stuff of dreams

I have had two interesting dreams this week already. The first one was about my Dad. He was telling me all about how he was divorcing Mom. He looked happier then I can remember seeing him in a long time. He told me how he had outsmarted her by gifting all his guns to the grandkids so she couldn't use them against him financially in the divorce. He also pointed out a large crater like depression in the ground with standing stones circling it's upper rim. He called it a "princess footprint" which in my dream made complete sense to me, but trust me when I tell you that it means nothing to me now in my waking state. There was supposed to be some sort of great gift or treasure berried in the center of it, and there was a man with a child digging with his bare hands in the center of the depression. Digging quite frantically I might add.

The other dream I had last night. I dreamed that I went to the store with my mother. I needed to get some dog food, and she needed to get a shot that would make it easier for her to get in touch with , and talk about, her feelings. I tried to pay for the dog food with $400.00, and they couldn't figure out the change. I got frutsrated, took my money, and left. When I left the store it was nice and warm, but when my mother and I got to the car it was cold and snowy. (indicating something that will happen this winter?) Off the hood, near the windshild, were two copper rods coming up on my mom's car. Attached to these rods were jumper cables. I was confused, and followed the cable to the feet of a very large man, maybe 7-8 feet tall, long reddish brown beard, wearing a winter ski cap, and ski jacket coming our way. He introduced himself as Goibniu. I said "the Irish god of Brewing?" He laughed and nodded. Then I wondered why the god of brewing was getting a jump start off my mom's car...no wait, don't answer that, I don't want to know.

Here I dream of a dream.

I haven't had much to write about the last few days, or rather haven't felt inspired to write. I have finished up the study of elemental air in the OBOD course. It was good. It helped me to get some ideas and dreams organized and filed. One of them is an idea and dream I have had for a long time. I would very much like to have a sacred grove/temple here in my community that would be open for use by all pagans. A place in or near town. A place that was safe and conducive to meditation and ritual. A temple all our own. I have it all mapped out in my mind in almost every detail from the trees to the parking lot. I have walked it's grounds in my mind a number of times, and seen rituals done. Sadly I don't have the money personally at this point in my life to buy the land and begin the process. I have considered creating a non-profit organization or joining one, to make this happen, but I can't help consider how, after money is raised for such a purchase, how to continue to pay for the taxes and up keep. I have considered charging for its use by Pagan groups, but then I can't help but think that this would keep them from making use of it. I love the Pagan community here around me, but I don't think its large enough to be able to support such a temple on donations alone either. Perhaps there could be "memberships" sort of like a country club? Only keep the prices reasonable. Its frustrating. I feel the need for it, but not the way to make it viable. Is getting some sort of church status open to the pagans? This would eliminate the taxation issue and greatly improve the viability of this project. It seems when ever I research this idea on the net, all I find are legal battles between pagans and the government on this issue. The one exception being Circle sanctuary. I find it amusing that Pagans are so against being organized, and yet, it is only with organization, a coming together, that we will be able to make such places as I dream of a reality. It is starting to happen, slowly. Circle, ADF, AODA, OBOD. All of these are gaining a following, and in time we may come to see such temples built. OBOD encourages such things, but yet, doesn't give any nitty gritty, get your hands dirty, details and on how to get it done when you can't just buy or lease a piece of land. This is something I'd really like to see some one write a book about. "How to build a temple for the pagan community". Who knows, maybe some day it will be a book I write myself.

Level up!

On Saturday I recieved an email that my examination was recieved and I have been accepted to the First Degree in AODA. I am now a Druid apprentice!

I looked over the course requirements for the next two years, and I have to say I am very excited to get started!

Goose Flesh

This past Wednesday I noticed that a new member had joined the pagan meetup group that I guide. I logged on and found out that she was a Christian witch. I have no issues with the whole "Christian witch" that some Wiccans and other witches have. I do however have concerns about a christian joining a very PAGAN group. In the group I try hard to keep out all references to Christianity, a difficult task. I also try hard to dissuade any kind of Christian bashing, just as I would dissuade any kind of bashing on race, sexuality, gender, ect. I struggled with the idea of letting her join or not. I sent her a letter explaining the very pagan nature of our group thinking this would send her looking else where. Her response impressed me, and did not send her away. I talked to the other "elders" of the group. Then I decided to consult the Ogham fews. I picked three and laid them out. Though I am familiar with the fews I am no expert nor master, and so consult books to help. At first the meaning of the reading didn't make sense to the question I asked, which was "what would come from allowing the christian witch to join the meetup?" I couldn't make head or tails of it. I decided to look at some of the other meaning of the fews besides the texts. Two of the animal meanings of the fews were stag and horse. The hairs on my arms stood up as my dream and spirit-walk came rushing back at me.
I stood in the forest, the first arrow (the letter) already cast, but the horse stayed. Do I cast the second arrow that will finish it? A casting that I have already been shown I will regret? I talked to my sister kitchen witch. I told her about my reading, this opened the doors to an emotional talk with her, one in which I learned things I hadn't known before. This woman, who I have come to love and call sister of my heart, came to the group not as with a pagan heart, but with that of a christian witch. The difference being that she never told anyone. In time she chose to shed away the last vestiges of her Christianity and has since embraced the pagan path fully. My heart and mind were opened anew, and I was humbled deeply by the thought that had I known I might have rejected this wonderful woman out of hand. No I could not fire that last arrow.

I got off the phone, and sent another email letter to the woman. I told her I was impressed with her response, and we welcomed her warmly to the meetings. Our next meeting is this Wed. We shall see if she chooses to come.

May the spirit within be in harmony with the spirit without

This morning I woke up, helped my beloved get off to work and jumped in the shower. Dressing in only my old blue jeans, I grabed my crane bag and headed out to my meditation and offering spot. It's a little pond and spring I made. I have a small clay vase filled with sand for incense offerings. It's surounded by various shrubs, plants and a pomagranite tree that was a gift. I check in with the tree. Tell it good morning. I feel it's return energy and smile quietly. I dig into my bag and pull out my incense. Just two sticks left. Normally I burn three. One for the gods, one for the nature spirits, and one for the ancestors. I had meant to buy more when I was at the pagan meet up last night. I had so much fun at the meeting I totally forgot. It happens to me a lot. I make a mental note to pick up some more later in the day. I take the two in one hand and plunge my other back into the bag and fish around for the lighter I keep in there. It's baby blue. I light the incense and let the practiced words flow from my mouth gently. Never know who is just on the other side of the fence. I place the offerings in the vase. The wind feel like the gentle caress of a practiced lover accross my bear skin. It feels good. I turn to the north and proceed with the CoP. Again the practiced words spill from my lips with practiced ease, though not so gently as before. I am after all invoking and banishing. The powers of nature and the universe don't abide the weak of will. I do the three cauldrons exercise and finish the CoP. A deep sense of harmony fills me. I sit and meditate. My mind is very still. Not constantly..I lose the focus at times and it wanders a little, but I bring it back quickly and again it is still for a time. The kinds of stillness you get when you are in the woods and sense some thing, but when you turn to look there is only a void and a stillness. TO much of one for it not to have just been filled a moment before. When done with meditation I am reluctant to leave right away. I feel so in tune with...everything. Never have I felt this in harmony. My heart is open and loving without fear. I realize that it is this way much more then not now. I know when I was up visiting my kids it was closed to my mother and guarded with my ex. Still that's improvement over a few years ago.

It's evening now. The day has been great and peacful. Now I await a friend who is having some neck pain. It's time for the healer to get to work.

Ah Horse pocky! A dream, a spirit-walk

Yesterday a friend told me that she has an important legal meeting today. She was very nervous about it. We chatted for a while and I offered to do a prayer and offering to Lugh in her name in hopes he'll help her cause, which she feels is just. I did this. I don't know if the dream I had that night was related or not, I do know it was one of those "special" dreams.

It was early fall, the sun was still high and streamed through the pine trees. I was quietly and stealthily working my way across a wild hillside. My bow was in my hand. My eyes and ears alert to tell tail signs of my quarry the mighty Rocky Mountain Elk. I was alone. All was as it should be. I hadn't gone far, mostly just being still when I caught movement up and to my left. I looked and there in an opening was a Beautiful and very large horse. A draft horse. I could see clearly what it was, and yet I was compelled to draw my bow and to my own horror shoot the beautiful and wild creature. The arrow found the horse, but wasn't going to be a quick kill. The horse jumped and took only a few steps. I Again a drew another arrow and this one was perfectly placed. The horse bolted but only made it a short distance before it stopped, listed one side then the other before crashing to earth's ever catching arms. I went to the horse and prepared for the field dressing. Upon the side of the horse was some how attached a child's painting in crayon. I found myself wondering how the meat would taste. Then I woke up.

This dream has left me feeling ill at ease. I have read "The Druid animal Oracle" on horse in hopes it would give me some insight. Nothing really struck home. In short the horse is tied to both earth and the sun. Epona the horse goddess is a psychopomp and gatekeeper. she opens the gates to the other world at Beltaine ushering in new souls, and again at Samhain, this time taking souls back to the otherworld. The horse can symbolize life, death, rebirth. Horses were often used in sacrifices and grave goods.

I also did a spirit journey to try and see if the spirits would be willing or able to fill me in further. I was blessed to have Lugh speak with me briefly. Though I was unable to discern further meaning from my dream from him. He showed me a plain with wild horses. There was the horse I had killed, alive and well, but it carried the scares from where my arrows pierced its side. All Lugh said to me was "beautiful aren't they?" All I could do was agree. Then I was in the forested hillside again. I Heard a harsh rasping whisper in my head to heal the horse. I said to the voice, that I couldn't that it was dead, I couldn't bring it back to life. The voice said that all things are possible in the other world and again it demanded of me to heal the horse. Standing as I was in the place from which I had shot the horse, I hiked back to where it had fallen. There it was. Dead. I was very upset and having to relive this thing I had done that I regretted was not any fun. I placed my hands upon the horse and told it I was sorry. I wished it alive again. Then it "melted" and skin-turned into a grey woman. That is how she appeared to me. Grey. A monotone gray with some shading to add little detail. The woman, the goddess, told me all was right. To remember that death is necessary for new life. That death is the door of transformation. As she spoke these words she seemed to float away and shrink. I asked if something, some one was going to die. The last response was that all would be made clear in the future, then she was gone.

My mind then wandered and when I "looked" around again I was in a grew void. I grew plain with whitish mist. I was lost and felt a tinge of panic raise within me. Then there was a nudge on my arm from behind. I turned, startled, and found stag there. I hugged his neck and the world formed to a part of the other world I was familiar with. A place I had been many times before. Stag told me it was time to return home and we walked the path back to the place that I can return to my body from. Thus I did.

So here I am writing this down. I have much to think on it would seem. After all I still am unclear as to the meanings of all this. I gather I am not supposed to understand it all now, but in time it will be made clear. I will trust in the spirits and shining ones. They seem to have lessons in store for me. At least I got to meet a new spirit. Was it Epona? Was it Rhiannon, Macha, Or Etain?
heh. More questions, answers to which I do not yet have.

Revelation about the Celtic gods

I was reading the OBOD material on the Lughnasah ritual the other day. Good stuff in there. One bit said that older scholars had considered Lugh to be a solar deity, but that more recent re-examination of his myths indicated that perhaps he was more a deity of oaths and laws. I thought about this and the more I thought about it, the more the idea seemed valid and fit in with his lore much better then as a solar deity. Let me point out some supporting evidence. 1. When Lugh's father was murdered and Lugh found out who the culprits where, he did not just go out and kill them but followed the law and found his revenge through the law and a blood price. In my mind oaths and law are closely related. 2. As a god of Oaths its important that Lugh be familier and better yet a master of every art, in which Oaths may be a part of it. 3. Lugh of the long arm my be in reference to the long length of most Oaths taken, as well as to his spear, which may be a subtle warning of the divine wrath should one break a vow. 4. It has often been said and generally accepted that the Fomorians, against whom Lugh is fighting represent not evil, but the forces of chaos and entropy. Oaths are a force for order and law. Then I started thinking that Lugh is the bright and shining example of manhood. It's not impossible for Oaths and Law to be in a "solar" realm. He is the "golden child" of the Tuatha De Danan. This then led me to thinking about the other Irish celtic deities. Which then led me to thinking why do we need to give them a set portfolio. It occured to me that what people are trying to do with the Celtic deities is to make them fit in nice neat boxes like they do/have done with the greek pantheon. Why? It seems to me that the Celts didn't see their gods like that. They didn't say Lugh is the sun god, Morigan is the goddess of death, the Dogda is the god of men with giant phallices! It has come to me that the Celtic deities are much more like "real" people. You can't just put them in catagorical boxes. Sure one god might have more of an aptitude for some things then another, but one could ask any of them for any thing. They are gods after all. Work with the gods that you have a relatioinship with. You wouldn't walk up to a stranger and ask them to help you find your lost cat. So in turn, is it fair to beseech Cernnernos "lord of the animals" to return your lost cat to you when you have never developed a relationship with him? (though arguable this is one way to start one isn't it.) It would make sense to ask aid from another deity to which you already have a relationship with, one who would be willing to help, such as Brigit, Lugh, Dagda, or even the Morrigan. Odds are they will help you in their own unique ways, but that's the differences in their personalities. Brigit would go looking for your cat, Lugh would protect your cat till it came home on its own, Dagda would give you a new cat, and the Morrigan might give you insight as to where you can find your cat for example. This isn't so much about what they are the god/goddess of, but rather just who they are and how they "think". Reading the mythos of Celtic deities is the beginning of learning about them. So get out there, pick up the stories and start to get to know them.

A gift for a gift

A week ago today, I left my hearth to take an 11 hour trip to spend a week with my kids and my mother. I have made the trip so many times in the past three years that I can pretty much do it in my sleep. It's long, its boring. However it does give one lots of time to think, and is a great opportunity to listen to Gwers both old and new. My Ex dropped the kids off at my mother's about five minuets after I arrived. This was the first time I had seen her since her coming after me for arrears and my wedding. She refused to look me in the eye, or even in my face, nor would she speak to me. I took this as shame and feeling uncomfortable on her part. She said her good buys to the kids and left, narry a word between us. When I opened the kids baggage a bit later, I quickly discerned that she had neglected to pack enough clothes for the kids, forcing me to have to do laundry, nor enough diapers for my son, again forcing me to have to buy some. Neither of these "games" got to me. I simply accepted the situation and moved on.
My time with my children was magical and wonderful in ways that only loving fathers can really appreciate but really can't be captured into words.
My time with my mother though pushed my buttons and really challenged me. I have much more work to do in that arena of my life.
I slept poorly the whole time I was up there. I am not sure why. Perhaps it's because of having my kids, or the memories that my old room brings back. Maybe it was the quiet of the area, or maybe because my wife wasn't there next to me. Maybe it was the absence of my father, or that I wasn't doing the CoP while I was there, but more then likely it was all of these things.
While I was up there, I stopped by my favorite Occult store. While there, the owner gifted a small stone turtle pendent to my daughter. It was spontanious and very kind. The next day, I took the kids out walking around the large property just exploring things. I wanted some time with the land, and to see what's changed. I miss the spirits of that place. On the walk, we found a spot where a Turkey vulture had met with it's fate and Natural Selection. We collected up many feathers. I then got some supplies from the craft store and turned the feathers into smudging fans. They came out very nice I must say. I will be gifting them to my friends. One fan my daughter and I took back to the Occult store and gave it to them. A gift for a gift.
So what does all this have to do with being a druid and my spiritual growth? I learned a lot about how far I have come in regards to my issues of my Ex and the resentment and anger that relationship dealt. I learned I have more work to be done in regards to my relationship with my mother. My time with my kids was good and magical and we feed each others souls.