Saturday, February 4, 2012

busy bee

School has started again. I have just finished my 3rd week of my 2nd semester of nursing school. It's fast and furious and I spend a lot of time reading, in class, in clinic and just trying to get it all done, thus the silence on my blog. The biggest news of note in regards to my Druidry is that I have completed my Dedicant's path work and submitted it for review. In a few weeks I should see if I pass or if things need more work. In the mean time I am stepping on to the Clergy path and have begun the preliminary work for that. Besides a several basket fulls of short essays this includes a dialy morning prayer, which now comes after my daily morning meditation, a even prayer over the meal, which I haven't succesfully incorperated into my routine yet, and a monthly retreat day. I haven't yet tried a retreat day, but it's just a matter of picking a Saturday and Sunday and making it happen. Easier said then done I supose.

In my inner life, I came to a painful realization last weekend. That being: alcholism is going to kill my parents, and I am powerless to change that. I saw the toll it was taking on thier bodies when I last visited and I see my parents getting old very fast. They have been trying to hold onto recovery since I was a toddler, but never seem to be able to. 36 years or so later and still they can't manage it. It may be thier liver, or a car accident, or some other type of death, but behind it will be the alcohol. It was a realization that made me sad. I am coming to terms with it however.

Also the other day I was taking a test in my Psychnursing class and there was a test question that described a woman who was very much like my ex-wife. I had a huge emotional reaction to it. It was sudden and unexpected. I have never had a test question give me an emotional reaction before. I was flooded with sadness and pitty. It seems there are still some unresolved feelings in regards to the divorce and my ex and what might very possibly be her borderline personality. Not sure when I will have time to explore that. Probably when I make time for my retreat day.

1 comment:

  1. speaking from experience, nothing can really be done about your parents' addiction except voicing your concerns to them and prayers. i see my ex dying a slow death and have always told him he is also hurting his children. i know how it feels, druid. love and light to you. educate your children that they may have that same addictive gene and deal with the pain/hardship thru proactiveness. it has been my only solace tho my own failures have been well-documented on this venue