wow...where have I been?

Well Last saturday night things took a turn for the worst in my wife's health. There were complications after her ERCP which caused internal bleeding. She passed out in my arms early sunday morning. I rushed her to the ER and we stayed in the hospital till Tuesday. They had to do another procedure to correct the problem. I have been home taking care of her these past few days as well as getting caught up on my homework. I haven't been able to do my daily mediations like I usualy do. I have snuck it in here and there. Any rate, the above is my reason for no Blogging. As she heals and is better able to care for herself, I'll have more time to blog again.

Elemental journy, end of air, beginning of fire

I have travel, once again, through elemental air. I say once again, because I have done it before in wiccan studies, in AODA studies, and now in OBOD. Not that I mind, working the elemental journy is something a person can spend a life time doing and still always learn new things. So what did I learn or what changed for me this time around? Well, it seems to me that my mind is a bit quicker. I am finding that I am better able to pull up information and things I learned long ago are more available when needed. I am also finding that I am better able to discern the B.S. from the solid info. My mind has always been very open, so I don't feel a lot of change there. I do feel even more balanced then I was before I did this element and that feels nice. My mind is certainly getting a work out these days between three college classes, work, and my bardic studies. On a cosmic level, at the end of elemental air work, as I was walking to class, a single feather from an albino pigeon floted down to me and I was able to catch it. I didn't see the bird from which it came, so it seemd to just have appeared. I am taking it as a sign that I am did well.

This week I began another journey through elemental fire. It is begun with the OBOD fire ritual. My meditations this week are all about fire. Yesterday I invoked elemental fire and asked it some questions. one of which was simply "what do I need to be aware of?" the response I got was "be aware of the one with red hair". No idea what it means yet. perhaps it means I need to spend more time with the goddess Bridget. Maybe it means some one with red hair will come into my life and I need to be aware of their motives. Yesterday I did recieve a friend request from some one I knew in High school. He has a very slight tint of red to his beard. Perhaps that is whome it spoke of? time will tell. Wish I was better at this whole spirit/diety invocation stuff. I feel like such a cement head at times.

Healing spell update

It is now the beggining of day three after the group healing work done on my b'loved. All in all, I would say it has helped. Though she is far from being totally healed, it seems to me the pains are lessoned, but more then that I suspect a change in her mental attitude. She's not as angry, though still a bit frightened. Though it seems to be a simply, if painful, case of gallstones, there is that little bit of fear that worries if it isn't some thing more, like cancer. I myself don't feel such fears. With the aid of my daily magical practice and meditations I find myself not only staying centered, but thinking how silly it is to wast the energy and tears in worrieing about something that will most likely never be. Ah, but worry, it seems to me at least, is not rational. No, and in point of fact, trying to rationalize it away will only take one so far. I am not much of a worrier. Never have been, though there have been times. So how does one not worry? Well, I supose it's because I stay in the present and mentaly work with what is, or at least with what is truly known. To worry, is to loose oneself in an illusion of ones own creation, which is perhaps the most powerful kind of illusion there is. Worry does not change facts, worry only wasts ones energy and focus on the things at hand. I don't worry, because I accept. I accept the destiny the Gods, spirits, and ancestors place for me. I don't worry because I know that I have the wisdom to create the fate for myself that I want. To clearify, destiney are the cards we are dealt. Fate is the results of how we play those cards. Fretting over what cards I shall be dealt...well that's sillyness.

The other Harvest

The Sun no longer gets up so early, nor does he stay out so late. I can sense the change, I feel his old age in the air, land, and sea. Despite that the summer court is still staying on strong here this week. Today was only 106 degrees of Farinhieght, the day before was 110. I spent a good portion of it sitting outside in the shade of a tree I only wish I knew the name of on the campus of the college I am attending. I watch all the kids standing around just out of highschool. I must seem an odd old man with long hair to them, sitting all alone under my tree, book in hand. I find myself examining my life and thinking about what things I have planted and what I am now harvesting because of it. I can't help but smile, my harvest this year is abundant and amazing. Love is my corn this year. By corn I don't mean the yellow stuff grown in the new world, but by the deffanition of my largest crop. There is plaque in my parent's house that says "plant kindness, harvest love". It seems I have done a lot of that this past year. Mostly through the Pagan meetup I started and led. In October I am going to find out if the hard work I planted in my classes is going to come to fruite as I apply at the hospitals for a sponsered seat in the college's nursing program. I think of all the love both my wife and I are harvesting now in our lives as she strugles with her illness. Thank the gods that we see the surgeon on the morrow. I hope we can get her schedualed soon, and start harvesting some healing.
As per the OBOD training, I have also been looking at some of my past experiances, revisiting them as it were. I then do my best the thresh the "grain" from them. Those that no longer serve me, I let them go to where ever the place is that forgotten memories go.
I am still doing my daily meditations, I have harvested a lot from those over the year. Balance, peace, strength of mind, and magickal power. I am preparing to start the two dragon ritual at Alban Elfed.
I and my friends are making preperations for Pagan Pride Day here where I live. I was thinking of doing some story telling, but with the busyness of school and taking care of my family, I felt it would be stretching myself to thin.
And so the days of summer role by. Belinus reminds us yet again that he is still strong, that his time has not yet ended. I know the winter court is just waiting though, biding its time. The wheel turns ever on, as it has since the beggining.

Done in a new way

Yesterday while at College, I wanted to do the CoP but without being obvious. I sat myself under a try, put on my headphones and played shamanic drumming to drown out the sounds of construction, and people's conversations, as well as to put me into an alterd state of mind. I did the CoP entirely from the spirit world. It was a nice way to do it. The energies had a different quality to them. I'd call it more vivid.

My b'loved has been the focus of a lot of magick and medicine. I and others have "thrown" a good amount of healing energies at her. I would have to say it has all helped. Today she has another Dr. apt. with the GP, I assume she'll get a refurel to a surgeon. Tonight we some members of the pagan meetup are getting together to do a group healing ritual. It should be interesting. I am not leading this shindig this time, and that's ok with me. I am there to be a battery.

I think that what was stopping me from doing a healing spell earlier for my b'loved was the fear of it not working. I'll have to explore that a bit. I suspect it will take me to deal with issues of "fear of failure". We shall see!

muddling through

These last two weeks my Love has been suffering through Gallstone attacks. We are awaiting to hear from a the Dr. and refural to a surgon for removal of the gallbladder. In the mean time I am doing what I can to bring comfort to my love. Teas, painkillers, magick. Anything and every thing. I also am trying to keep the house clean, the fridge filled, and get ready for school starting again on Monday.

The stuff of dreams

I have had two interesting dreams this week already. The first one was about my Dad. He was telling me all about how he was divorcing Mom. He looked happier then I can remember seeing him in a long time. He told me how he had outsmarted her by gifting all his guns to the grandkids so she couldn't use them against him financially in the divorce. He also pointed out a large crater like depression in the ground with standing stones circling it's upper rim. He called it a "princess footprint" which in my dream made complete sense to me, but trust me when I tell you that it means nothing to me now in my waking state. There was supposed to be some sort of great gift or treasure berried in the center of it, and there was a man with a child digging with his bare hands in the center of the depression. Digging quite frantically I might add.

The other dream I had last night. I dreamed that I went to the store with my mother. I needed to get some dog food, and she needed to get a shot that would make it easier for her to get in touch with , and talk about, her feelings. I tried to pay for the dog food with $400.00, and they couldn't figure out the change. I got frutsrated, took my money, and left. When I left the store it was nice and warm, but when my mother and I got to the car it was cold and snowy. (indicating something that will happen this winter?) Off the hood, near the windshild, were two copper rods coming up on my mom's car. Attached to these rods were jumper cables. I was confused, and followed the cable to the feet of a very large man, maybe 7-8 feet tall, long reddish brown beard, wearing a winter ski cap, and ski jacket coming our way. He introduced himself as Goibniu. I said "the Irish god of Brewing?" He laughed and nodded. Then I wondered why the god of brewing was getting a jump start off my mom's car...no wait, don't answer that, I don't want to know.