Samhain again

What a day, what a night. It takes or rather, I put a lot of work into getting ready for the Sabbots I lead. This years Samhain ritual started Saturday at 10 pm but I started getting the house ready the Thursday before. A number of people from our pagan group showed up on Friday morning at 10 am to carve pumpkins, but by then I had already been to a school, bank, gas station, donut store, two rite aids two grocery stores, and a dollar tree. We madly carved 10 pumpkins 8 of which were done with pentacles and placed around where the circle would be for the celebration later that night. It was a lot of fun. Others helped me clean up and organize the yard.
After the pumpkin carvers left, I ran to Lowes to see if I could get some more Tiki torches. I couldn't find the cheaper bamboo ones I was looking for, so didn't get any. I did pick up some more firewood however. Came home and then took a bit of a nap. I was tired. I had been up late the night before (Friday night) attending the Samhain of a local witches coven here that I am friends with. It was a very windy ritual with gust as high as 50 mph. I couldn't help but think of the stories of the wild hunt. Glad I was in a protected circle. ;-)

After my nap I showed and dressed in my robes. It felt good to put them on again. Though I do meditation and energy magick daily, I only were my robes on sabbots and a few other occasions. By 9pm the house was bursting with people waiting for the ceremony to begin. The prominent sound was that of laughter and happy chatter. At 9:30 I and a fellow druid lit the torches and candles in the pumpkins. I hallowed the sacred flame and water, and using these hollowed the grounds where the ritual would take place. Because of the large number of attendees (about 25 people) my beloved and had chosen not to cast a circle. With that many people and a few children around it seems there is always the need for people to break the circle, also we were not doing energy raising or spell casting per say and didn't feel it was necessary. So we proceeded without.

After the hallowing of the grounds the ceremony began with my love asking the attendees to step out side. Once all had been gently herded out, the dancers performed a dance which represented the symbolic changing of the seasons ending with Samhain. It was beautifully done and I give my thanks to those lovely ladies for having the courage to do that. Once the dance was over, the attendees lined up and the smudging began. 23 or so people is a lot for one smudging line. Though it seemed to go fast enough, I think that having two smudgers and lines would have been a bit better. It did work just fine and the attendees were kept the talking to a minimum and were respectful.

The ritual went very well I believe. My b'loved wife took the role of high priestess and I have to say that we make a fantastic team. Despite all she's been through with her illness these past months, she danced, and her voice was strong and confident. I could really feel how the years of doing rituals together have really honed us into a powerful team. It's hard to measure the success of a ritual, but I have to say, when you have a number of people willing to speak aloud their remembrances of the dead and weep in front of 22 others in the process, not once, but person after person, you have done it right. Even I shed tears as I spoke of a child hood friend who died of cancer in 2007. I was not there for him in the end, and it's a regret that I have lived with for a long time. The priestess who married my wife and I, honored her ancestors with an old Celtic song. This brought some more tears. We had a Crone who spoke of her "bat crazy grandmother" which had us all chuckling with much needed laughter. Some people gave their hair as offering, other spat. It was a powerful time of no time.

Once all the offerings had been given, I led the gathered in a guided meditation with the hopes that they would be able to contact some of their ancestral spirits. During that time, I got images and the impression the my child hood friend has been reborn into the world again. Trusting in this, I feel as though a weight has been lifted off my spirit. As of this writing, no one else shared anything that happened to them in the meditation. After the meditation Robert, who I had asked to play the role of seer, set to work doing just that. Once again he did not disappoint. Once again the card drawn was pertinent and poignant to the ritual and time. So it was we know what our blessing would be. So it was that my b'loved wife and I blessed the waters of life and each member drank in the blessings of the ancestors. The ritual was closed in the usual wiccan ways (the ritual was a combination of wiccan elements and druid elements as our pagan group is made up of both).

The ritual was followed by the sharing of food and drink and much laughter. Robert gave a few individual readings. Slowly people trickled out and home, and my love and I crawled into bed around 2am, tired but satisfied, like the feeling you get after some really good sex.

As the wheel turns

As one turn of the wheel completes and another begins, I like to look back and review all that has happened, all that I have learned, experienced, and felt. The highs and the lows and everything in between. I have learned a lot this year. A lot about myself, alot about running a pagan spiritual group. I have learned a lot about anatomy and physiology as well as what it's going to take to become a nurse. I have learned a lot about service. Service to myself, to my b'loved, and service to my community. I have learned that joyful service is love manifest. I have learned much about Druidry, it's philosophy, history, and magic. I have learned about opening the gates that guard my heart and letting my love and joy shine through to the world and not be so guarded. I have invoked the two currents, keeper of the three cauldrons, sheath for the spear of fire, rider of the two dragons, and soon I shall be the seed of light.
Right now I am learning about perseverance in the face of obstacles. I am learning about compassion for types of people I have never had to deal with before. *on a side note, the person from an earlier blog who was creating drama, has really changed their course of late, a change for the better. I realize now their behavior was really stretching my ability to be compassionate. I find myself wishing now that I had been more compassionate. That I had been better able to realize what they were really trying to say.

In the coming year I will take all that I have and am learning and build upon them. I will grow in wisdom, power, and love. Or at least, that's the general idea. ;-)

Frustration

So a while back readers will recall that I passed my candidacy in AODA and given the green light to start my Druid apprentice level work....just as soon as I send in my $100.00 and receive the initiation ritual. No problem...if I had the money that is. I don't mean to complain, and I am not asking for a hand out, but I do feel the need to vent my frustration over this. I keep trying to find the extra money to send in, but it just isn't there. I keep trying to save my side massage money, but keep ending up having to use it for food, or gas. I just can't seem to get a little bit ahead. I am going without other things I want in hopes of getting the extra cash together, but it just doesn't seem to materialize. I am frustrated by it. I haven't spell cast for it yet. I guess I feel that I should be able to come up with the money without having to resort to that. I don't see it in the near future either. It's almost November, and before I know it, I'll have to find money to get or make presents for others. I know in the big scheme of things its a small thing. I have the reading list for the grade available and I have even started doing the work despite my lack of funds. It's just hard to be patient sometimes. I live a simple life, I don't ask for much, guess that's why it galls me so. To add fuel to the fire, yesterday I realized that I am coming to the end of the Bardic Grade in OBOD. I have really enjoyed all I have learned and the quality of the materials is second to none, but there is simply no way that I can afford to move on to the level of Ovate. I know it won't be like this forever, but for now the financial reality rubs the wrong way.

cool beans

The wife's surgery went exceedingly well. Better in fact then the Dr. had hoped. My b'loved is doing great and after a night in the hospital is now resting at home. We are now heading into the last surgical procedure and finally getting this over and done with.
My thanks to everyone who sent thier well wishes and prayers.

Back for another go

Tomorrow is a big day. Not only do I have my Microbilogy midterm, my beloved has to return to the hospital to once again allow the Dr.s another shot at removing gallstones from her common bile duct. this time they intend to go through the billiary drain they installed over a month ago. She will have to stay over night. We are both a little nervous, and I am so not looking forward to having to stay another night in the hospital. On Tuesday morning I have a 3 minuet speech in my death and dying class. I am nervous. Not about the classes. School is something I seem to have a nack for. I am nervous about how the operation is going to go. The last time they tried to take the stones out (via a different methed) She ended up with internal bleeding and passing out in my arms in the midddle of the night and prompting another emergency room visit and a several nights stay. I pray to the holy kindreds that they keep her and watch over her. That they guide the surgeons so that they get all the stones and do not do any more damage. Our enderance has been pushed and we just want this whole process to be over with. It's interfered with every aspect of our lives.

In the pagan meetup we discussed the ideas of "perfect love and perfect trust". It was a really good talk. One that I think I needed to hear more then any of the others in the group. When I started this group, I was very open and loving to all the people who came. In time as I came to realize some of those people were..well frankly, a pain in my ass and didn't contribute much to the group, that it became hard to have that sense of perfect love and perfect trust. The talk was a good reminder that I need to work on it.

Samhain

Samhain quickly approaches on the cold winds of October. A few days of refreshing rain have come and gone to this arid desert. The oak king as finally released his grasp of the wheel of the year. The changes of this time of year always quickened my blood when I lived in the northlands. My longing for the hunt would be palpable and I would suddenly get the anxiousness of that ADHD kid whacked out on Mt. Due until opening day finally arrived and with bow in hand I would set off on another year of adventure into the deer woods. I haven't picked up a bow in about year. I haven't hunted since longer then that. Not for a lack of want, but a lack of funds and time. College keeps me busy. Family keeps me busy.

Daily I continue my energy exercises. I have mastered the two dragons exercise. The finally energy exercise is the tree of light. I suspect after samhain I shall do the invoking of it for the first time. Once I am done with that I have picked up a new book of Druidic magick that I will start to study. This magick comes from Ian Corrigan (you can find his blog here http://intothemound.blogspot.com/ ) and his book Draiocht. This magick will proposes a system of spirit summoning and partnership. I have read the book once through, but have not yet started the magick exercises there in. I can see some correlation with Greers work, but there is also a lot of differences. I suspect it will be many moons before I am ready to even try the basics of spirit arte. I intend to keep my readers well informed of the progress right here on this blog.

The drama queen of the pagan group is acting up again. Once again she came to me and accused people of the group of banishing her and magically attacking her and trying to take her power. Though when she spoke with me she was careful not to drop any names. She went on about how she wants to come to the Samhain ritual, but was told by a Tarot reader that if she does they will magickaly attack her and take her power. That was Sunday. Monday, she sent me a message on FB that was a totally different story. Now it's some mysterious coven that's attacking her, oh and they are working against my wife too! making her sicker and sicker! and she knows all this how? oh that's not hard, she knows this because she's "the all knowing one of the group" and "she just knows these things" Need I go on?...no?...didn't think so. For the record, my wife is getting better, not worse. This woman has in the past year been magically attacked four times, yes, count them...four. First was the B.S. about the spirit that was suck on her by some young dark magi. Then there was the incident where she claimed another member of the group magickally attacked her in a sabbot circle. After that was some peace, then at the Pagan Pride day celebration she claimed to have been magically attacked again. Now this. Frankly, I am done with the B.S. I don't have the time in my life right now to deal with this. Also I feel that this woman is a threat to the well being of the group. I can see that deep down she's very lonely, and seeking attention, and validation, mostly she wants to be loved. Yet these behaviors and others that I have not discussed here are repulsive to people. Simply put, she's broken, and I am not the one to fix her. I have talked this over with a few others in the group and we all feel that it's best if she goes else where.

I have written the Samhain ritual for this year. I am mostly happy with it. Below I have posted the outline.
Samhain 2010

I. Preparation of ritual space
a. Set up Tiki Torches
b. Lights in trees and in harbor
c. Set up alter and decorations
d. Cleanse space with Holy water and sacred fire
II. Ritual
a. Opening
i. Smudge participants as they enter
ii. Opening words of welcome
1. Light fire
2. “By star and stone…”
3. Marluna’s words of welcome
iii. peace to the quarters
iv. Druids prayer
v. Quarter invocations
vi. Lord and Lady invocations
vii. Ancestor invocations

b. Ritual body
i. Ancestor Meditation and communion
ii. Offerings to ancestors
iii. Ancestor blessing invocation
iv. Divination of the blessing
v. Wine and cakes

c. Ritual Closing
i. Libation
ii. Farewell to ancestors
iii. Farewell to lord and lady
iv. Farewell to quarters
v. Closing words
1. from Derek
2. from Marluna
3. declare the rite ended.

III. h'ordeuvres and drinks

toung tied and twisted just an earth bound misfit I

"Learning To Fly"
by Pink Floyed

Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back
A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction is holding me fast,
How can I escape this irresistible grasp?

Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted, just an earth-bound misfit, I

Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought, I thought of everything
No navigator to find my way home
Unladened, empty and turned to stone
A soul in tension -- that's learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try

Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I

Above the planet on a wing and a prayer,
My grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air,
Across the clouds I see my shadow fly
Out of the corner of my watering eye
A dream unthreatened by the morning light
Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night

There's no sensation to compare with this
Suspended animation, a state of bliss

Can't keep my mind from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I


As I was driving to the book store today I heard this song on the radio. This is one of my all time favorite songs. It just calls to me and strums a cord deep within my being that I find hard to explain. I suppose it sums up nicely the feeling I have in my spiritual persuits. My body is earthbound, but my soul is learning to fly.

Today my wife had another minor operation. She's home resting now. She has a good bit of pain, but is handling it as best as she can. The operation was early this morning and I didn't get a chance to do my daily ritual or meditations. I did get a chance to review my Ogham while she was undergoing the procedure. I also got to hear the above song and it has renewed my spirits and helped to refocus my spiritual goals. Perhaps that is the retuning I was dreaming about. Also today, in talking with my friend I got clear on which path toward my career goals I want to take at the end of this semester. Another tuning up of sorts. Right now I am feel calm and peaceful.

I have been reading about the druid group getting cheritable status over in the UK. I for one think it's a very good thing.
May the blessings of the holy kindred be yours.

A gift for a gift

This morning I did my CoP and the rising dragon exercises as normal. In the time that I would normally meditate I found myself in need of divine guidance. In the past I would have done a spirit-walk or deep meditation, but on this day I simply didn't have the time. So I made prayers. Each morning I give the gift of incense to the holy kindred. Most times I don't ask for anything in return, but this morning I did. I asked for steps to be taken on behalf of my wife's health so that what surgical procedure she needs next would be manifest. It will be done this Thursday. I asked that the path in regards to my educational steps be made clear after this semester. That I be given a sign of where I am supposed to be. I invoked these things as a gift for a gift. Gifts have been given and received.

Last night I had another dream. I dreamed that I was learning to play a Mandolin. (sp?) or maybe it was a Lute. Not sure. I don't know how to play a single instrument other then a drum or a degree do (Sp?). Neither of them am I particularly good at. I can't even read music. Recently I have been wanting to learn to play a harp. I am in love with the music it makes. Sorry I digressed. The key feature of the dream is that the string were very loose and I had to tighten them back up to bring the Lute back into tune. It wasn't easy and when I thought I had them tight enough, I came to discover that in fact I did not. Eventually I did get them in tune and I was able to create beautiful music as if it just sprang from my heart to my fingertips. Perhaps I am being told that my life is out of tune in some way. That I need to work to get it into tune and when I do the music of my heart will leap to my finger tips.