A week ago today, I left my hearth to take an 11 hour trip to spend a week with my kids and my mother. I have made the trip so many times in the past three years that I can pretty much do it in my sleep. It's long, its boring. However it does give one lots of time to think, and is a great opportunity to listen to Gwers both old and new. My Ex dropped the kids off at my mother's about five minuets after I arrived. This was the first time I had seen her since her coming after me for arrears and my wedding. She refused to look me in the eye, or even in my face, nor would she speak to me. I took this as shame and feeling uncomfortable on her part. She said her good buys to the kids and left, narry a word between us. When I opened the kids baggage a bit later, I quickly discerned that she had neglected to pack enough clothes for the kids, forcing me to have to do laundry, nor enough diapers for my son, again forcing me to have to buy some. Neither of these "games" got to me. I simply accepted the situation and moved on.
My time with my children was magical and wonderful in ways that only loving fathers can really appreciate but really can't be captured into words.
My time with my mother though pushed my buttons and really challenged me. I have much more work to do in that arena of my life.
I slept poorly the whole time I was up there. I am not sure why. Perhaps it's because of having my kids, or the memories that my old room brings back. Maybe it was the quiet of the area, or maybe because my wife wasn't there next to me. Maybe it was the absence of my father, or that I wasn't doing the CoP while I was there, but more then likely it was all of these things.
While I was up there, I stopped by my favorite Occult store. While there, the owner gifted a small stone turtle pendent to my daughter. It was spontanious and very kind. The next day, I took the kids out walking around the large property just exploring things. I wanted some time with the land, and to see what's changed. I miss the spirits of that place. On the walk, we found a spot where a Turkey vulture had met with it's fate and Natural Selection. We collected up many feathers. I then got some supplies from the craft store and turned the feathers into smudging fans. They came out very nice I must say. I will be gifting them to my friends. One fan my daughter and I took back to the Occult store and gave it to them. A gift for a gift.
So what does all this have to do with being a druid and my spiritual growth? I learned a lot about how far I have come in regards to my issues of my Ex and the resentment and anger that relationship dealt. I learned I have more work to be done in regards to my relationship with my mother. My time with my kids was good and magical and we feed each others souls.