Sit back and watch her flail

So it's been a couple months since my ex has done anything to try and "get to me". which means it should come as no surprise that she drop the shoe today. I have been in negotiation with her to have my kids stay with me for a couple weeks. When all is lined up, she decides to tell me that she refuses to send any clothes with them, and that I'll have to provide clothes myself. In the past, I am sure this tactic would have upset me emotionally. Today, after years of learning, and many hours of druidic mental training it doesn't. In fact I have no reaction to it all except for a mild "bemusement". After all this time she still flails in her anger and rage to try and lash out at me in passive aggressive ways.

It's sad really. I see her filled with such venom and anger and hate and poison. She doesn't even see it. She thinks she's better then most everyone else. She doesn't understand that she's filled with hate and anger. Thus, she'll never get better. She'll always push people away, live in loneliness and darkness and void of love and friendship. Yes very sad. Perhaps some day she'll wake up and see the nothingness, but I am not holding my breath.

I am writing about all this not to "bag" on the ex, but to point out to my dear readers that I believe my daily meditations, and spiritual work and awakenings I have had upon the druid path that have gotten me to the point where the ex's antics no longer effect me on an emotional level. At least not today. This is no more then a last minuet logistics problem to solve. The solution has come in waves of love and giving from my pagan "Framily". A simple post on good old FaceBook and those that have extra clothes or hand me downs are offering their aid. I suspect we'll have more then we need.

So, reader, if your struggling with a person or an issue, I will tell you, keep up the path. Do the daily meditations and devotionals. Learn to spirit-walk, and in time you will see your way clear of the emotional upheavals. You will see the "big Picture" and the small stuff won't throw you. Let go of your anger and hurt, and let the love of the gods, spirits, and mighty dead come flooding in. Then you can sit back and watch 'em flail.

Meditation journal #12

Nothing major to report. I have been doing my daily devotions and two power meditations with regularity. The words flow, as does the water and fire. It continues to be an important part of my day, and helps me feel empowered and balanced. Really what more can a person ask for? I haven't done any major magical workings for a while now. I am planning one for this Thursday. A druid only solstice ritual, and as part of that I will be doing a magickal working on a cord I made for a friends handfasting. I mention this because it is during magical workings that I make use of the two powers. The daily meditations help me learn to store it in the three cauldrons and channel it for use during magick. I will see if I get the sense that I have more control and amounts of the two powers to use in the working.

Integrity

“Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.”

W. Clement Stone



Upon my desk is plaque that reads “There is no substitute for integrity. It will guide every journey to high places.” It was a gift from a couple for my birthday last year. They are no longer a couple however, it would seem one of them was not able to fully understand the message. Their behavior has seriously damaged their reputation in the pagan community and drastically altered how people behave toward them. They are no longer perceived as having integrity. Integrity is the most important of the virtues as a social function. It seems to me that people are often willing to forgive a lack or temporary lack of any of the other virtues. Not integrity though. One “slip” of integrity and you may be marked for years as not being honorable or trustworthy. People will shun the person perceived as lacking. I have seen it happen time and again.

ADF defines Integrity as "Honor; being trustworthy to oneself and to others, involving oath-keeping, honesty, fairness, respect, self-confidence." I find this to be an excellent definition. Integrity is Honor. There is a concept our culture has lost sight of in so many ways. Integrity is more than just keeping your word to others though. It is perhaps more importantly keeping trust with one’s self. Keeping oath’s not for outward appearances but for our self’s well being. Integrity is a key stone to true self-confidence. It forms a foundation upon which self-confidence can rest comfortably. Without that foundation then one’s self-confidence can be easily toppled and crushed. What the Chinese would call a “paper tiger”. It looks fierce but has no real substance. This country is full of them.

I find my integrity challenged almost daily; especially at my job. I work in a convalescent hospital, most of the patients are elderly with various stages of dementia. Sadly because we are asked to take care of so many patients we are sometimes forced to cut corners to keep on schedule. Little things, like not brushing their teeth before bed, or that they don’t get the option to shower ever day, but only once every three days; that they are being crammed three to a room that was designed to only hold two. We CNAs do the very best care we can, but it’s a constant balancing act between what we want and need to do vs. the amount of time we have before we have to go off shift. I find this a constant struggle as it is often tempting to cut more and more corners to save time, to make the job easier. We are often alone in the room with the patient, who would know? I would know, and doing the job knowing I didn’t do my best would undermine my self-confidence and self esteem. It would leave me feeling sick in my stomach.

As I was thinking about integrity, and wondering if I had it, I reached in my wallet and pulled out the money a friend gave me for the Druidpaloza camp out. It occurred to me that he never even blinked an eye at giving me the money. He trusted me completely knowing that I would do the right thing with the money. In that moment I realized that I did have integrity, and at least the people who trusted me with their money think so.

Summer solstice:the hight of power

A summer! How I love the warmth; the constant sunny days. How I love the tick-tick-tick sound of the sprinklers in the evening, and the lazy drone of bee's. Granted the summers here can get pretty darn hot, I still love it.

Soon it will be the Summer Solstice, and with it a ritual that celebrates the sun at the height of it's power and also the loss of that power. Though we celebrate the longest day of the year, from that point on the nights grow longer.

The Welsh have the tradition of the twin brothers, the oak king and the holly king, who do battle at each of the solstices. At the summer solstice the Holly king challenges the Oak king and wins. At the winter solstice the oak king will challenge the holly king and the cycle continues. Desert sage protogrove will be sharing the summer solstice with the local eclectic pagan group. As part of our ritual we shall have a mock battle between the oak king and holly king. With this comes several lessons. First that the act of attaining the height of power also plants the seed for its demise or decline. All things have their natural waxing and waining. We should keep in mind if a spiritual being as powerful as the sun can't maintain the height of his power, how then can we expect ourselves to always be at the height of power? How can we expect nations or governments? The virtuous recognize this, and realize that to fight it is painful, costly, and ultimately futile. The virtuous also realize that which declines will also one day rise up again.

The solstices also teach us that there is a need for balance in nature and in our lives. The summer is a time of great activity. Whether we are living in the city or on the farm, we find our lives busy doing doing doing! This is as it should be. But come winter it will be time to rest. A time for stillness. So many people don't pace their lives this way however. They are busy in the summer, and just as busy in the winter. This is one of the great ways that we modern humans are so out of touch with natural rhythms of life.

I will step into ritual. I shall hail the sun and drink the mead, I shall pound my drum and watch the ritual battle that we all know can end in only one way. I shall smile and dance and rejoice; all the while I will remember the wheel of the year is turning, and the harvest is fast approaching.

Vision

“Vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others.”
Jonathan Swift


Vision is one of the nine ADF virtues. It is defined as “The ability to broaden one's perspective to have a greater understanding of our place/role in the cosmos, relating to the past, present, and future.” I think that not many people would consider vision to be a virtue. I know I never certainly considered it one, even though I have it. The more I think about it though; I see what a blessing it is. Perhaps since it has always come easily to me that I have taken it for granted. It is especially important that ADF, as a relatively new religious organization, cultivate vision in its leaders so that we will have a direction in which to strive, a goal. No matter how much courage, perseverance ect. A person or group has, without vision they will not know where they are going or why. They will end up going in circles. With vision however, so much can be accomplished. It was vision that built the United States as a democratic state. It was vision that built the dolman and Stonehenge.

Vision isn’t just about seeing potential external things. It is also about seeing within oneself. To broaden one’s perspective about themselves is a very powerful thing. I was a massage therapist for so long; it was how I identified myself. When I had to close up my business and I lost that identity necessity forced me to broaden my view of myself. It was not an easy process, but in the end I have come to see that I am so much more then what I do for a living. Vision of ourselves is also about knowing our past, understanding our present, and creating our future. The choices we made in the past put us where we are now. Without vision we will not understand that simple truth, without vision we will not be able to take charge of our lives and make the decisions that will lead us to make our vision a reality. Vision is a virtue. It is vision that leads people to greatness. Whether that’s building a beautiful neo-pagan temple or getting clean and sober.

Desert sage protogrove: the beggining

Myself and two other men in the area have decided to form an ADF protogrove. We have met together twice now, and we have decided to go with an Irish celt pantheon and hearth culture, and the name will be Desert Sage Protogrove. After much discussion and thought, we feel that this plant is the best Representative for the Ecology in which we live and practice our Druidry. The word sage also speaks to us of a person who is wise and kind, some thing the three of us are striving to become. Currently we are planning to do a summer solstice ritual for just the three of us, and a trip to San Diago with coast oak grove at the end of July.

Reaching the Mountain

Years ago, when I was a boy on the thresh hold of man hood, I stood in a line of other men and woman, sweat dripping down my face, praying it wouldn't go into my eyes as wiping away the sting was NOT an option. My Dobahk clung to me soaked through with sweat and a little blood. My legs shaked with exhaustion, I felt nausea creeping up on me, though I hadn't eaten since early that morning. None of this really bothered me. Though I was facing ahead my attention was on the master who came down the line handing out the black belts we had just earned. He took his time, pleasantly smiling and congratulating those who passed. When it was my turn I'll never forget the words he said to me. After six years of hard work. Six years of sacrifice I was finally going to get my black belt. I felt on top of the world, and what did the master say to me? Why, he looked at me and said, "You have now made it to the base of the mountain, it's time to start to climb."

After the failure of my massage practice, I went back to school with the goal of getting into the nursing program. It has taken me two years, and I have had to over come so many obstacles. Money issues, angry and vengeful ex-wife, poor advice from counselors, not to mention the usual classes, and finally getting a full ride scholarship into the nursing program from a local hospital. Today was the last obstacle, I took and passed the entrance exam. It is official, I am in the nursing program. Once again, after years of struggle, I find myself at the foot of the mountain. I didn't get here alone. It has taken the support of my b'loved water witch, and more friends then I can name. I have a hard climb ahead of me, but I know with the help of my family, the kindreds and patrons, I will, in another two years be once again on top of the mountain and from the top I shall shout my victory cry! In the names' of Bridgit and Lugh, Let the climb begin!