Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Woah! what a trip its been!
I have worked half this hard in school and gotten straight A’s, but now I am in Nursing school, the rules have changed and the gloves have come off. I have sacrificed my social life, my family time, my position as president of the local pagan meetup, and Cottonwood protogrove is limping along at best. All this and I am excited to have gotten solid B’s in all my classes and passed on to the next semester. In this processes my ego has taken some blows, but nothing has brought me to tears like some of my classmates. I have seen a lot of hardworking, intelligent people drop or fail the program. During these trials I have often invoked the help of my ancestors, land spirits, and the gods. I find that most often I am calling on my ancestors to help me through. I think this is for several reasons. First it is the ancestor fetish that I created as my last major magical working. Through this I am able to contact them directly. As of yet I have not done the work to gain the aid of any other Nature Spirits other then my totem the stag. I also call on my ancestors to help me with nursing school because many of them were nurses. Others were pharmacists and physicians. They really understand what I am going through. My work with them has ranged from simple prayers and offerings, to direct communications. My idea of direct communion happens when I open the gates, give my offerings and place my hand on the fetish. I call to my ancestors and ask questions. Sometimes I get a simple feeling in the hand in arm, other times I hear words or phrases in the back o f my mind, or images or just a knowing of something. One example was that I got a knowing of specifically at topics were going to be asked and what I needed to study. A couple times I was “told” to relax, that I had done the work and would do well on the test. Never was I given the answers to the questions…despite my asking. I did not give offerings or communicate with the ancestors on every test or quiz. What I noticed over these past two semesters is that on the tests where I sought out the help of the ancestors beforehand there was consistently a 6% increase in my test score over the days I did not seek their aid.
The Protogrove got off to a really good start, but then we recently lost two of our four members (counting myself) at the same time for different reasons. The timing was also very bad as I was closing in on the end of the semester. I ended up doing the public spring equinox ritual solo, and Beltaine did not happen. However I was able to do a really good talk about dealing with grief and loss from a pagan perspective. Also before the loss of membership the grove gave a good talk on Indo-European Cosmology and why we set it up in ADF as we do.
As for other magical workings, the only really noteworthy experiences I have had are when I went to Oregon to help my parents out in when their alcohol addiction got the better of them and my mother ended up falling down drunk and breaking the tip of her acromion and both arms (not sure which bones exactly). Before I left for Oregon I did a full rite blessing. I really felt the blessings of Lugh come over me, and I got the phrase “you are the light bringer”. When I arrived at my childhood home, I went to the river and there I gave offerings and sought welcome from the land spirits. At the end of the short right a salmon jumped and damn near splashed me, this an a deep area of the river where salmon rarely jump as there is no need. While there to add insult to injury my Dad’s beloved black lab and hunting partner died suddenly and unexpectedly. What was more surprising my father, asked me to say prayers over her. I think he asked this because he was and still is, struggling emotionally and spiritually and didn’t have it in him. So I took up my crane bag, went out to the dog, which he had laid in the back of the pickup and I placed a hand on her lifeless shoulder. I spoke my prayer and asked Cernunnos, as the lord of beasts and a chthonic deity to take her and let her join in his wild hunt. It felt very right. I burned offerings for both the dog and Cernunnos. On the day that I had to leave, I went again to the river, as I had every day since coming there, and I asked for a spirit of the land to watch over my father and mother and to help them heal. I left an offering of a semi-precious stone in return for this. I closed the rite and began my walk up the bank and back to the house a caught the glimps of a black shadow in the shape of a man, but with no details. I did not get a sense of maleficence, and so took this to be a sign that a spirit has taken me up on my request. The end result, is simply that my mother is healing well and has stayed away from the alcohol. My father has sunk deeper into his depression and his drinking worsened. I think however this was necessary as all his life he has resisted treatment or the idea that he is an alcoholic. It finally got so bad he could no longer deny it and has gone to a long term treatment facility. I think this time he has gone for himself. As a healer I know that at times things have to get worse, a healing crisis of sorts, before the bodies healing mechanisms really kick in. I pray it’s similar to what my father has had to go through.
So what have I been up to since school got out? Well not much magically. I am still meditating every day and working on my clergy training. I am doing Ogham castings for free so that I might practice. I am also planning more protogrove meetings trying to get things back on track for that. I’ll be teaching a spell-crafting class on June 16th and also the Protogrove will be hosting a public summer solstice rite on the 16th. I am already looking at options for Lughnasadh. I am going to an ADF druid get together called 8 winds at the end of June and I am really excited about it. I am making plans to do further work from Ian Corrigans summoning book and to find some allies from among the Sidhe. Oh! and I almost forgot one other “working” I did. Once again my ex has decided to try and rob me of my right to claim my daughter as a dependent on my tax return as per our divorce agreement. I gathered all my evidence and sent it in to the IRS and then asked stag to find a fitting spirit to go and help influence things to go my way. Not sure if it made a difference one way or another, but I should be receiving the rest of my tax return next week. Now if I can just prevent this from happening next year…