Meditation journal #9

never, ever try and meditate after ingesting a lot of caffine. Not a good time. Mostly a waist of time. I woke up the other morning with a Migrain coming on. I took some Excedrine Migrain medicine that is loaded with caffine. For many people I suppose they wouldn't notice as thier body is allready used to high doses of caffine. I, however, tend to avoid caffine in my diet so when I do get a high dose it really get all twittery, jumpy, and all around restless. Trying to meditate under these conditions was to much for me, and I cut it short.

Aside from the above, my meditations continue with regularity. I have done the earth mother working only twice so far. I had intended to do it more. Certain realities of my new work as a CNA in a long term care facility have hit home, and have me feeling down and I strugle with the quality of care I want to give vs. the quality of care I am able to give due to being forced to care for to many residents. I am hoping that meditation will help me cope with this stressor.

A staff for Daisy-moon

This staff was made for a High-preistess friend of mine for her birthday.

Perserverance

Dictionary.com defines Perseverance as:–noun
1. steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

This matches very closely with the ADF definition which is:
Drive, the motivation to pursue goals, even when that pursuit becomes difficult.

Perseverance is a most excellent virtue. A virtue that any one can chose to develop. There are many examples of perseverance in our lives. Just think of the people around you and in your life, which of them is displaying perseverance? Who isn't? Perseverance is simply about not giving up. Some times it's about reaching a lofty goal like "enlightenment", other times it about getting out of bed in the morning.

Perseverance, however, is blind. It needs to be tempered with vision and wisdom. With out vision and wisdom to temper perseverance and give it direction a person will quickly find themselves persevering in a way that is harmful for themselves or others. An example is the workout addict, who, despite his body breaking down, persists in exercising to the point of self harm. Men who bike so much to the point of infertility from the bike seat, to woman who stop menstruation due to a lack of body fat. Yet it may be these same people who need this kind of perseverance to finish first.

I have displayed perseverance and wisdom recently in my job. In the last 48 hours I have logged 24 hours of work with only 5 hours of sleep. As I was starting my double shift yesterday, the scheduler asked me if I wanted to work another double shift today. I told her no. To have said yes would have been harmful to my body, and relationships. I was already pushing my thresh hold as it was. I put in a 16 hour day with only two 30 minuet breaks. I persevered. I had not seen my step-daughter in 24 hours, and barely gotten to speak with my wife. Perseverance is one thing, but all things must have balance. No amount of money would be worth the damage both physically and relationship wise that it would have incurred to work another double.

I think one the greatest acts of perseverance I have ever learned about is the story of Aron Lee Ralston. While climbing and bouldering, he got his arm trapped by a boulder. Though he made a gross error by not telling any one where he was, he persevered. After 5 days trapped and dehydrated, he cut off his arm with a dull pocket knife, and hiked to safety. Perseverance and pure intestinal fortitude saved his life, where many others would have simply given up and died.

Perseverance is a powerful virtue to have. It can be used daily, in real life. Yet at the same time it is the virtue of "last resort". When all else has fled, wisdom, courage, vision, hospitality, ect., when all else goes wrong and things are "FUBAR" it is perseverance that will get a person through it and back to a better place.

The history and making of the staghorn amulet

The story of this amulet starts many years ago, back in 2002, before I was even a pagan. I was living with my now ex-wife in Oregon. In 2001 I had taken up bow hunting, and after a year of practice I felt ready to try and take my first deer. I had been watching an alfalfa field for many weeks that year. I had gotten to know each deer, I even know in what order they would appear from the forest into the field in the morning. I had set up my blind at the edge of the field and I waited. Just as I had come to expect they appeared and by 10:30 AM I had arrowed on old white muzzled buck from 30 yards. He didn't make it 80 yards and the kill was as quick and clean as any could hope for. Now, I am no trophy hunter. Never have been, never will be. This deer was processed to the full extent of my skill and kept my family fed for many meals. Years later I divorced my wife, became pagan, and moved to central Cal. I was rummaging through some things a few years later and found the only thing I had left from that old deer, a tip of his antler that I had saved back then for some unknown reason. When I found it again I saw the perfect amulet for me. Having learned the principles of scrimshaw, I carved in the antler 4 runes. Power, victory, protection and the like. I then used paint to fill in the carving with black, and wiped off the excess. I then used a clear sealant to keep it from wearing away. With a hole drilled through it and placed on a leather thong with some other wooden beads the amulets physical construction was complete.

One of the reasons that this antler was so fitting for me as an amulet, besides that it came from a deer I killed myself, but that at this time the spirit of the stag had become a spirit guide to me (on a side note, I have never killed a deer since finding stag as a spirit guide, not that I haven't tried. ;)). I then did some magic on the amulet and put it on. I had worn it for about two years without taking it off till recently. I had to take it off during my training as a CNA. When working with people suffering from Dementia, some of them have a tendency to grab things, and they can be very strong. Here is how I plan to re-enchant it:

I will set up my three hallows in my Nemeton. I will set up a table on which I will have my offerings to the kindreds, tools I might need in the rite, such as a wand, divination tools, in this case my Ogham, the amulet to be blessed, and a chalice.

When all is in readiness I begin with the two powers mediation. This helps balance me and gets my energies flowing. When I am ready I begin with my opening prayers. Some thing along the lines of "A child of the earth has come to honor the powers, and work the ways of the druids. I am come to the fire and well to make an amulet of power and protection that is active when ever the loop of the clasp is completed."

I will then bless the fire, well, and sacred tree. I will cleanse the sacred space with water and fire. I will make offering to the earth mother. Then I will open the gate between this world and the spirit world. I will then invite the mighty dead, land spirits, and gods to my fire, making good offerings to each group. In that processes I will make it known my intention to create an amulet and ask for their aid in doing so. Some thing like "Oh ancient ancestors, remember me as I remember you. Grandfathers! Grandmothers! I have not forgotten you. Lend me your wisdom. All you mighty dead, I honor you with this sacrifice. Lend your power to the creation of this amulet. Through it may you empower and protect, may all all harm, mundane or magickal, by land, sea or sky, be turned away."
I will use similar invocations to the land spirits and Gods, with special focus on calling to my spirit guide the stag and Lugh my patron deity.

Once offerings are done, I'd do an take an omen to be sure that they are pleased with the offerings and the working and that I have in fact their aid in the working. If it is positive, I then will place the amulet in the chalice and ask them to "pour" their blessings into it and into the the amulet. At this point I go by feel. When I feel the blessings are done, I place the chalice between the well, fire, and tree. I then draw the two powers into me and then project it into the cup with the amulet to empower it further. I keep the intention of what I want the amulet to do firmly in my mind. When I have done all I can without loosing my focus, I pick up the amulet gently tap it and say "awaken unto life!". I then put the amulet on. Thus the working is done, and I close in the usual way.

So there you have it. This is how I will re-enchant the amulet that has come to mean so much to me. I hated having to break it in the first place, but some times we have to make sacrifices for our greater gain. One other thing about this amulet I find interesting, is that in all the years that I wore it, no one has ever asked about it. Not a word. It was almost as if they never saw it.
I hope to perform the working this weekend.

150th post and a new look!

THIS IS MY 150TH POST! I can hardly believe it. I started this Blog on the recommendation of my good friend Frater Robert. I had no idea how much I was going to enjoy it and how nice it is to share my inner experiences with a larger community. Along with reaching 150 posts I have spruced up my page and given it a new look. One that I really like and find pleasing to the eye. I hope you all enjoy it as well. For those who read my blog, feel free comment on Posts. I always welcome input.

I also want to share some recent manifestations of magic in my life. First off I want to mention that I am doing much better financially then I have in a long long time. I can't remember if I blogged about it or not, if I did it would have been a long time ago, but I cast a spell to protect my finances. That spell has held true for a long time. Recently I won a financial battle against my ex-wife, when she tried to claim both children as tax deductions for last year and screw me out of $3,000. The spell has worked in other ways as well, keeping us from being the victims of identity theft and fraud.

I have started working as a CNA at a long term care facility. This has been a combination of hard work on my part and the blessings of the gods since I started practicing ADF and the aid of my Spirit ally. I should be getting my first paycheck from this new job on Friday. HUZZAH!

I have some upcoming magickal works for readers to look forward to reading about. I had a amulet that was permanently tied around my neck for a couple years. Because of the requirements of the new job, I had to break it to take it off when working. I have rebuilt it with a clasp so that I can remove it when I go to work. However, I feel the magick was broken and have decided that I must re-enchant it. I thought I would post the spell here. Also, I have been asked to summon a spirit guide for a friend. My guides have shared with me how this is to be done. I will nick name my friend the fire-witch. When the fire-witch and I can both find a time, we'll do that working.

I haven't talked about it much on here, but I also make beautiful magic staffs for friends and for sale at the local occult shop. I am currently building one as a late birthday present for a local coven leader, daisy-moon. I think I'll start posting pictures of the staffs I make on here.

As you can see there is a lot to read about and look forward to. I will of course continue my postings about my own spiritual journey and discoveries. I will finish this post by saying thanks to Robert who got me started and continues to support me. To my be'loved mermaid who makes me the luckiest man alive, who helps with my spelling, and tries to keep me from saying things I shouldn't, and last but not least to all my readers. Thank you all, here's to more good times in the coming years!

Meditation journal 8: Visions of the Earth Mother

As I have come to know the Two powers meditation so well, I decided it was time to try some thing new. I took a visionary exercises from Ian Corrigan's book Draiocht, and did the Earth Mother vision. I spent some time becoming familiar with the working. It involved visionary work and the giving of an offering. I chose to try this working by doing a formal ritual and opening the gate to facilitate the work. I did so, and the vision came to me quickly and very vividly. I saw the earth mother. Large like a hill, but from a distance through the open gate. I explored the image in my mind for some time, then gave the offerings. I finished the visionary exercises as described. The only way I can describe the sensation I had from it as "The world is in me and I am in the world, the spirit in me is the spirit in the world."

I found myself pulled into a spirit-walk when I was done with the visionary work. The transition felt jerky and caught me off guard as it was sudden. Like being sucked into the gate and dropped through the sky. I came to a grove of ancient trees that I know well. There I often find a teacher, and sure enough there he was. He asked me why I had come. I really wasn't sure why I had come, but then decided to ask him how to handle a situation that had come up at work. I was advised to let my anger and frustration go, and to talk to the person calmly, but to let them know how I felt about what they did. I did as he instructed, but sadly I don't think the person really understood what I was trying to explain to them. Some people just refuse to see the truth to their choices.

A little Ostara: the planting of a seed

As I was not going to be able to attend the Kern County Pagan Circle's Ostara celebration this year because I was going to be out of town, I decided to hold a small Spring Equinox ritual with a couple other druids I knew. I had wanted to do the ritual outside as usual, however this time the weather did not cooperate and I was forced indoors by the heavy winds and light rain. Luckily I have a very large living room and only a few people coming over so I knew it would be just fine. I pulled out the folding card table, and threw a white alter cloth over it. Upon the alter I placed my bell, the symbolic world tree, a well, and a fire of candles. I added a charcoal disk for offerings of incense, and a bowl for other types of offerings. I spent a few days pondering over what type of ritual to perform. I looked over the ADF site liturgists year books, but didn't find any that spoke to me for the Spring Equinox. I decided to go with the basic blessing rite. I also felt that this was a good choice as I was having over two other people who were very new to ADF. The ritual went very well. I kept it simple as there was only three of us, and I chose not to wear my usual robes for this one. I made this decision because the other two didn't have any robes and my intuition said that if I were to robe up it would make them uncomfortable in such a small and intimate ritual.

I followed the ADF COoR. Offerings were given. Omen's taken. I used Ogham for the Omens. Two of them I knew, one I had to look up (hate having to do that during a ritual). The omens were all good. I then took up the chalice and asked for the blessings of the kindred. We took turns drinking it in.

After the ritual we spent a couple hours discussing the possibility of starting our own grove. I gave the other two some ideas to think over. My fellows departed with smiles and promise we would get together again soon to discuss further the idea of starting a grove. The only thing I can think of that did not go well for the ritual was my not being familiar enough with the Ogham and having to look up it's meaning. This really throws off the timing and flow of the ritual. I will continue my studies of the Ogham. Every thing else went right. I didn't have to read any parts of the ritual and the words flowed from me with strength and confidence.

In the end I feel that the best thing to come from the ritual was the plans to form a grove and what seems like an auspicious beginning. I am excited about the prospect of having a group of dedicated druids with which to do druid rituals. I don't mind writing and doing rituals for an eclectic group and we have a lot of fun, but some times doing things just with others who are on the same path has this special energy you can't get otherwise.