So I have decided I want to open the gates. I sat in meditation today and I opened my heart. I say this because that's what it feels like physically...like muscles around my heart relaxing. Like great double doors swinging out. I felt radiant, I felt energy flowing through me like I have never felt before it felt amazing. Absolutely amazing! I felt peace, joy, happiness. I finished and got on with my day. Now at the end of the day, and it was a good day, I feel as if the doors, the gates, have shut if not all the way mostly. I don't feel bad, but I don't feel as open as I did at the start. Could be that I am tired, but mostly I think that it's more about habit. I am used to having the gates shut, so when I am not mindful they "close" up out of habit. Perhaps we are not supposed to have the gates wide open all the time. Perhaps it just takes practice. I am going to keep working with this, testing it out and seeing what happens. I feel changes taking place within me that I just can't put words too. Not yet any way. I still haven't talked to my ex about her latest game. Nor do I intend to. Really there is nothing to talk about. Yesterday my love made the comment "I bet she's wondering why you haven't called her yelling and screaming, I bet she's wondering why it's taking the letter so long to get to you." Yeah, I bet she is wondering. I hope that from now on, all she gets from me is a feeling of wonder.
In other things, I have been honored by a local coven and asked to tell a story at their Winter Solstice celebration. I have also been honored with the request to guide a friend on a spirit-walk.