As part of my Dedicant path, I am asked to visit a nature spot and spend some time there. I have chosen a place near my home called Heart Park. It's a large place, and has a river that runs through it. It also has several man made ponds. The park is interesting in that it runs from manicured to wild depending on which part you are in. I of course prefer to spend my time in the wild sections. The park is home to a number of trees, none of which I suspect are native. Still I have seen Vally Oak, Scrub Oak, Sycamore, and several I haven't identified yet. Near the river there are Reeds, and Cattails. The park is home to wild ducks and geese, the last survivors of what used to be this continents largest marshland, but has since been dried up and used for commercial farming. The park also hosts turtles, rabbits, peacocks (not native of course), Harris and Red tailed hawks, and on occasion the mighty Golden Eagle. I have seen sign of Coyote and Raccoons as well, but never the critters themselves. There are many other critters such as skunks I imagine, and I know there is a pack of feral cats as well.
Like most druids I enjoy spending time in wild places. It feels like home, brings me a sense of peace. I like to say that I just "get" nature. I understand it at a gut level that I can't explain. I don't get urbanization like that though. I feel much more comfortable sitting along on a log in the woods, then I do sitting alone on a park bench waiting at a bus stop. In the woods there is a deep sense of harmony, and that brings me to peace within.
Today however was different. Today I went to the woods seeking to find peace from the turmoil within. I tried to deny it all day. I tried not to feel it, tried to pretend it wasn't there. None of that worked. See, today is my little girls seventh birthday, except she's over six hundred miles away, and I am not sure when I'll get to see her next. Her mother refuses to drive half way to meet me, and with a new job starting soon, I am not sure if I can take off a week to come see my kids any time soon. I am sure she's having a great day and I know she has a birthday party planned this weekend. It just saddens me that I can't be there. I thought some time in my nature spot would help, but it didn't. While I was in my nature spot, I found a decent oak branch to make another staff out of. It's some thing I enjoy doing. But not today. Today I just ran through the motions feeling empty inside. Once I got home I bounced through a number of different things that normally bring me joy, but nothing did today. I have come to accept that for today, I am going to be sad and a bit empty and lonely. Tomorrow will be better I suspect.