"Stopping the hunt" A spirit walk

It has been far to long I considered as I found myself stepping out of my body into my little valley of the spirit world.  I walked down the hill the green grass still wet with dew, the path the same I have walked many times before.  At the base of the hill I crossed the bridge over the stream and went on to the ring of standing stones that marked the temple.  The usual central fire was not blazing but instead was merely smoldering.  The ancient wise who normally is there was not.  I looked about.  I called for my guide the stag, but he too did not respond.  Not sure what to do, I walked to where the stream opened up into a small pond near the temple.  I squatted along the shore looking deeply into the water and for a brief moment caught sight of a salmon, which upon making eke contact with me quickly darted to the black depths.  I was very alone.  I placed my finger tips onto the water and felt the cold.  I stood, walked back to the ring of stones, the fall leaves crunching under foot.  Once there, I stood caught in the stillness, only to have it shattered a moment later by the flutter of wings and the landing of a large raven across the way from me.  I greeted the bird, only to have it skin-turn.  There before stood the Morrigan.  I gave her a very respect full greeting.  It was returned and she proceeded to tell me that this was her season, that she had taken the throne.  She also told me that stag was not there for at this moment, he was being hunted.  I was taken aback at the news, but before I could think overly much I found myself racing into the woods to save him.  I couldn't help but notice the irony of it all considering that I myself have been the hunter of several deer.  After a short distance I realized that I had no idea where he was, or where to find him.  Then the raven flew ahead of me, and I some how knew to follow, so I did.  The Morrigan lead me to where I could find my old friend and I was able to stop the hunters.  Then the Morrigan again appeared to me as a woman and she said unto me "you have saved him from death this time, but you can not always save your friends".  With that she again turned to the raven and flew away.  I watched her go, my fingers gently combing through the stags fur, and considered her message and the lesson in all this.  Once she was gone a globe of brightness appeared before me and the stag and it coalessed into Lugh.  We spoke but a little about recent events in my life and about my challenges in nursing school. He was very supportive and assured me that I would get through it, but had to keep studying hard.  He reminded me that "you are the light bringer".  With that he told me it was time to return.  I mounted stag, and he took me back to the gateway.  I dismounted and hugged stag and spoke with him for a time to reconnect.  Then I said goodbye and stepped back through the gate.  Looking down at my self sitting before my shrine, I stepped into my body, sat down, and closing my spirit walk, opened my eyes.

feeling the distance

As fall begins to settle over the dry land, I feel the parched distance in my soul. I am too long away from the temple of the trees and the pews of the grass.  My feel the call of the wild deep within me, like a primal urge.  Yet I never seem to be able to make the time in my craze to succeed in school.  Constantly studying, slouched over a desk, lost in the deep learning of the medical texts.  Pages upon pages of all that can go wrong in these amazing bodies we call home, with periodic pictures of pain and suffering.  I ache to be free again.  Free of responsibility, free of deadlines, free of the everyday testing of how much information I have been able to slam into my long term memory in a mere twenty four hours.  I long to run my hands across the rough bark of the cottonwoods and chat with their old spirits in the language of energy traded.  I wish to sit and listen to the babbling of Po-Sun-Co-La as the sun twinkles off her sparkly ever flowing cloak....

Nursing school...not for the weak of mind

This blog has been silent for a long time.  I started this blog as a place to publicly share my experiences with Druidry and as a journal for my inner journey on this path.  As readers will know, I am currently in a nursing school, and this is taking not only all my time, but everything I can through at it mentally, physically, and spiritually.  It is my spirituality and faith in the holy kindred that get me through day to day.  I have done some difficult things in my time, but Nursing school tops them all. I have gone from a straight “A” student with time left over to run a pagan spiritual meetup weekly, my local grove and leading the high day rites, to studying 6 hours a day for a test only to get a “B”.   I have had to cancel the last high day right and have no plans to lead another until the winter solstice when I am on break from classes.  What I am doing is my daily meditation and daily offerings to the kindred.  I am also struggling with one of my instructors, it would seem she hasn’t taken much a like to me and on the last major paper appeared to actively be trying to find reasons to fail me on it (which she did.).  I also am beginning to suspect that some of the “vibe” I am picking up from her is religious in nature.  I suspect she has at some level an issue  with my being pagan. Thus I responded with a small bit of magic of my own in the hopes she will see me in a better light.  My studies on my clergy training have been put on hold for the time being, but I am only one essay away from finishing my preliminary work.   I plan to finish this up over the winter break.  I haven’t made the time to do any major workings or spirit-walks of late.  This is something I hope to change over the coming break as well.  I miss my weekly meetings, and I miss leading the high day rites.  I never realized till now how much I enjoyed it all, until I couldn’t make the time. 

A little update as to what else I have been up to

             Well I have started my 3^rd semester of nursing school, and I get the sense that It’s not going to be near as crazy stressful as last semester.  However this does mean that my posts will be sporadic at best.  I have not been idle over the summer however, when it comes to my studies in Druidry and working toward my Ordination.  I spent the summer working hard on ADF’s Preliminary clergy training program.  This has Included classes on Law regarding religious organizations, cosmology, liturgy, the structure of ADF, and Indo-European studies.  I have finished them all except for Indo-European Mythology.  I am currently doing the reading for this meaty topic.  I had hoped and tried to finish the whole training before school started, but that just didn’t happen.  I will now read and write as school allows, but school is my main priority. 

                After many years of looking I think I may have found an acceptable spot that Cottonwood River can use to hold rituals in a natural setting.  A county park, that we can reserve that has a fire ring.  It’s $50.00 for a day use.  I am going to send in the paperwork today and we’ll see.  The ritual will be on September 15^th this year.  I would have preferred the 22^nd, however that is the date of our local Pagan Pride, and I did not want the two to clash.  It is a small community of pagans after all, and they can’t be in two places at once.   I asked for some input for a theme from the other members of the Protogrove, but didn’t get any response.  There is always the old standby of a thanksgiving, but after years of that, I was hoping to see if there was some other similar but a little different we could use.  I will keep tumbling it around in my head, maybe bounce it off a few others and see what ideas shake loose. 

...and it's good!

Those who follow this blog will know that earlier this summer I did a working for the vow breaker.  This working entailed three main points.  The magico-religious dissolution of her marriage, offerings to the kindred to make amends for her breaking of the vows, and a cleansing to banish the evil spirit my guides showed to me that was about her.  In nursing we are taught that whenever we do an intervention we must then return to evaluate the effectiveness of the intervention.  What follows is my evaluation of the interventions used. 

                When I met the woman a few days after the ritual she went on for some length about how much better she immediately felt after the ritual.  She used words such as “happier” “lighter” “free”.  She was smiling and in good spirits.  It was at this time I choose to reveal to her all of what had been shown to me in the way of the spider headed malicious spirit.  I also explained my reasons for not telling her all I had known before this time.  She indicated that she understood and appreciated my tact.  I have not spoken to any others of the it except here on my blog. 

                Two weeks or so after the ritual the client went to places of business looking for a job, to replace the one she suddenly and unexpectedly lost, and in one day not only had in interview but was hired on the spot.  This was a blessing but also prevented her from joining the community at our Lughnasadh ritual. 

                I recently had lunch with the client and she is still doing well.  She is now looking for her own place to live with her son, and working hard on her spiritual self as well.  This young lady has done more soul searching in the past two months than a lot of people do in their whole life.  She has started dating the man with whom she had the affair and it is my sense that they are perhaps a very good match.  At least for now they are happy and working to have a healthy relationship. 

As it is with such things, I don’t know if I can ever know how much of her successes is due to the working we did.  I do believe however that it was a very positive event and helped her in many ways. 

Lughnasadh 2012

                I have been back from our Lughnasadh campout and ritual for a few days now.  I have had time to unpack and let the events settle.  Lughnasadh for me started on Wednesday as I pulled up to the last available camping site along the river Po-Sun-Co-La at 8:00am.  I unpacked and registered with the rangers when they finally came around many hours later.  Why so many days early?  Well there are no reservations at this site and if someone doesn’t take the spot by Wednesday, there won’t be any spots at all for the weekend ritual.  As it was the entire 50 campsites were taken by Wednesday afternoon.   I spent most of Wednesday studying Pharmacology, and watching dragonflies do their dance for me.   On Thursday evening a new comer to our pagan community joined me, as well as one of my Grove mates.  By this point of being alone for almost two days I was ready for some company. I really enjoyed getting to know the new member.  He is friendly, open, honest, very energetic and always there to lend a hand.     As part of the camp and celebrations I used a large extra tent I had and created a shrine and alter in it for a spear I made that was to represent the spear of Lugh, the Gae Assail.  I placed cloth strips in a bowl and a pen on the altar so that people could write out prayers and tie them on to the spear.  These were later placed in the fire during the main ritual. 

                On Friday evening I held a Sumbel.  Not very many people attended this, but it was a lot of fun and very intimate for those of us who did show.  We were given homemade mead from the husband of the kitchen-witch, and it was the best Mead I have ever tasted!  We all loved it and it made the experience that much better. 

                Saturday was the main ritual.  People started showing up at the camp site a little after noon.  The ritual wasn’t until 7:00pm.  We had games planned, but honestly it was so hot that most people just wanted to sit around in the shade and talk and eat, and drink tea or water.  Right before I started ritual, I was told of a beloved member of the pagan community who had fallen very ill.  With some quick discussion it was decided that a healing would be included in the ritual.  The ritual went very well and everyone participated with the call and response and giving of offerings.  I got to recite the story of the second battle and why we celebrate Lughnasadh.  I feel that I did a pretty good job of it.  Interestingly, as I was telling it, I found myself talking on a slight Irish accent.  I wasn’t doing it on purpose, and then I found a style of speech coming out that wasn’t mine.  I could help but wonder if I was channeling the way in which I was telling the story from some ancestor.  It was a fun if peculiar sensation.  As we did last year we make an offering to the River on which we live.  We do this for several reasons. One as a way to say thanks, and to build a friendly relationship, another is the hope that if we do, she won’t take as many lives in the year.  Last year the river claimed eleven lives.   Just after the impromptu healing we did for the sick community member, she suddenly showed up!   We were all overjoyed to see her, wheel chair and all. 

                After the main ritual, we held our first Bardic competition.  Each contestant had to sing, or recite a poem or story.  We had several of each and it was a lot of fun.  I am sure this will happen again!  All in all I think everyone had a great time this year.  A few people went home with headaches from the heat and humidity.  I can’t help but feel honored that so many people are willing to come to my rituals year after year and suffer the intense heat to do so.  I guess I am doing something right.  

Cutting the ties that bind

Tonight I performed the ritual for the vow breaking woman.  The ritual went smoothly and as planned.  I didn’t leave out any parts of it and I feel that it was a truly powerful ritual.  When I called up on the gods, the wind picked up and the energy of the grove changed palpably.  Later when they were thanked, you could feel the energy change again to what it was before.  The woman shed silent tears as I bound her hands in the hand fasting cord that had been used in the hand-fasting to her husband, that was then cut.  I held the cut cord up and asked her if she wanted me to place it in the fire or do it herself.  I was pleased when she wanted to do it herself and she did.  Having not only been at the hand-fasting, but hosting it in my home, it was a poignant moment for me as well.  Another poignant moment was the taken of the Oman.  I used my Ogham and asked the big question, “are these sacrifices accepted?”.  This was gut wrenching moment for me, as the woman has made some pretty big sacrifices already and I did not want to have the holy kindred reject them.  Gladly they did not. The omen was very positive.  Once all was done, I guided the woman on a journey to speak with the kindred.  She shared a little bit of that with me, but that is not my story to tell.  I never told her or any one other then the readers of this blog about what I saw two weeks ago in regards to the spirit that was around her.  However, when the ritual was done and she was getting ready to leave she stopped and said “ya know, I already feel better now than when I came.”  I am taking this as a strong affirmation that my magical working has banished the spirit from her.  My hope is now her luck will change, and she can move forward with her life, learning what she needs to learn to find her power, and gaining in wisdom.  Time will tell, for all answers are told in time.