The gentel guid

A large part of my magical practice is shamanic in nature. In these I have four animal guides. The Stag was the first who came to me and as I like to say is my MVP. He is always there. One aspect of the stag is that they are said to gently lead people to adventures. Recently I have found this to be true, not just for me, but through me for others. I am discovering that my strongest magics are not those that I do for others, but those that I lead others to do for them selves. I have also noticed that I am "hearing" more messages from Stag, and this morning from Fox while I am in a normal state of consiousness then I did before, especially in the last 24 hours. I am not sure what the change is other then my continued practice and work. I suspect the "opening of my heart gates" has perhaps opened more then that, some how allowing me to be more in touch with my guides. This can only be a good thing. The wind talks and I am listening.
Gwynt-Siarad

A mother's test

On the 22nd I went to my home town to spend a week with my parents and most importantly my two children. My children were happy, healthy, and very loving with me. In many ways they nourished my long starved daddyness. The focus of this writing however is not about my children, but instead about my mother and the test she laid upon me. In past writings I have written about the opening of the gates of my heart. I sensed then that this would make me vulnerable at times. I had one of those moments. My mother and father are going through, well through a difficult life. Though they have every desire financially, they are still miserable. I am not sure at what point they became this way, but they are. At times, that misery comes out in things my mom says. Words that were hurtful and at some level were meant to be. While I was there I found myself feeling like she was trying to play some sort of emotional passive aggressive cloak and dagger battle with me. The test to me, was about could I stay loving and kind? Could I keep the gates open and the love flowing freely? The result? No I couldn't. I will say however, that I reacted to the "attacks" much better then I would have even a few months ago. Yes I have a long way to go and much to learn. It is progress. In the end, I feel I failed the test, at least by my high standards. On the flip side, my mother called me today to apologize for her behavior and words and told me how nice it was to have me there. It is her way of saying the "test" is over...for now. I wish I felt the same. Honestly, if I had had the means, I'd not have stayed at her home. It is a wealthy and beautiful house. It is also filled with great pain and misery. As a healer I want nothing more then to lead them into the light of life again, but alas, as my friend so aptly put it "when it comes to family, you could yourself BE the light, and they wouldn't see it." I am happy to be home.
Gwynt-Siarad

Things work out better then you could plan it.

The title of this entry is a phrase that I learned from one of the OBOD Gwersu. It made itself very apperent last night at the Alban Arthran rite I wrote, and led. For all my planning and thinking, working to have it memorized, and generally making sure it would run smoothly, never could I have planned the beautiful wedding proposal that came during the Symbul. Nor could I have guessed the announcment of the new life growing inside one of the participants! Most of all I never would have guessed or planned to be asked to be the god father of the coming child AND to be the officiant of the wedding! I am honored by such requests in ways I don't think I could ever put into words. After the ceremony we retired indoors for a feast, and what a feast it was! The food was all made with love and wow!, did it ever taste good! Stuffed mushrooms, cream of brocolli soup, penne pasta with home made sauce and sausage, fresh baked breads, beef stew, cookies and pear bread! I must have put on three more pounds!

There are a few things I would do different in the ritual aspect though. Next time I will go back to do a more guided meditation. I'll try harder not to get the words air and earth mixed up when calling quarters and the like. Lastly, no matter how friendly and sweet dogs are, I'll make sure they are kenneled or tied up away from the ceremony. Having a dog lick your face when your deep into meditation is distracting to say the least! Having the owner get up and put the dogs away in the middle of the meditation only adds to the distractions.

It was a night I will never forget. I was touched in my heart and soul in amazing ways. It's nights like last night that make me know why I do what I do, and why I believe what I believe. The Mabon was definiately with us last night. New lights were being born. Hail the Mabon!
Gwint-Siarad

Bone tired

This week, we have been moving our house hold down the street to a much bigger and needed place. However it has left me little time to meditate and no time to write. I must say though that I have enjoyed listening to the Gwersu over and over and over as I pack, lift, transport and lift again all the boxes. I am excited to move into the new house, but wow am I tired! I don't ever remember being this tired from moving locations before. The main rub though to all this packing and moving, is that I am going to lead a ritual for the pagan meet up this Sunday and though I have it all written out, I don't have it memorized as well as I would like to yet. Wish me luck!
Gwynt-Siarad

I realize it's been some time since I posted an entry. I am in the process of packing up my house to move to a a bigger place. I don't have as much free time as I'd like and most days I have to decide between doing my inner work and meditations or writing on my Blog. My priorities are of course doing my inner work.

I recently joined The Order of Bards, Ovates, and Druids (OBOD). I got my first materials from them last week and I am really enjoying it. I am learning a lot of widom already. I also am already incorperating elements of thier rituals into my own for this up coming Alban Arthran.

This weekend I went to a belly dance festival with my b'loved Marluna and her troop sisters. This is always an interesting experiance for me as I am pretty much the only guy around. I love being with my love, and her friends are cool. I had a good time, and yet it's not "MY" thing. Being the only guy around I find that I have to know when to be there and when to make myself scarce. I did an "invisiblity" spell in such a way as when I made a certian hand gesture I'd not be noticed. I think it had an interesting side effect though. I came to realize last night looking through the pictures taken, I am not in any of them! That might have a lot to do with that I was the one behind the camera a lot, but still I found it a bit odd. Perhaps some one else has a picture of me.

I did get an Alban Arthran ritual written up, and I think it's pretty good. I hope that those who will be there will take a lot from it and enjoy it. I really enjoy writing rituals and "performing" them. The idea that "Ritual is poetry in the world of action" really resonates in my heart. A ritual well done can touch people in magical ways and change their life. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside to know that I had a hand in bringing that about.

I am still working on those gates, and still experiancing life in new ways because of it.
Gwynt-Siarad

Opening the gates...

So I have decided I want to open the gates. I sat in meditation today and I opened my heart. I say this because that's what it feels like physically...like muscles around my heart relaxing. Like great double doors swinging out. I felt radiant, I felt energy flowing through me like I have never felt before it felt amazing. Absolutely amazing! I felt peace, joy, happiness. I finished and got on with my day. Now at the end of the day, and it was a good day, I feel as if the doors, the gates, have shut if not all the way mostly. I don't feel bad, but I don't feel as open as I did at the start. Could be that I am tired, but mostly I think that it's more about habit. I am used to having the gates shut, so when I am not mindful they "close" up out of habit. Perhaps we are not supposed to have the gates wide open all the time. Perhaps it just takes practice. I am going to keep working with this, testing it out and seeing what happens. I feel changes taking place within me that I just can't put words too. Not yet any way. I still haven't talked to my ex about her latest game. Nor do I intend to. Really there is nothing to talk about. Yesterday my love made the comment "I bet she's wondering why you haven't called her yelling and screaming, I bet she's wondering why it's taking the letter so long to get to you." Yeah, I bet she is wondering. I hope that from now on, all she gets from me is a feeling of wonder.
In other things, I have been honored by a local coven and asked to tell a story at their Winter Solstice celebration. I have also been honored with the request to guide a friend on a spirit-walk.
Gwynt-Siarad

Raven at my chamber door

...So to follow up the last post. I sat down to meditate thinking I would do a discursive meditation only, when I felt the pull of the spirit world. I have come to recognize this feeling. It's a bit hard to describe, but sort of like your gonna fall asleep, but in the direction of the pull. Well, I felt a pull to the underworld. How do I know, cause I was being pulled straight down that's how. I simply relaxed my "hold" on my body, letting my mind "slip" and awaaaaay I went straight down. There I was met with spirit raven who then became the Morrigan. We spoke. It seems she would like me to become her dedicant. It's quiet the honor, but she's not the god I want to dedicate too. I love to have a working relationship with her, but I need/want to work with the other shining ones as well. Now comes the question how to politely tell her this. She's not a goddess who takes "no" easily judging from the stories.
Gwynt-Siarad

Moon over Raven

As I was walking back into the house this morning after opening and closing the gate for my be'loved. I looked up and could still see the nearly full moon over a pine tree with a raven on top. It was a moment that seemed to stretch to eternity with it's beauty. I know the Morrigan was speaking to my soul, just not sure of the message...yet.
Gwynt-Siarad

To open the gates...or not?

Long ago, or so it seems to me, I met my first wife. Little did I know how much damage she was to do to me on the inside. I grew up wealthy. Being financially well off allowed me time to begin to study spirituality at an early age. People would have described me as kind, warm, friendly, laid back. Given some thought I think they would have said wise. I was the guy every one came to for help with thier issues, crisis, and hangups. I never got invited to parties, I wasn't popular, but quietly I was everyones friend. I was ok with that. It's how I wanted to be. I was loving, without being sexual, discerning without being judgmental. I was objective with out being cold and distant. Once I met my now ex-wife, that all changed. I thought I could fix my ex. I thought I could help her heal and she would become some kind and loving woman. I was wrong. Instead I became like a fortress. First I closed the gates of my heart. Still I felt attacked, so I placed guards on the ramparts, then came barbedwire, and minefields. I was no longer trusting. I was no longer loving, warm, friendly. I could fake it, but people felt the distance, the plasticiness. When I did open up to a few, all I had was misery to share, and people will only take that for so long before they leave. It's not thier fault, it's natural. I thought I could change my Ex. Instead I am the one who changed. We can not change others, no matter what we think or do or how we try. It's a fact. I can present reasons for a person to change. I can give them arguments for change, I can give them behaviors, but in the end it comes down to them. Only thing that can change a person is the person themselves. It must come from within. In my story, I changed myself. I had to, to survive the emotionaly abusive and crazy life I was now married to. With the help of a little raven, who was able to over fly the mine field, barbed wire, past the guards at the ramparts and into my heart, I finaly realized how lonely, misserable, deseperate and ugly I had become. I then dissolved the marrige. I moved away, and came to live in a new place. I have met new people. The assult on my emotions is over. It has been two years since I moved, and I am finaly removing the last of my protections that took me years to build. With the use of Magic I have dug up the mines and recycled the barbed wire. I have retired the soldiers. It's not an easy process, and at times is scary. Now I am left looking at the gates from the inside. JMG says in his book that once the telluric and Solar currents are invoked, changes take place rapidly. I am begining to see, or feel rather, what that means in me. I feel my old self returning, the one I was in High school, the one who was warm, friendly, and kind. The me who used to relish in hugs instead of the me who feared them. I feel as if this winter solstice isn't just above me, but in me. As the sun is "reborn" and it's warmth begins to return to the earth, so too in me is love. Not the love of woman, or of a child or other family member, but the "Love" with a Capital L. The love of the world and all people, yes even of the broken people like my Ex. Perhaps because today is my birthday, I have been thinking the last few days if I were to die suddenly, how would people describe me to others? Brave, loving, kind, generous, sweet? Or would it be bitter, stupid, failur, coward, poor father? Maybe some where in the middle? I know how I want to be remembered, and I can see what I have to do to make that happen. Yesterday I meditated on my ability to Love. Can I love again, the world, as I once did? Is it possible to Love and still be protected? Do I have to be vulnearable to the world to love the world? Would that make me naieve? As each question came I tried to find an answer. Some I discovered I'll simply have to do and see. The reality is that I feel Love growing in me, and I don't think I can keep it shut away like I once did, it's simply growing to strong, and in that strength of love, I am finding there is protection, that I don't need be afraid. Perhaps I will be more vulnerable in some ways, but is that such a bad price to pay to be free? Is that to much to pay to be kind, warm, and loving again? When I die, I want people to remember me as these. I want to go fourth from this life with Love in my heart and acceptance of death in what ever form fate and destiny bring it to me. Great love, I am beggining to feel, is in itself a form of protection. So here I find myself standing between a great and returning sense of love and the barred gates of my heart. Fearful and excited all at the same time. Do I open them and let the loving warm glow out to the world? Do I keep them closed still, to protect this returning love? Do I keep them closed forever and charge people for emission? Can I keep the doors barred as I feel this Love growing to overpowering? Will I explode if I try? Will it all go away if I open the doors? Will it die off if I don't? I want to open the doors, and yet, I know fear is holding me back still. Open or not to open, either way I know that what I choose will have huge reprocussions down the road. In a sentence what am saying is: I want to Love, do I have the courage to do so?

Gwynt-Siarad.

busy bee

Sorry I haven't had time to post recently. I have been busy with the holidays and now I have finales starting this Thursday. I am doing my daily meditations, and life goes as it does.
Gwynt-Siarad

The Solar powered druid

Last Friday, I followed up the energetic exercises of calling up the Telluric current by calling down the Solar current. Again the experience was, well pretty amazing. There is a definite difference in how the two energies feel. The solar current felt "lighter" and almost tingly as it ran through my body. More like wind. The Telluric current was "heavy" and sluggish in comparison. It felt more like water as it worked its way up through me. They both felt very powerful or rather made me feel full of power, but in different ways. It's not something that's easy to describe. Thinking on it, the best way to describe them would probably be with poetry. Let me put it this way, when I was full of the Telluric current I felt as if I could heal any wound, or sickness of the body. I felt healthy and physically strong. With the Solar current I felt happy and joyful, and peaceful and calm. I felt as if I could heal any spiritual sickness, give hope and love to all things. I am sure in time I'll come to discover more about these two currents of power. In JMG's book he says that invoking these energies will quickly catalyze changes. I already feel some subtle differences.

Last night was a new and interesting experience for me as well magically speaking. I did a spirit-walk and grounding to help deal with yet another one of my Ex-wife's surprise attacks. After the spirit-walk was over and I was simply sitting and feeling one with the earth, I felt an attack and had the image of a very threatening elemental. It was dealt with. I don't know if it was some sort of manifestation of my Ex-wife's hostility, or perhaps an elemental guardian of some sort. What I do know is that I didn't cast my Circle of Protection before hand like I usually do. I have dealt with hostile spirits in the past, but always in the spirit world, this was very much in this plane. I have read other peoples accounts of such things, and there is a part of me that was always a bit skeptical. Now having had it happen to me, I find that I am still skeptical. Was it real? was it just "in my head" does it matter?

Gwynt-Siarad

Picking up snakes

Once in an old village, there lived a beautiful young woman. As she did every morning she went to the river to gather water for the day's use. When she approached the rivers edge she came across a rattle snake. She was fearful at first, and rightly so. The rattle snake spoke to her, and it said "do not be afraid, I am here only because I can not cross the river. But your so beautiful and you must be kind, would you take me across the river?" The young woman shook her head, and said "no, I would never pick you up, for if I do, you'll bite me." To this the snake replied "I'd never bite one so beautiful as you! Even I do not wish to destroy such beauty." The flattery worked and the young woman picked up the snake and began to wade across the river. When she was half way across the snake bit her hard on the arm! The young woman cried out and was filled with the snakes poison. She said "but you promised not to bite me! now we will both surely die." The snake looked on impassively and said "I couldn't help it, its what I do. Don't blame me, you know what I was when you picked me up."
This story holds much meaning to me this day. I am being put into a social situation with a woman who I know to be a rattle snake. If it were entirely up to me, I'd have nothing more to do with this person, but its not. For some reason the love of my life feels compelled to have dinner with this woman. I did an Ogham about the situation and it was not a favorable reading. I got the impression the woman will reveal secrets (funny how a secret is something you tell another person.) that will try and force me or us, to choose between two options though I don't know what they are. I thought about refusing to go, and letting my b'loved do this on her own, but then I thought it how could I let her face this woman alone? We have always been stronger together as a team. So to dinner I go...invoking spirit of golden eagle.

Spirit above, spirit below, spirit all around

It seems interesting to me that in the last few days many of my friends have become in need of healing. Bad backs, turned ankles, internal organ funky-ness, or just plain old sore from exercise. So I thought it was time for some spell work to help them out as best I can. I grabbed up my new insence bowl, (the last one was yet another victome of the spirit of the dancing bear.) my staff of myrtal, and my favorite mix of herbs for genral magick work, a sage/cedar/lemongrass mixture. I stepped into the circle and performed the Circle of Protection, then invoked the elements and my spirit guides. I then, with the aid of the elemental spirits, banished all blockages to the successful healing energies I'd send. I then burned my herbal mixture as an offering to my spirit guides in thanks for all that they do and have done, and in the hopes they will aid me this day. I invoked the Telluric currents, that is the current of energy that rises from the center of mother earth. Bringing that energy into me I focused it into the end of my staff and created a thought forms. The thought forms were to go to my friends, deliver the healing energy and then dissapate. I have not done a lot of work like this before. Usually when doing healings I have the client right there with me. I felt pretty good about how things went and so far people are reporting feeling better.
In meditation I pondered the Ogham few Saille. It's associated tree is willow and according to JMG its a few of flexability and response. Its about going with the flow. I came to the conclusion that for the most part its a great way to navigate life, but there are times when we must be strong and firm and immovable like the might oaks. Wisdom is knowing when those times are. In preperation for my ritual in which I will summon forth the Solar currents I was to contemplate spirit above. It was asked, why is spirit up? why is it above, why is heaven in the sky. This confused me for some time as I never thought that spirit was only up/above/or higher than. I have always seen spirit all around. To me spirit, though often depicted as up or above, is in fact all around and in everything. The source of spirit, like all things, is Anwn.
Gwynt-Siarad

Pepper update

So far still no Pepper. I did another journy today, and again I got the house image. I see it pretty clearly, however I can't tell where it's at. I can't see a street or an address. I thought I would then try something different. I "found" pepper astraly and "invoked" myself inside her head to see what she was seeing. I got the distinct impression she was happy. Still I could only see around the yard. I did see the back of the house for the first time, but again I didn't see anything that indicated where the house might be. Divination is by far my weakest skill magicaly speaking. Directing energies for healing or spell work is much more where my talents lie. I think the biggest reason why skrying and divination are so difficult for me is a subtle but still there disbelief in it. I WANT to believe, but there is this little voice in the back of my brain that says when I am spirit-walking and trying to see things in this world, it's all just my imagination. Funny I don't seem to have this problem when dealing with spirits or soul retreavals, or casting spells or doing healings. I don't know if Pepper will ever turn up or not, I don't know if the house I keep seeing is real or just in my head, but I'd sure like to find out one way or another.
Another thing I have been considering is the nature of the dogs dissapearence...or leaving rather. The dog simply ran out the door when it was opened and never looked back. It would seem to me that the dog didn't want to be there any longer for some reason. As a druid, I do believe animals don't truly belong to a person. Maybe Pepper wasn't happy there. I don't know, but I do have to wonder if Pepper even WANTS to go home.
Gwynt-Siarad

Where o' where has pepper gone?

This is Pepper. She is the good friend of a member of the pagan community in which I live. Pepper ran out the door last Thursday and hasn't been back. I heard about it just this morning (Monday) and I decided I'd try something I have often read about shamans doing, that being, finding lost things. I made the hard choice to do the work inside the house. I much prefer to do my work under the sky, but I wanted also to be sure that I was NOT going to be interrupted. Knowing that my neighbor isn't working right now and puts around his house, I wanted to be sure that I would not be interrupted. I called to the elementals spirits and to my personal animal spirit guides for their aid. I asked the elements to show me where pepper was, and to keep pepper safe, warm, and free from hunger and thirst. I asked spirit of fox to go and find pepper and guide her home. In my spirit-walk, I saw a an older white house with a chain link fence around the front yard. I got the impression the street started with an "E" and had a double letter in it. I then took that info, and combined it with the info that the dog was last seen in the N.E. section of town, and possibly near the college. I looked on map quest and what do I find but a street that is in the NE section of town not to distant from the college campus. I have relaid this info to the dog's person. Will it help? I don't know. I have never done anything like this before with my skils..I have come to trust the things I see in spirit-walks, and the things I saw this time didn't feel like MY imagination. In the end, time will tell for all answers are told in time.
I have been trying to learn the Ogham Fews these past months and really struggling. I am not sure why. I suspect its because I am also in college now and cramming my head each day full of information, so this may be interfering with the learning process of the Ogham. Is there a limit to how much a 35 year old man can learn in a day? I tend to think not, but the headaches are telling me otherwise. ;-) Anyway, I got the thought that I need to also recognize their animal meanings and that I should call them not by the welsh names but by the English. That thought led to the realization that by using an ogham few in magic your are invoking/evoking (depending on it's use) the spirit of that tree/plant/mineral. It may seem like a no brainer to some, but for me it was the light bulb switching on! Suddenly the Ogham fews have come alive!

Last night I "leveled up". I am currently working the Druidic magic system created by John Michael Greer. I have had great results with it thus far. I have memorized and am well practiced at what is called the circle of protection, and elemental cross. Last night I took my magic to the next level be learning to summon the Telluric currents. These are the currents that come up from the center of mother earth. There is also a Solar current. This of course comes from the sun and stars. I am to summon that current next weekend. They are done a week apart. Though I have often worked with these energies in the past as Yin and Yang, I have never felt it so strongly as I did last night. The Telluric current truly flowed through me from my feet through every cell and out of me like a fountain. It was exhilarating to say the least! The work was done at midnight as that is when the Telluric current is at the height of its natural daily cycle. When I was done I had trouble getting to sleep as I felt so alive! This morning when I was doing my daily circle of protection and meditation, I felt more "powerful" and felt the elements respond with much more vigor then before. My meditation was on the Ogham few of Nuin. It s a few of connection, communication and magic. I can't say that I had any major break throughs with that today. Later though, I got to help a good friend with a spirit walk into the spirit world. He was coming to me to for help with an issue of staying calm when dealing with people at work who aren't doing things as instructed. I have never worked with any one for this sort of issue. In the past it has been helping with an illness, or needing a soul retrieval or power animal totem. Because I know this friend is very magically adept I was certain it wasn't going to be a thought form coming home to roost, or a spiritual entity. This was an issue he has worked with for some time. I set up for the spirit walk and my friend laid his head in my lap. I took up the rattle and began the process of going to the spirit world. I walked along the forest path that leads to the cave. I then walked through the cave. I walk toward the light on the other end. Once there I step out into the middle world. I go to my grove and call to my spirit guides. Stag comes as is so often the case. He's my main totem. I told him why I had come. He took me on a path up a wooded hill side. After a time there was a shift as my shadow self took the deer form and the woods went from lush green to a charred black forest devastated by fire. After walking for some time, we came to a tall cage. Locked inside was my friends shadow self. I was then given directions what he needed to do. In essence, he needs to come to terms with his shadow self. He tries hard to keep parts of it locked away, but doing thus is like keeping a dog in a kennel all the time. when it gets out it runs amok. When certain situation happens it frees his shadow self that has been locked away and it then runs amok with him and expresses as anger, though I suspect it is more about fear and resentment. I was also told to give him my obsidian. I did. I gave him an exercise where in a month or two he will be ready to summon up his shadow self, and hopeful sit and talk with it. If they can come to terms, reach an agreement where the shadow self will let the light self run things, the light self won't keep the shadow locked in a cage. The cage had two locks on it. I found a key resting in my hand, and I unlocked one of them. I was told that he had to do the other himself. So there it is. Time will tell the rest of the story.
After the spirit-walk, I did two hours of massage. Yes, it's been a busy, but very fulfilling day.
Gwynt-Siadad

Who I am, what this is all about.

Hail and welcome!

I am going by the name of Gwynt-Siarad, it's Welsh for wind-talker. I am a Druid. This blog will by my journal in the many adventures I have in Druidry. You can expect to see all sorts of magickal work dealing with journeying, what I like to call spirit-walks, spells, meditations, and anything else I feel is pertinent. So a little about me and my magickal back ground. I grew up in the woods. My best playmates were my two golden retrievers Regal and Shadow. While most of my peers would get home and watch TV, I just walked through my house long enough to drop my books and head out the back door to the woods. While kids talked about sport teams or TV sitcoms, I learned how to I.D. ducks by the sound of thier wing beats. I could track deer, talk to turkeys, elk, and foxes. I knew where the bats slept, and which trees the turkey vulture liked to roost in. The earth, wind, and river talked to me. I often pretended to be the deer, bear, or puma. I argued with Ravens and raced the deer. I grew up, as we all do, and by the time I was in High school, I had a 2nd degree black belt in Tang soo do, was deep into Taoism and Cha'n Buddhism and had a 2nd degree in Reiki and was doing shamanic journies that I had learned from Christina Pratt from "the last mask". Oh and I spoke Portuguese and Japanese as well as English. In college I met the wrong woman for me, and married her. I allowed her to destroy all that I had gained spiritualy. That was a tough 7 years, but that is behind me now. My current Fiance' introduced me to Wicca. I studied that for some time, but it wasn't a perfect fit. I studied Asatru for a few months, but that too wasn't the right fit, then I found Druidry and I felt home. I have been studying druidry officially for about six months now, but in reality I have been studying druidry all my life. Just didn't know it. These have been some of the best days of my life. I hope to share my adventures with you all in the hopes that the wisdom I learn along this path helps you, the reader, in some small or great way.

So enough of that, let the story begin.....

yours under the oaks,

Gwynt-Siarad.