Flaming bag of dog pooh!

"What the hell have I just stepped in?!" Thi is what I am asking myself as of this week. I am miserable at this new job, and it's not the work, it's the place. It has taken me a few days to figure this out. For a while I wasn't sure if my growing disdain for going to work, the kind that causes my guts to twist up when I start getting ready, was from the work or the place. I now have total clearity on that. I did not want to work nor need to work full time at this place. Yet here I am working full time without the benefits. CNA's and other support staff are quiting. The state and fedral assessors are coming in again because the building failed its survay earlier this year. First they don't call me in to work when I was avialable making others work double shifts and now they try to schedual me on my days off without a word to me or bothering to ask. I only found out because another co-worker mentioned that I was on the schedual for my day off a few minuiets before I clocked off and went home. I was pissed. I left messages and NO I didn't work. I am here writing this blog. =>

I love taking care of people, especially the elderly. I find joy in making thier beds, giving them showers, helping them eat, even the butt wiping doesn't bother me. What bothers me is this: The company won't or can't put enough CNA's on a shift so that we can give complete care at the residents pace. Let me try and break this down further. I was given the care of 10 residents, 8 of those were what we call "total care" that means they can't do anything for themselves. Not eating, dressing, moving, toileting, getting out of a chair to the bed...nothing. Of those 8 total care 7 of them were in advanced stages of dementia. This means they never remmber me, where they are or what I am doing. They fight the care I am trying to give them because they can no longer understand. Some times I have to get help just to have some one hold their hands so I can get a new brief (diaper) on them. Because of the schedual I have to get them all ready for bed in 2 1/2 hours. OH and then I get to chart about the days activities. There were 4 other CNA's shift last night, their loads were not better, some maybe worse. If I were to give all 10 residents an equal amount of time, I have 13minuetes and 80 secends per resident to get ready for bed. How long does it take you to get ready for bed? Oh sure you can probably do it in that time, I can too, but do you? How long would you take if you are old and sore, sickly and don't move fast? Now imagine you can't go to the bathroom on your own and have to have some one do that for you as well as pick clothes, put clothes away etc. Thirteen minuetes isn't near long enough. Thus with no other option we cut corners. No one gets thier teeth brushed at night, probably not during the day either. No one gets to wash thier face or hands (unless they were digging in their pooh.) Some of the residents require mechanical lifts to get into and out of bed. Great, takes longer. Even longer when the damn things don't work right.

So my frustration is that there are to many residents and not enough CNA's to be able to give the care these folk deserve. Every day I leave feeling drained, exhausted because I have busted my ass, and yet I feel a failure. Add on top of that a D.S.D who is imcompitent and administration that only wants to make as much profit as possible by keeping employees over worked and residents with the bare minnimum care.

So what does all this have to do with spiritiuality? I have done a lot of meditation, today I go clear that it wasn't the care giving I didn't like. I love it. It brings joy to my heart...when I can do it RIGHT. It's the conditions I am being forced to work under. I prayed to Bridgit. I asked her to help me find some where else. Somewhere I am supported to do real care that meets my standards. Within a few minuetes I got a text from my wife who had a lead on another facility, closer to home, that is looking for CNA's. I am going to go check it out and pick up an application.